I tell myself I can do it
I can be without friends
But I can't
And I might have figured out why

I'm human

afghan traditions
not hard to find
their hospitality is like no other
the food, crisp and light
or fluffy and melting
you know it will be good

assalamu alaikum!
wa alaikum assalaam
you say
it is a greeting of sorts
a way to say hello!

islam
is their religion
belief in the oneness of god
beleif in all

afghanistan

I don't know why I'm crying
My day hasn't started yet
but
I'm in a room
where darkness looms
with memories
I cant forget.

rich of culture
vast and far
deep and wide
there is no end
to the beauty of you
dresses and food and colors here
stories and fires and dancing there
so much of it
it never ends
this beautiful place

afghanistan

There's a kangaroo in your closet!

What?

There's a kangaroo in your closet!

No...there isn't

It is, trust me it's there!

I know what's in my closet, what you're doing isn't fair

He's crying out for help, he's there, he's there!

I will not doubt myself
I saw there was nothing to be seen

But please...

Why do you care?

Because I made a mess in there...

I see
Please go far far away from me

unlovable heart with a lot of love to give  in
no one still born to perceive it
black heart ;still not beating
locked in my room screaming and dreaming
getting this **** in

parallel universe where
i don't get beaten
by the birth givers that really didn't mean it
Man emienem is all I got ;
apart from this half pound of ***
that will make my blood here clot
stuck in a lousy hospital
ain't got the cheddar to em back
money and fame ain't all I lack
Don't even have my parents to have my back.

i met this woman with nice ol' heart
but maybe all these problems
is just gonna make us grow apart
But i really wanna love you man
just give me a shot ,
just a chance and maybe a dance

It's always between the two.
Myself or everyone else?
Myself or my family?
Honest to myself or acceptable to everyone else?
Truth or tradition?

I don't want to lose them, their respect, everyone's respect.
Nobody is going to accept me or take me seriously, and I can't just give up everything I'm known as.
Can't give up the little I have left.

But I can't live like this.
Every day like this just feels so wrong.
I hate myself,
I hate living.

I can't live my life like this, live someone else's life.
I try to convince myself that I'm wrong, that I'm just doing it for the 'trend', for attention
but I can't.
I can't stand looking like this, being seen as something I'm just not.

But a big part of society hates the existence of people like me,
my friends hate the existence of people like me,
my family hates the existence of people like me.

What am I meant to do?
I hate this so much.
The constant reminders, the self-hatred, peer-judgment, fear, frustration, people on social media and the news and the government and ****,
I hate this so so so much.

Why don't I feel good about this?
I've been practically killing myself for 3 years and... I got what I wanted.

"Wanted".

Did I really want this?
Was all that for just this?
I should be grateful, I know I should,
but I still find myself asking why.

Why?

They didn't do ****, I did.
They told me and all I said was "oh, wow".
I can't say I didn't expect it, but, I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm not mad that I got it, of course, but not really happy either.
I don't really feel anything about it. I tell people, and I don't feel any pride, just nothing.

Nothing...

nothing
nothing
nothing
nothing.