one day you'll ask me why
i hate the smell of beer,
and i'll have to tell you
it filled the air when he hit her,
then you'll notice
how i avoid red wine,
and i'll look away to say that
she reeked of it when she screamed at me,
you'll pick up on
how much ***** makes me gag,
and i'll be ashamed to tell you
i washed it out of my hair at 3 am while sobbing,
i'll push away jack
and you'll be sure to ask why,
and i'll cry and tell you
i can't remember why i hate it,
that i can't remember much at all

and then you'll know who i was
when i wasn't me

She said razor blades.
I started thinking about cutting.
I hate myself I can’t even think of knifes or razors, if I do I want to cut.

Girl, your stunning personality
Takes my breath away
Beautiful and gorgeous
You are the sunshine each day
So gentle and pure
Tender and true
Your sophistication
Brings out the highlights in you

Death is the consequence of life but
People die trying to have a life

Living in a world of grey
Though only black and white
Are the colors that I see
Whether day or night

I just really can't believe
That what You see is true
And how can you tell me
That i should feel like you

Seeing flowers trees and birds
And plays, and sad, sad movies
Does not invoke such thoughts you see
And you can't show them to me

My world is perfect, pristine and white
You nought but trespass here
What audacity you have
To say my world is weird

My heart is great and deep and wide
More empty than the night
I rather think you cluttered
Sure you have your feelings right?

Through depths of sorrow can I waltz
Like floating on the breeze
Your happines is much too loud
And unplesant for me

I still can't figure how you get
So angry and upset
Over things that others do
When still you've never met

Please instruct me, teach me
Oh great, wise, philosopher
Just how it is I need
Your feelings that occur

You say I'm broken, strange, messed up
You say you can help
I say if you are that good at it
Then you should help yourself

Your social customs, curticies
You do them without purpose
You cling so tightly hold them close
I gladly call them worthless

I'm not so cold and callused
As though it prolly seems
I'm really still working on
Which response you need

I may not cry when someone falls
Whether you or I
But I can promise I'll be the first
To help your tears to dry

Friend and family and acquaintance
All mean the same to me
I'll gladly help you when you need
With no return or fee

Eating breathing sometimes bleeding
Still less man than machine
Dont be so surprised when I
Respond mechanically

Living in a world of grey
Though only black and white
Are the colors that I see
There's only wrong or right

I can't believe it
I've waited for this moment all my life
I've waited for her to break his heart
To leave him

But why?
Why do I feel pain?
Why does it hurt?
Why am I not happy?
Why?

Maybe it's because he's hurt
He feels pain
He's not happy
Maybe that's why

I can see it in what he writes
He still loves her
Cares for her
Wants her back

Or maybe it's the fact that he's  still not mine
Or it's because he still loves her
Or he doesn't notice me as her replacement,
it's because he sees me as a sister or a friend

I might not be those things
But for me he'll always be


...Him.