Cry not the pain that breaks your heart
When love no longer fills that part
Of a life long gone.

I'm sobering up now
and it starts to hit me;
one word screams in the back of my mind.

I finally arrive home and I feel physically sick.
Not because of the alcohol,
but from the events of the night

I walk into my bathroom
and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
I take off my make up,
and erase any evidence
of her lipstick on my cheeks.

I stand there
staring at myself.
My face is a wreck
my hair is a mess
and I smell like alcohol and cigarettes.

I change,
wash my face,
and climb into bed.
The clock reads
4:27

That's when the tears begin to form.

This feeling isn't new
I've experienced it before,
many times before now

But this time
it's different.
This time
I name it.

Guilt.

It's a funny thing.
It's a strange kind of feeling                                                          ­                          

You first experience it as a child,
taking that cookie
from the cookie jar
when no one was looking.                                                         ­                             

It feels great at first.
adrenaline
kicks in and you feel
like you can do anything.                                                        ­                                

But you know
deep inside
you know
you can't.                                                           ­                         

You will eventually
be caught.
Someone saw you
take that cookie,
steal that t-shirt,
lie to that boy,
kiss that girl                                                             ­                         

Someone saw you.                                                             ­                           

The truth will always come out.

Guilt.

When it sets in
there's no turning back.
No changing what you've done.
And that feeling
of knowing
you ****** up
and there's nothing you can do
that feeling
can tear you a part.
                                                           ­                         
that feeling
can hurt you
in ways you never thought
you could be hurt.

Guilt.                                                    ­                                    
When it sets in
you realize
you've hurt not only
the people around you
but you've damaged something
deep inside yourself
that can never be repaired.
                                                       ­                                   
A darkness
penetrates your soul
and settles in your heart
A darkness
that can never be removed.

Don't let your light
Be dimmed under someone's shadow

I'm standing at your grave
While the rain hides my tears
Thinking how I could be so brave
To keep the promises we had for years


Standing at your grave
Asking you some questions
Was I too naive
To understand your departing gestures


All those memories with you
A garden of roses and lotus
With nothing left to say but thank you
However now departed, somehow I still dwell in us


Tears hidden by rain
Years smitten by pain
I can count the rain drops
But I lost count of my tear drops


Unwilling to let you go
I stand in envy with the Lord
Taken from me, he has you
Asking Lord what treasure you had not


I'm clinging to your death wish
To stay brave and bold
The vision will all be blackish
And the weather will be cold.


I'll keep the promises
The promise that I'm all yours
The promise of loving you eternally
The promise to never let you go


So I'll stand daily at your grave
And tell you I've been brave
Even after you are gone
I'll dwell in us all alone.

Tomorrow never came
You took them all away
The plans that we made
A distant memory

Tomorrow will never come
All been and done
Forever gone
Like we were never as one.