You cant save my life
I am drawn
drawn in my own pain

You cant make me happy
I am covered
Covered with my own grief

You cant read me
I am written in the paper
damped by my own tears

I want to tell him
that I’m scared,
that I’ve been here before.
And that the last time I felt potential like this it imploded;
I imploded.
But I don’t want to taint it,
You see I’m still hopeful
That maybe this time
Won’t end up laced with maybes,
Or what ifs,
Or open wounds pouring blood onto paper.
That maybe this time,
just won’t end.

I’ve not quite worked out whether I think it’s beautiful,
Or stupid -
The human capacity,
And pliancy,
And longing,
For love.

I loved before
She was my surfboard
Our love created the waves
But as the water subside
So did our fire that could engulf any flame
Snuffed out by rough hands
Choked until it suffocated
Stuck in low tide  
Now what I felt has gone and hide
Could it ever be found
To afraid to be betrayed
To caution to put up my heart for auction again
No bidder can ever win
My heart behind a stripped locked
Cause by the wrong keys
But I ask
Could I ever fall again

This room gives me unhappy thoughts
As I sit grumpily and down
I never listen, all self-taught
None make me smile even a clown

Early I know but still sleepy
My mind temps me to dream freely
I should be there outside running
There in the cool river swimming

There’s a movement on the girls side
Curiosity aroused inside
Our teacher came all settle down
Then called a name new to my ears..


Curiosity fills my dull soul
I look up and my time slow
A sudden bliss ignite my heart
Oh, Monday not a bad start

There standing in front of me
This naked mortal eyes to see
Young and innocent, an angel
With a pretty charming name "Belle"

A star fallen to the earth
With a face that glows in every smile
Her warm voice a sweet symphony
What a thrill she's my new classmate..

I do not exactly know how i lived. But i did. and I do.
I do not know what it means to live, and yet i have, it is true.  
I am a pendulum, forgotten by physics
I will never not swing.
I will always sing through the air.
and when I'm here, or when I am there
I'll always live, though it's never fair.

Stay busy
assiduous.
Gym- work- dogs
cutting the lawn
pulling weeds
research-
volunteer at the
community theater...
anything and
everything.
Fill every waking moment.
That way
I have no time to think
about you....
If only dreams
were as easily
manipulated!