And when I put the pieces together the picture was
Unacceptable.
I saw the beloved and the tales said
Behind broken doors with forked tongue.
My logic could not bare justice.
And when the broken love stood high on its deus.
It's pedestal was wrought of expectations

The ministry our heart
The belonging our sight
The story we told
Was choking on light
When we sat in silence
The world became here
I saw you afar
the reality was near

What am I even supposed to do anymore???
I tell the truth and get exactly the thing I try to prevent with secrets or omission of the past
What do I do?
Live my life at arms length from those I love the most?
Or just take it for what it's worth and feel blessed for what I have?
Let go?

Or tell the world to go **** itself and accept being alone in the same biological soup of the same feces with the same faces
Names and situations
Time and TIME again
Accept being alone?
It's all a matter of perspective

Yeah well what if most of those facets are utter ******* because you did everything you were supposed to and still
Dig yourself out of your own grave
And carve out a piece of your heart to say goodbye to
Every. Single. Day.

I'm so tired of forked tongues and invisible ink
All I have ever done is love and want to be loved. Maybe a little understanding would be nice

I can't believe it took me this long to find out, this is just too much to ask.
No matter who they are or how much they say

"The truth will set you free"
Said the one that has never laid their life down on that altar
Or put truth into real legitimate life practice

"Be yourself "
Said the one covered in ink and memetic scars with the same piercings as everyone on the planet

"I love you"
Says everyone.

"I love you no matter what."
Liars.

Don't believe them.
Don't believe them.
Don't believe them.

Not the answer you wanted but
Thanks political uncle brother!
This is barely satire.
I wish it was haiku,
But who can really make a
Knife that sharp in this atmosphere.
It's a mystery alright
Aliens and Clintons

There was a light in the sky this one time a long time ago when I was crazy that forced welfare down my throat
But It's ok if you talk to god
If god is just the voice in my head then
don't talk to any of the other crazy things that tell you how to live your
Afterlife

Who have YOU been talking to?
Would you swear to it in court?
Remember that time it said
Invade thy neighbor
In a red conversation bubble and Everyone
Died

Love is so 2000 B.C.
Seven billion people and we can't
Find even one of you.

I look at the sky and "imagine" all the worms
I see the points of light and they are just One stress or another
Pushing against my tattered brain
On the pestilence knotting right against
My amygdala
I can only see them in the corners of my eyes
I draw my hands to the sky and my pulse drips between my wrists.
I am raining blood and no one has cared
For at least a decade.
It's just an idea that gnaws at me when I sleep
Or drink myself to death while everyone watches

A tall haunched over nothing with red eyes telling me to be
Still
For the sake of everyone I
Love
When I see them on the outside they creep in
Talking to me about family and blood
A fuzzy inhaled nightmare vice
Falling like snow
All over my mind

I can't breathe
Yes you can....just do it
Focus on it
Slow...
I CAN NOT
My fingers are numb...
My lips aren't there
Oh my god
am I having a heart attack
Or falling out of a nightmare
Only to wake up to a vast nothingness
splashing cold water on my face
For seventy two hours
Even the air around me is blankly staring into my soul
I'm wearing clothing made out of arachnids
Or some other major phobia
Crawling over my skin.
I can't stop shaking
STOP TELLING ME IT WILL BE OK
IT WONT
I'm so weird and broken
No you're not
YES I AM AND I WILL NEVER BE UNBROKEN
DEAL WITH IT
Wait....what was I saying?
I can't tell if I'm going to cry or *****
Knots in my stomach...
Knives.
STOP LOOKING AT ME!
Did I just say that?
How can I not be having a heart attack I can't feel my arms
You have a pulse idiot.
WELL SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
My whole life turned into a horrible mistake just now!
What have I DONE!?
It's fine! You're doing so much better...
STOP TELLING ME ITS FINE.
How can I expect you to understand. How could you?

I am you.

Oh no...
Sorry people I was having a "moment"
I'm not sorry....
I'm terrified

"Can we look at stars?" She asked.
So we stepped out of our lives
Into the pillars of creation.
The chill was biting but
The light from the most beautiful taurian sky I had ever seen washed upon our gaze and warmed our hearts.
Taurus the bear the hunter and an unknown star brighter than all others
the Queen of the sky herself came to visit this solemn night.
As we stood in the cold for those few fleeting moments
The universe heard the call of her sad heart.
And the stars fell from the heavens
in a show of radiant jubilee unmatched in this life.
When the book of the sky opened itself and shared its wisdom for all to see
it was speaking to us.
To her.
"Everything will be alright."
It said.
Heard loud and clear.

I am a candle standing in the midst of a forest fire
The ashes blowing in a cold wind over an unwound clock
Exhaled in heartache from lungs that can't cry out anymore
When you slip off a step
Or walk around a corner and see a person
But can't quite make out their face
The space in between these  moments
is where my heart aches in stillness
For those too soon lost.

The dark visions in my dreams
With red eyed intent
Reaching for the skies
With their shadowy tendrils encompassing
My sleep

The light and unimaginable beauty breaking through
Music so intense it shatters your heart on repeat.
The same dream over and over
Set on a pedestal built by thieves
Taught by liars
We were all lied to.
I know that's what you heard.
I know it's part of what you felt
I hear it everywhere too.

If we are all one
I am nothing without my missing pieces
Lost letters in volumes of pages
Clawed in walls with fingernails desperately seeking egress.

Holding the book, telling the story
of everyone ever loved
Standing on a rock in the middle of oblivion
Surrounded by no one.

I hate love my life so much
I wish it would just end go on infinite
If my entire life has been torture
My entire life has been beauty
Every waking moment pain bliss sleep
I can can't decipher or begin to explain
Yet I am forty eight words in.
Forever to end beginning tomorrow
I love with all my heart
I am dead inside.

There was a dancing light
Playing and singing
Breaking through the dew dropped moss
Only in the moments just after the dark passes
Floating along the wind
In a vast, haunted wood
Drawing the sweet forest to her
Singing songs to ancient spirits resting on mushrooms
Tickling the feet of old grumpy trees
With truth

She was a beautiful memory left deep on the shores of a distant frozen river
The falling snow that quiets the land
Gliding over the reflection of infinity
In forever hidden waters
She was unimaginable light
Trapped in a jar on a shelf
in a dark room surrounded by fear and pain

When the house fell
the sun finally rose
And the dancing light followed the moon ravenously, once again
Dancing and playing in the mist
Chasing the stars
And she never looked back.

The stars came down from the sky on a happy evening
They were children for a night and played with madness and abundance
They danced the somber evening out in the ghost grass as it coveted all dirts.
Forgetting for so many moments, wreathed in the now
They'd  been burning with power, changing the fate of forever
And existence.
Songs of so much destiny were played out by their weary hearts.
And for a while they were not alone, foreseeing futures untold and impossible yet
Right in front of their eyes
Rescinded to the heavens forgetting naught
They burn as childrens glee in innumerable skies
Never to be lost.
Until the ghost grass sees the light of many days past.
And the stars come down once again
To dance in the vision of tomorrows wake
Until drawn back into nothingness

Its funny to me because
I tried to write
A poem about how much it hurt
And then there was nothing
I literally stared at a wall in silence while
You became the static between channels
A blank alien whistle coming from
the void
A picture of white flowers with white words on white paper
I hadn't realized how long it had been since it actually hurt
But I couldn't avoid the fact that you changed me
And how I have managed to be happy a few times without you
And that I just wrote a poem about how funny it is
that you killed me inside

The chill of the twilight starting autumn creeps in

My mind has been filled with terrible sin

I fell to my knees and preyed in the dirt

The worms and the Gods will feed on my hurt

I hear all the whispers I'm feeling the fright

My call has been heard by the abominus night

I'm the void that you see when you ask from above

Mankind has now seen, and will burn from my love

I've become the darkness that looms in the sky

My wrath is upon you your people shall die

The time has come for carnal feast

I make the change from man to beast

Fangs and claws and unholy fist

Everyone's blood explodes into mist

Delicious are these broken guts

my power feeds on tender cuts

Messiahs bane at midnight hour

Lords of evil grant my power

Look up to the sky and see the moon red

now that I'm god, everyone's dead.

Why would you want this **** in your life she asks
I ask myself the same question constantly.
Yet I reply
....the same reason anyone keeps anything they love in their lives.
Even if it hurts.

The game is not a foot
It is a hand
And it is waving goodbye
Or hello
Depending on which direction we face
I wear so many faces I catch it coming and going.

Thank you for never keeping a single promise you ever made.
Thank you for making me feel
Horrifyingly inadequate
thank you for making me feel heaven
Showing me a picture of forever
And then robbing me blind

My heart is not a warm blanket to be put away when done with.
I am not a puddle of sad water to be played in with delight
Only to go home and wash off with the hottest water possible.

Thank you for abandoning me at my worst
Arguably my best
The hand can't say anything if I remove all its fingers
The game is then just a ****** stump
there will be no playing.

The only way to win the game
Is to not play it at all.
Yet this is still a very calculated maneuver.
Thus I cannot escape.
I cannot get out
I am lost.
only to find myself
staring blankly into a room full of shattered mirrors

Oh my god
I said too much again
I took off my emotional armor
Under the guise I provided myself
Drowning in apathy and beer

This is why this is SUPPOSEDLY a bad idea
Stop now
Everything is at stake (haha)
Or you made that **** up for yourself just now.
You won't know until tomorrow
Or ten times tomorrow
People remember how you
Make them feel
While we obliviously accept the love we feel we deserve
And those who take from this well, drown sadly.
Quietly.

I became my own undoing
In a matter of seconds
A picture, a word and a heartfelt explanation.
Sure as **** left unsaid
God I hope I haven't sent this.

Something inside of me is dying
And I don't know what.
There are SO many people in this world
Still sticky lifeless corpse eyes
Rife with the scent of death
Left of the side of the road
Forgotten in the sun to bake.

There are even more lonely people.
Something inside me screams
"LET IT DIE"
I simply can't admit it
I don't think I have a choice anymore
It. Is.
Killing me.

My words are my blades and they gleam in the sun
You will hear me and feel them by the time this is done
I never wanted it to go down this path
where ideas became darkness and love turned to wrath
I stand in the rain with my hands to the sky
I try not to cry and I just repeat "why"
These thoughts deep inside me will certainly die
If these wings are unfolded and my heart gets to fly
But I sat there just brooding and my mind became lonely
I myself am my own one and only
A loveless relation a mirror at best
A life of reflection and a beat in my chest
Then something black in my soul disappears
Shadows and ashes from the passing of years
It really didn't matter it all stayed the same
I tried but I couldn't give the feelings a name
My blades in the sun have now found a home
In my heart they will stay, no longer to roam
No longer to be wasted and fall on deaf ears
The death of my sadness,  and the rest of my fears.

There are sweet forest spirits
That dwell in ancient growth
Of clovers and moss
Dimly lit under beryl canopies
Near flowing waters
They would carry these great souls
Into undying peaceful lush of
Quiet happy memories and laughter
Forgetting the hardships laid upon them by war and hatred
The emptiness in their hearts will be filled
With warmth and love
being made whole once again.
All sorrow will be unmade
Playing as children dancing in the sun
On distant shores
With an eternal breeze on forever smiling faces
Calm blissful
Infinity

You are no longer part of
My world
Your name has been
Stricken.
I unmake this bond
I do not see you
I will not see you.

There is a hole in my heart
That cannot be made whole again
Because you were uncarved
And I'm ok with it.
One can only long so much
I do not beg

You are undone and absolute
This road is not a path
I am not sorry
I am happy
Without you.

This is not goodbye
This is silence
And I wish for it to
Cut deep.

I offer you peace
Without me
Carry on or not
I am now unexistence
and you are not part of my world.

I don't wear the mask anymore
But on occasion the demons come out to play
And paint my mind red
with embarrassment and whole hearted regret
The most ungovernable of emotions in your eyes
Watching the fall leaves drop in golden catastrophe over a river lost in the woods
Leftovers from the one time you were actually alive
How could I forgive myself for all the time wasted in the sad shadowy flickering light over my entire life
This beauty and this unimaginable music skipping time in my heart
The only part of the song you know forever repeating itself
whispering in your ear
until the words fall apart and you are left with ashes and pure jaw dropping love for the art of life
All I could do it stare at the sky and laugh
While the demons painted away into the long night
Wearing my mask for me, pulling my strings for me, Looking like me, talking like me and fooling everyone beyond all question
Including myself.

We will wait there
until the stars vanish in silence and the sky is quietly unmade in front of only our eyes. When there is no one left to know our names,  all winds cease and fires can no longer burn. When the sun rises in an infinite western front with a secret smile and a gift, we will observe lights first childlike laughter as it races across the slowly rocking cradle of a newborn eternity, selflessly the eaters of bad dreams and heartfelt goodbyes. The shadow death of what could have been but never was loomed over as I stood by the stair in this long broken house
and watched our sorrows murmuration into the blinking abyss
From the windows of our soul
as a new ache crossed over my heart.
Languor has its cost
And it is beautiful

I've worn out my usefulness
yet again.
I ran my mouth until it became uninteresting.
And brought the world around me together
Its has become a cycle of forgetting what I forgot to let go
Deep inside all I want is love and understanding
I need to learn to do this for myself.
How can I expect to achieve that which works against my obvious self.
Everyone else sees it
why can't I.
My heart becomes a shallow grave stuffed with the bodies of memories I've blocked out
And only ever told two
My eyes became full of many dirts and
Salt
My life is a room filled with happy people who know my deepest darkness
And watch me cry myself to death while I drink.
The wind outside is cruel and unforgiving.
Speaking to me through the little voice in my head.
With faces innumerable falling in love with each other
Laughing
as I run away
Yet again.

I'm in a different universe with you
A place without unspeakable truth
Not so afraid. Not so paranoid. 
bathed in an aura of confidence that seems to comes from nowhere.
The one constant good thing in life
That has always been there even when you were gone
Standing right beside me
A spectre that sees the good in you
no matter what
and never judges
While holding a painting of a silhouette
Hidden by a reflection of the moon on a peaceful lake
Surrounded by a lush of never before seen flora
Reminding you...
You can hear the stars burning
When the moon and the sun live in the same skies
One last time
Light and shadow etched deep into your mind
As the stars fell from the heavens
And landed upon the sacred earth
To dance once again
In the fields of dead grass
While the wind whispers happy memories
In a long lost tongue.
playing as children on distant shores
Near an unbroken sea of clear glass
There were two stars burning with unquestionable resolve
Nothing can stand in this celestial wake,
gleaming in the eyes of tomorrow
Gazing into the past
in an immolation turning regret to ash
Until rescinded back to the void from which they came
And all you did was exist.
Thank you for all you have done
And more so for all things you didn't.
You are always here
Even when you are gone.

I hate my life and we
Are one
So do you hate my life or
Hate your own because you are me
We are they and there is not
"one or the other"
in the universe we are also
One with

Yeah. I am cold and distant at times.
Most often emotionally extinct
Or reserved to the point it appears
Not to exist
The opposite of everything I hold dear
And the simultanious co-location
Those times zen rears its baleful head

I wore the horror mask for four long months
When the neurologist told me
I was depressed
It took the last of my energy to not paint the joker on my face and laugh him into a corner with my hands locked around his twelve plus year degree addled throat that thought he understood
While the life escaped his eyes
Depressed.

Not like it was the first time I thought someone understood my nightmares...
Then abandoned me straight back to the dead slop society we have been programmed to believe in.
These were professionals.
Let us not waste a single minute of our precious money laden time on
Conversation or
Understanding
Pay up. Eat these pills. Get fixed. Be OK.
Have you ever tried NOT being sad?
It's only a feeling.
It will go away.

I hate myself so deeply for everything I've done
I can tell you with sound mind
If it weren't for the ones that really love me
And remind me on a regular basis
This conversation would have stopped abruptly after high school.

I'm a sub being I'm a snowflake blah blah blah
Waste of time and taxpayers money
I am a scar and a stupid story that has only
Itself to blame
But here I am.
In your god ****** face.
And your mind.
And your heart.
Etched into the very day you die
With my stupid words and blahologies
And my annoying *******
You hate me?
Look at what I just said about me.

I'll probably die before you
Take solace in that
Have fun with the rest of the ****.

When I'm happy like the days of old
They just see me in my skin
The new age rot calls close
Bringing lessons from my sins

The sunlight falls upon us all
We're forgetting it like pain
My spine will dive into our wall
And it crumbles just the same

My face is just a troubled time
I cannot scratch from off my brow
The mirror is a wholesome rhyme
Practiced until now

Dying says I'm still alive and
The pain says I still feel
I'll hold my breath until you thrive
The ending I will steal

My heart is gone a hole is there
We're just wasting time away
The nothing that props us up
Holds us together.

Hey! listen to me! Please!
I have this super important thing to
Unleash upon you
I'm super depressed and...
Oh yeah. I know. Yeah. I'm above this.
I'm better than this.
I should probably get over it like everyone else
I know right? I'm not the ONLY sad person on the planet.

You're right. It is a huge discomfort.
I shouldn't just vent to you about the saddest things in the universe.
I am such a **** for assuming you should have to deal with it because we're friends.
Get over it, move on, become harder than diamond.
How am I such a selfish *****?
Dealing with depression is hard I know
I'm sorry.

My mind is a shimmering blade singing with starlight
Forged in a white cloud passing through the sky,
in the light of the moon
Constant and ever changing
Yet lays at rest in a small Shinto shrine deep in the woods
waiting to cut.
My heart is the shadow dancing around in silence during a deep contemplation
With butterflies and rare flowers blowing in the chill wind under the moonlit night
Near an ancient waterfall that whispers your name.
We are not alone in this
Everyone who has a hole in something they cared for has left
holy writs branded and disfiguring the face of tomorrow
Lost in a room full of shattered mirrors
Desperately swimming in a bladed sea for the picture
Only to see a reflection in the pool of blood you made for yourself,
out of yourself,
and your life
...and everyone else's.
Heaven became what you made it.

A white cloud...lost in the wind...
Forever at peace
Flowing waters under the most beautiful sunrise
in a place that lives deep inside
the love you just happen to hold
most dear.
The angels singing when you look at someone's face
A smiling nothingness
That has always been
And will never be.
both human
And divine

In the play of light and dark
I couldn't believe my own eyes
When the eagle soared into view
As I gazed across dark waters
And saw four mountains against
An unbreakable sky
With gleaming sun breaking through emerald boughs
And wind whispering in our ears
Light and dark stood at my side smiling
With the shadows dancing in the tall grass

As the sky laid itself to rest
We were bathed in gold, silver and crimson
While a sweet lull fell upon the shores
It was so beautiful I was afraid I would
Wake up at any moment
Looking into the void of many days past
And the brilliance of those yet to come
With the pale glow of days end
Nourishing the good buried deep in our hearts
Hope became rational.

In the play of light and dark
Fear was never an option
The stage was littered with discarded masks
No longer needed
Long since forgotten .

If we all died alone
We all did, alone, together
And then we would be a group of humans that just want love and happiness...but refuse to accept it from the lonely one dying next to you. With you. Wanting the same love you do.

Silly. Isn't it?

I drive way too fast
I listen to music so loud it hurts
I drink to get drunk not to be social.
I take the wrong turns
And the road less traveled
Because I want to.
There are more interesting things along the way
Dangerous or not
I walk into the woods at night alone
I carry a blade not a gun
Our mortality is the very reason I do so

you know something is watching
You can feel it
Sometimes it's good to be observed
By the unknown

It's that very feeling
Right before you are going to lose something dear
When you have to say goodbye
And you know it's forever
And have no choice
When you gain something you never knew you were looking for
Or already had
When you do things that terrify you
Because something inside you says you will regret it the rest of your life if you do not.

The watcher is telling you...you are indeed alive,
And you will be tomorrow.
It's coming and you can't stop it.
Your participation is encouraged but non-essential.

Wake up

The inevitables of life have really been getting to me lately
I didn't know her very well but
She died and... it made me question my entire being
It really really bugs me.
I couldn't even cry and still can't and that bugs me even more
Now I don't even know what I want anymore
and I have this impending doom  creeping in my chest
 "The world could end tomorrow and I have wasted my life"
kind of doom.
Now I am a third the way through it
And I can't go back
More likely half

The underwater explorer,
a man on the moon,
the world saving scientist,
love...children
And that's it.
Dreams are just that.
until they die or are killed by
someone elses dream
And I'm sitting here watching my closest friends go through it
Every stage from young until old
Realizing that I have been staring into a mirror
my entire life

Locked in a box made of societal issues so thick I can't hear the people screaming at me
"Your life is a lie and so is mine!"

The dread is overwhelming
That IS the wisdom.
One simple problem one simple answer
It all ends the same
No one ever gets young
And we all think there is plenty of time.

It's not that I'M crazy
We are locked in a world
Of barbs and razor sharp
Incentives

The radio, TV, phone, your diet, your *** life

They say we are depressed
Give us pills
Blame it on our childhood
But believe in a burning Bush

And convert yourself
To faerie tales and
Alternate facts
That the world isn't a festering pile of **** we made for ourselves out of ourselves.
All the **** and famine aside,
Everyone is happy and as long as you don't have to deal with it, it isn't a problem.
It's only on the TV.

The fact is
It really is all ****
We blew it
And the reason I don't give one flying **** about ism and proverbial sanctum
Is the very same reason I try to drink myself to death
On a regular basis

Stop accepting things about me and acting like you are above what I've done.
Stop understanding "that's just the way I am" because its not.
And I could care less about understanding from the likes, anyhow.
It took me a long time to realize, no one even asked.
I'm sick of everyones arm
And its length
The smiles of normalcy,
The jest in parting
Followed by forked tongues behind closed doors.
Everyone and their secrets
no one is supposed to talk it yet are common knowledge.
Well guess what.
Mine are too,
So there are no secrets nor a  choice in the matter.
You either get it or you don't
No one will ever set foot in these mangled shoes
And I'm sick and tired of thinking anyone might give enough of a **** to do so, I'm sure as hell not getting in yours.
Which begs the question, why did I care in the first place.
Well I don't anymore.
And honestly I'm better off without.
The world can still go **** itself
But not for anyone else this time
Just me.

One of the most Absolutely mind shatteringly beautiful anythings anyone has ever or could hope to see.
With windows into the soul
that burn blue the way only the brightest stars can in purest of dark
The eyes of eternity staring back at you
You've been dealing with
something so beautiful it takes time to sink in.
You can't just look, one must also understand
And by that time it's too late.
The kind of pretty books are written about
Some kind of delightful faerie hallucination
In golden fields, laced with Starshine
Listening to the most beautiful music imaginable.
A place deep in the woods never seen by man.
The beauty of insanity which has never been touched
And knows naught of its own existence
In sadness, thunder rolling across dark plains
Casting rainbows in the far away
It's own kind of smile
Shadows cast in twilight by roses in the ponderance of a hope and a dream
Scents of sweet moonflowers and lavender dancing around your heart
As the light of the most perfect day under a sapphire lens lays precious lips upon memories of laughter and belonging
And whispers of reality...
The first time you ever...really saw the sky
And understood what you lack in perception
Truly beautiful.

When you find out you really would do anything for someone
The question of whether or not never even comes to mind because it
does not exist.
Not just die or ****...

when you hold them and you feel it deep inside you have become part of each other
and you feel like you're sinking into their very being
you don't even have to look to know if they are happy or sad
you just know, no matter the distance.

When you become a ball of feelings that haunt your very existence
the most complicated thing you've ever felt
Hack slash burn trick addle and bleed anything that would get in the way?
Maybe.
Watch the sky, make some cookies, smile.
Look them right in their beautiful eyes and live life I say.
It's always the little things that matter the most
the ability and privilege to do so and
keeping it safe.
Knowing it will always exist and evolve
truly sacred.

The devil is carving its name into the back of my skull with a spoon
Jesus is tap dancing on my frontal lobe
Buddha is twisting my words
While Shiva unmakes me
I need to breathe.
It's all happening forty years at a time.
My family survived long enough for me
To miss them forever.
The stars outlasted them
Even the ones dad showed me...
While I wasn't doing enough
But begging of black rites born in sadness
Drowning in this long dead foreseeable pit
Light was falling from the skies
Reflecting the way it just goes on without you
As the water enters your lungs
And the skies turn into static fuzz
Mom welcomes you home.

If we all died alone
We all died alone, together.
And then we would be a group of humans
That just wanted love and happiness
But refuse to accept it from the lonely one dying next to you.
With you.
Wanting the same love you do
Inches away.

Silly, isn't it?

Sometimes in life all we need is the proof
A faceless name we all know as truth
Releasing the pain that we hold deep inside
A comforting shoulder when you don't want to hide
Reckless and wanton the feelings we bare
Trusting in something you can't help but share
Our loved ones see beauty when we make it all rhyme
But few understand this thin paper dime
Holding the wishes and scars from the past
In hopes they transform into love that will last
We cannot we will not succumb to these screams
One day they will die like so many dreams

I will always miss you
The you I thought you were
Normally I could just let go
Instead I have no choice but to watch you
The you that is a ghost running around my head
And turned my unfortunate heart, yet again, into a tombstone with your name etched in silence
You will always be a picture of a poisonous flower
Just the suggestion of the beauty
Coupled with a harsh omission of reality
everyone will say  "its only a feeling it will go away"
How do they not understand
That is the
saddest
part.

It's like... yeah! I'm ok! Obviously!
As if they expected you to say anything else?
Have you tried saying anything else?
Good luck with that.

Yes darling.  I am ok.
Everything is fine.
No I don't want to talk about my deranged nightmares
No it had nothing to do with you
Don't be sorry
No you can't do anything to help
It's not your fault

I'm sorry my dreams are too insane for everyone
Bloodbath bloodborne star struck endless pits of eternity?
Every time your heart stopped in sheer terror?
On repeat until you sweat yourself awake?
Or wake up in the livingroom?