I'm trying to stop
Although kind of, I'm not.
I might want to feel okay today,
Reliving through ways,
It's not harmful they say.
Hiding in your mind until it's okay to come outside
Just for a few seconds at a time,
Yeah I'm sure you think that's fine.
I daydream about living a normal life,
Dramatic yes, but it's what I decide
Even if I don't want it.
I don't want someone I love most to die.
Sometimes I wonder if I can do it,
Stop it.
No don't say that too,
You don't understand it.
If I want something like this falsity I'm immersed in
Then I'll have to live outside of it.
You think it's so easy,
You think it's all right
To keep it
And no I won't give it up -
That's not something that's possible,
It's not something I'm capable truly to fight.
Nothing is ever enough.
I give myself what I want
And what I would hate most:
They are mixed together
But if you wake up in my reality,
Much of that you will not see.
I wrote this because I needed to. I am posting this not only because I have written it but also to raise awareness. Maladaptive Daydreaming is real. It affects me everyday and although there are online forums it is very hard to get substantial help when it is unrecognised. I try to explain it to my counsellor and although she takes me seriously I don't feel like it is enough to substantially comfort me. Some people say this doesn't negatively affect them but if it's truly maladaptive it can be some type of painful. Maladaptive Daydreaming is often called a disorder - which I agree with but some people disagree (it effects me enough to label as such) and if you read this and you could just spend some time researching and passing on helpful awareness that would be very appreciated by myself and many others trying to cope with the same thing!