Do you know what it feels like?
To imagine killing people, and then feel slightly guilty after thinking so
Do you know what it feels like?
To hurt yourself feeling you deserve it, and afterwards you regret it
Do you know what it feels like?
To be a lesser being, to not even matter that the world doesn't hear you screaming
Do you know what it feels like?
To want to rip your own heart out, to stop the feeling, to stop the pain, to rid the burden, and the heavy rain
Do you know what it feels like?
**To be on the outside of every single thing

Just one more
Maybe five
I can never reach my goal
It keeps getting lower

Today is the first time in a while
A full meal was eaten
My tummy got full
But maybe too much
It's like I can feel myself getting
Bigger

I don't like it
I wish it would stop
But I let it keep happening
It's like I've lost control

My ribs
My collarbone
They are becoming more visible
How is no one noticing?
Do they just not care?

All I need
Is for someone to care
For someone to assure me
That everything will be fine
In the end

I need someone to tell me
I'm beautiful
But I need it to be believable
I'm sorry if you've told me before
And I didn't believe you

These voices in my head
They're tearing me apart
They might end up being the death of me
Whether it be starving
Or I pull the trigger

I wish it would all be over
I wish I would be happy with myself

I'm 10 under my initial goal
But now it's 10 lower
How much longer will this go on?

Someone please help me

I must decide which words to shout
Which words to whisper
Which words to scream
Which words to silence
Which words to say in monotone
And where my voice cracks
Now we're back
To the beginning of the same sentence
I must decide where to look
Where to look for you
Where to look for piece of mind
And it's the confines in which you restrain your mind that dictate how you define
"Are you okay?"

I remember everything you said to me
And how you wanted everything to be
I remember when you said forever
And how you wanted to be with me whenever
I remember the way you used to smile
And how you wanted to see me walk down the aisle
I remember the way we used to be
And how you said you only wanted me
I remember when you said "I love you"
And how ecstatic I was to say "I love you too"
I remember the way those words rambled off your tongue
And how people said we were too young
But I remember how I felt about you
And how I knew it was too good to be true
Because I remember the way you left me
And how you just let me be
You hung up the phone and left me there to cry
But I wasn't ready to say goodbye
I'm still not ready to move on
But all my happiness has been withdrawn
I just wish you would come back
And give me back all the happiness that has been lacked.