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I talk to the moon
And tell it all the things that I can't say to him...
He always used to call me his sun
 Jan 2021 JustHayy
Eating my beyond burger with a fork and knife,
drag race in the background,
my Samantha doll by my side.
This isn't loneliness anymore.
This is just life now.

I'm not very good with words anymore,
maybe I never was.
So little has changed and yet everything has.
I still long for love.
I still want to be wanted.
That might never change.

Yet now this lonely world is one I've come to accept,
come to love.
I may be my only friend here,
but that's one more than last year.

Nothing I create is good,
but I'm learning to create anyway.
I'm learning to share my bad art,
at least it's art.

I dream of slitting the throat of the dog next door.
Someone outta shut him up.
I used to think that was an evil thought,
now I know there's no such thing.

I turn 21 in 2 days.
Math. Yuck.
I'm old,
getting older every second.
I will grow into this skin,
I'm sure of it.

I'm grateful.
More than anything I am grateful for it all.
The pain,
the pleasure,
the guilt,
the anger.


No one reads these except me.
So this one is for her.
For you.
my love,
my villain,
my biggest fear.

May this year be kind to you,
may you be kind to it.
May you listen to your spirit guides,
may you accept what you never could.

Growth is sticky and wet,
Knowledge is thick and grey.
May you be the light and the darkness,
the cut and the band aid.

More than anything,
be okay.
You're gross,
in a sort of beautiful way.
May you be okay with that.

Bad art is still art.
I think so.
For now.
 Sep 2020 JustHayy
the silence is deafening
it’s where lies my deepest fears
the traumas of my past
i sleep with noise to help drown the silence
and then i met you
i still sleep with noise
but in the early morning when we wake
i feel at peace with our silent affection
lying there completely vulnerable
to all of my forbidden thoughts
but all i think about and hear
is your peace
it resonates inside of me
and i am so grateful for you
 Sep 2020 JustHayy
thank you.
 Sep 2020 JustHayy
becoming a writer is hard
finding the right words
hoping people support your art
trials and errors of past loves
inspiring your writing
sometimes i feel regret
i regret some of the people i dedicated my writing to
but i look back and realize
that was my journey
all of the love
all of the hurt
all of the dedication
i don’t regret it anymore
art stems from feelings
thank you for the fleeting moments
because you all have inspired me
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