You told me you adored flowers
so I grew you a garden

and planted myself in the soil

with hopes that one day

you would adore me

but 
you didn’t even notice me

I guess that’s because

you were too busy picking daisies
to notice that I was a rose

I feel it again
A seething, writhing
Burn me down
I see it again
In myself
And I'm afraid
Maybe dreams that help me live
Make me die

I punch the walls
That I'll become
Concrete walls
I'm not afraid of pain
I hurt myself
My emptiness
My busted knuckles

I am again
Leaving my imprint
In these walls I see
These walls again
As I have always been
Will always be
Residual memory
A movement with no feeling

I strike at walls
That trap me in
My hands broken and ******
I'm not afraid of pain
But I'm petrified
Of life like this
My busted knuckles

I'm afraid instead of becoming you
I'll turn into a wall

I am the clown
In this town.

To where i am the center
Of their teasing
And jokes
As if they never see me
Frown.

All they see is my
Joker's hat,
That everything
They throw
At me
Never hurts.

I guess that's all i
Ever be...

Perhaps it's my fault
For letting them think
That way,
I never fight
A war between egos.

Silence and smiles
Are all i ever
Masked
Myself...

Its my strength
In weakness
Its my hope
My blind faith
When I couldn't find god
But I still had demons
Who chase me
From building to building
They ride with me in cars
And block my view of the stars
If and when I chance to look for stars
Its my soul
Obdurate
When my body is weak
But too hard
To let the hands that hold me
Leave marks
I was always meant to be alone
I wasn't made to love
And every time I cry for help
No one hears me

I wrote a beautiful song
And sent it your direction
Because I want my art to be lost
In the abyss

You say your always there
But you were never here
You say you're listening
I know that no one hears me

I wish my life was black and white
but it's full of vibrant colours
I wish I could be open
but my feelings are bottled up
I wish I could swim
but at the moment I sink
I wish I could be free
but I'm stuck in a cage
I wish it was just me
so I didn't have to worry about what people will think
I wish life was simple
but it's beyond my understanding