If we all died alone
We all died alone, together.
And then we would be a group of humans
That just wanted love and happiness
But refuse to accept it from the lonely one dying next to you.
With you.
Wanting the same love you do
Inches away.

Silly, isn't it?

The devil is carving its name into the back of my skull with a spoon
Jesus is tap dancing on my frontal lobe
Buddha is twisting my words
While Shiva unmakes me
I need to breathe.
It's all happening forty years at a time.
My family survived long enough for me
To miss them forever.
The stars outlasted them
Even the ones dad showed me...
While I wasn't doing enough
But begging of black rites born in sadness
Drowning in this long dead foreseeable pit
Light was falling from the skies
Reflecting the way it just goes on without you
As the water enters your lungs
And the skies turn into static fuzz
Mom welcomes you home.

It's not that I'M crazy
We are locked in a world
Of barbs and razor sharp
Incentives

The radio, TV, phone, your diet, your *** life

They say we are depressed
Give us pills
Blame it on our childhood
But believe in a burning Bush

And convert yourself
To faerie tales and
Alternate facts
That the world isn't a festering pile of **** we made for ourselves out of ourselves.
All the **** and famine aside,
Everyone is happy and as long as you don't have to deal with it, it isn't a problem.
It's only on the TV.

The fact is
It really is all ****
We blew it
And the reason I don't give one flying **** about ism and proverbial sanctum
Is the very same reason I try to drink myself to death
On a regular basis

Hey! listen to me! Please!
I have this super important thing to
Unleash upon you
I'm super depressed and...
Oh yeah. I know. Yeah. I'm above this.
I'm better than this.
I should probably get over it like everyone else
I know right? I'm not the ONLY sad person on the planet.

You're right. It is a huge discomfort.
I shouldn't just vent to you about the saddest things in the universe.
I am such a **** for assuming you should have to deal with it because we're friends.
Get over it, move on, become harder than diamond.
How am I such a selfish *****?
Dealing with depression is hard I know
I'm sorry.

When I'm happy like the days of old
They just see me in my skin
The new age rot calls close
Bringing lessons from my sins

The sunlight falls upon us all
We're forgetting it like pain
My spine will dive into our wall
And it crumbles just the same

My face is just a troubled time
I cannot scratch from off my brow
The mirror is a wholesome rhyme
Practiced until now

Dying says I'm still alive and
The pain says I still feel
I'll hold my breath until you thrive
The ending I will steal

My heart is gone a hole is there
We're just wasting time away
The nothing that props us up
Holds us together.

I've worn out my usefulness
yet again.
I ran my mouth until it became uninteresting.
And brought the world around me together
Its has become a cycle of forgetting what I forgot to let go
Deep inside all I want is love and understanding
I need to learn to do this for myself.
How can I expect to achieve that which works against my obvious self.
Everyone else sees it
why can't I.
My heart becomes a shallow grave stuffed with the bodies of memories I've blocked out
And only ever told two
My eyes became full of many dirts and
Salt
My life is a room filled with happy people who know my deepest darkness
And watch me cry myself to death while I drink.
The wind outside is cruel and unforgiving.
Speaking to me through the little voice in my head.
With faces innumerable falling in love with each other
Laughing
as I run away
Yet again.

I can't breathe
Yes you can....just do it
Focus on it
Slow...
I CAN NOT
My fingers are numb...
My lips aren't there
Oh my god
am I having a heart attack
Or falling out of a nightmare
Only to wake up to a vast nothingness
splashing cold water on my face
For seventy two hours
Even the air around me is blankly staring into my soul
I'm wearing clothing made out of arachnids
Or some other major phobia
Crawling over my skin.
I can't stop shaking
STOP TELLING ME IT WILL BE OK
IT WONT
I'm so weird and broken
No you're not
YES I AM AND I WILL NEVER BE UNBROKEN
DEAL WITH IT
Wait....what was I saying?
I can't tell if I'm going to cry or *****
Knots in my stomach...
Knives.
STOP LOOKING AT ME!
Did I just say that?
How can I not be having a heart attack I can't feel my arms
You have a pulse idiot.
WELL SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
My whole life turned into a horrible mistake just now!
What have I DONE!?
It's fine! You're doing so much better...
STOP TELLING ME ITS FINE.
How can I expect you to understand. How could you?

I am you.

Oh no...
Sorry people I was having a "moment"
I'm not sorry....
I'm terrified