Hey! listen to me! Please!
I have this super important thing to
Unleash upon you
I'm super depressed and...
Oh yeah. I know. Yeah. I'm above this.
I'm better than this.
I should probably get over it like everyone else
I know right? I'm not the ONLY sad person on the planet.

You're right. It is a huge discomfort.
I shouldn't just vent to you about the saddest things in the universe.
I am such a **** for assuming you should have to deal with it because we're friends.
Get over it, move on, become harder than diamond.
How am I such a selfish *****?
Dealing with depression is hard I know
I'm sorry.

When I'm happy like the days of old
They just see me in my skin
The new age rot calls close
Bringing lessons from my sins

The sunlight falls upon us all
We're forgetting it like pain
My spine will dive into our wall
And it crumbles just the same

My face is just a troubled time
I cannot scratch from off my brow
The mirror is a wholesome rhyme
Practiced until now

Dying says I'm still alive and
The pain says I still feel
I'll hold my breath until you thrive
The ending I will steal

My heart is gone a hole is there
We're just wasting time away
The nothing that props us up
Holds us together.

I've worn out my usefulness
yet again.
I ran my mouth until it became uninteresting.
And brought the world around me together
Its has become a cycle of forgetting what I forgot to let go
Deep inside all I want is love and understanding
I need to learn to do this for myself.
How can I expect to achieve that which works against my obvious self.
Everyone else sees it
why can't I.
My heart becomes a shallow grave stuffed with the bodies of memories I've blocked out
And only ever told two
My eyes became full of many dirts and
Salt
My life is a room filled with happy people who know my deepest darkness
And watch me cry myself to death while I drink.
The wind outside is cruel and unforgiving.
Speaking to me through the little voice in my head.
With faces innumerable falling in love with each other
Laughing
as I run away
Yet again.

I can't breathe
Yes you can....just do it
Focus on it
Slow...
I CAN NOT
My fingers are numb...
My lips aren't there
Oh my god
am I having a heart attack
Or falling out of a nightmare
Only to wake up to a vast nothingness
splashing cold water on my face
For seventy two hours
Even the air around me is blankly staring into my soul
I'm wearing clothing made out of arachnids
Or some other major phobia
Crawling over my skin.
I can't stop shaking
STOP TELLING ME IT WILL BE OK
IT WONT
I'm so weird and broken
No you're not
YES I AM AND I WILL NEVER BE UNBROKEN
DEAL WITH IT
Wait....what was I saying?
I can't tell if I'm going to cry or *****
Knots in my stomach...
Knives.
STOP LOOKING AT ME!
Did I just say that?
How can I not be having a heart attack I can't feel my arms
You have a pulse idiot.
WELL SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
My whole life turned into a horrible mistake just now!
What have I DONE!?
It's fine! You're doing so much better...
STOP TELLING ME ITS FINE.
How can I expect you to understand. How could you?

I am you.

Oh no...
Sorry people I was having a "moment"
I'm not sorry....
I'm terrified

I drive way too fast
I listen to music so loud it hurts
I drink to get drunk not to be social.
I take the wrong turns
And the road less traveled
Because I want to.
There are more interesting things along the way
Dangerous or not
I walk into the woods at night alone
I carry a blade not a gun
Our mortality is the very reason I do so

you know something is watching
You can feel it
Sometimes it's good to be observed
By the unknown

It's that very feeling
Right before you are going to lose something dear
When you have to say goodbye
And you know it's forever
And have no choice
When you gain something you never knew you were looking for
Or already had
When you do things that terrify you
Because something inside you says you will regret it the rest of your life if you do not.

The watcher is telling you...you are indeed alive,
And you will be tomorrow.
It's coming and you can't stop it.
Your participation is encouraged but non-essential.

Wake up

Stop accepting things about me and acting like you are above what I've done.
Stop understanding "that's just the way I am" because its not.
And I could care less about understanding from the likes, anyhow.
It took me a long time to realize, no one even asked.
I'm sick of everyones arm
And its length
The smiles of normalcy,
The jest in parting
Followed by forked tongues behind closed doors.
Everyone and their secrets
no one is supposed to talk it yet are common knowledge.
Well guess what.
Mine are too,
So there are no secrets nor a  choice in the matter.
You either get it or you don't
No one will ever set foot in these mangled shoes
And I'm sick and tired of thinking anyone might give enough of a **** to do so, I'm sure as hell not getting in yours.
Which begs the question, why did I care in the first place.
Well I don't anymore.
And honestly I'm better off without.
The world can still go **** itself
But not for anyone else this time
Just me.

I hate love my life so much
I wish it would just end go on infinite
If my entire life has been torture
My entire life has been beauty
Every waking moment pain bliss sleep
I can can't decipher or begin to explain
Yet I am forty eight words in.
Forever to end beginning tomorrow
I love with all my heart
I am dead inside.