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731 · Aug 2018
The Silent Cry For Help
Lilla Aug 2018
I sit there, Silent hoping for someone to notice my pain.
To look past my smile, to look into my eyes.
I want someone to know that my silence is my loudest cry for help.
They don't question why I'm quiet anymore.
I was forgotten and left behind.
All because my cry for help wasn't loud enough for them.
479 · Oct 2018
Cruel
Lilla Oct 2018
Knowing I'm not perfect
I can't help but cry
Life shattered me
Life was a lie

My heart was broken
Everything collapsed

People left
Love faded
Everyone turned away
All was never forgiven
Safety was forgotten
Everyone lied
Look at all the first letter of the side
312 · Aug 2018
HPDH
Lilla Aug 2018
I cannot help but stop and look at the horrible heartache.
Now atrocious is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the heartache is ugly.

The somatic sensation that's really sudden,
Above all others is the pain.
Never forget the abrupt and unexpected pain.

Pay attention to the despair,
the despair is the most zany feeling of all.
Murmur.
Why is it so zany?

Pay attention to the heartbreak,
the heartbreak is the most wooly sorrow of all.
Never forget the addled and muddled heartbreak.
302 · Oct 2018
I feel like dying
Lilla Oct 2018
I am a prisoner, locked up behind Xanax bars / I have just boarded a plane without a pilot
Song Lyrics, I'll be posting a lot of these
268 · Oct 2018
The best dreams
Lilla Oct 2018
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
266 · Oct 2019
T R U E L O V E
Lilla Oct 2019
It was supposed to be true love
I shared with you my heart
our hearts were bound,
souls and souls facing darkness
was there no swear?

But our love was just a mirage
it cuts me truly
there was only history
may you find happiness.
To my ex
234 · Oct 2018
It isn't
Lilla Oct 2018
Depression isn't just being sad, it's feeling hopeless
Anxiety isn't being nervous, it's feeling like you'll mess everything up
Insomnia isn't getting one less hour of sleep, It's staying up all night restless
Trauma isn't one bad experience, it's not being able to be around certain things because all it does is remind you
Please, It's never what people say it is, ask someone that knows.
230 · Jun 2018
Why not a period
Lilla Jun 2018
They all say, never use a period in your life use a semicolon; Whats the point of a semicolon when I feel like I don't need it; I'm ready to go anyways.
Why a semicolon
228 · May 2018
Silver and Red
Lilla May 2018
My Silver and red spotted friend is no longer pure, Its tainted with the thoughts of no other, It's no longer spotted but dripping red, and his friend is dead all because of a silver and red spotted friend
I have 4 of these friends!
222 · Jan 2019
I N N O C E N C E
Lilla Jan 2019
' ' you took away my innocence and the purity ' '
Time is precious but in its place,
I am but a lost soul
don't pray for me
I am not a perfect person
' ' you took away my innocence and the purity ' '
the sadness afflicts
220 · May 2020
This is America
Lilla May 2020
This is America
Where it is legal to **** a trans or lgbtq person
This is America
Where POC fear just going for a run or speaking
This is America
Where our president is a known ****** predator
This is America
Where only 6% of the monsters go to jail
This is America
Where I'm ashamed to be
This is America
Where I hate to be
I'm ashamed to be here, I really am
192 · May 2018
The Fee
Lilla May 2018
The fee of death is so much more
It like a war with my mind
and I don't think I'll win...
all because is hard to find the kind ones now
I don't know how I break through but I do anyhow...
Why is there a fee for death? Many ask this...
I say its all because of the shortness of breath and how your hair is a mess as you press a hand on your slowing heart...
Its almost like art, as you get torn apart by your own mind...
All because the fee of death is a sharp knife to the soul and mind
But the only twist is...
The knife is the words that come out of your mouth when you don't think...
Its the fee you have to pay for the words you say...
174 · Jan 2019
R U N
Lilla Jan 2019
' ' RUN ' ' I hear your voice call, but run from what
They say, all good things must end
' ' RUN ' ' I hear your voice call, but run from what
I'll stand by you for always, you said
your stare burns the body
loneliness is my only companion
Now, I am only your memories.
' ' RUN ' ' I hear your voice call, but run from what
The loneliness?
Lilla Oct 2018
Everywhere I look someone dies / wonder when it’s my turn
153 · Jan 2019
T H E A B U S E
Lilla Jan 2019
The abuse changed me
Complexion
a second, a second
The abuse changed me
The abuse changed me
for as the hour draws near, darkness descends
Put to rest, in your soul
152 · Oct 2018
Stan
Lilla Oct 2018
You coulda rescued me from drowning / now it’s too late, I’m on a thousand downers now, I’m drowsy / and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
151 · Oct 2018
Hurt
Lilla Oct 2018
What have I become, my sweetest friend / everyone I know goes away in the end
151 · Oct 2018
Im sorry
Lilla Oct 2018
I
IM
IM S
IM SO
IM SOR
IM SORR
IM SORRY
IM SORRY I
IM SORRY IM
IM SORRY IM N
IM SORRY IM NO
IM SORRY IM NOT
IM SORRY IM NOT P
IM SORRY IM NOT PE
IM SORRY IM NOT PER
IM SORRY IM NOT PERF
IM SORRY IM NOT PERFE
IM SORRY IM NOT PERFEC
IM SORRY IM NOT PERFECT
Lilla Jan 2019
Dear Future Lover
I could never have loved anyone
the way I loved you
our hearts were joined,
for always in a moment
I would have followed you forever
I would have loved you always
But our soul was just a fever dream
and forever meant only an instant
and for always meant only a second
Maybe one day…
149 · Jan 2019
S U I C I D E L E T T E R
Lilla Jan 2019
' ' I'm sorry ' '
this will be the last you hear from me,
silent
not but a smile
I beg for forgiveness
torn
for it is written,
147 · Oct 2018
Depression
Lilla Oct 2018
D
DE
DEP
DEPR
DEPRE
DEPRES
DEPRESS
DEPRESSI
DEPRESSIO
DEPRESSION
142 · Oct 2018
Heavy heart
Lilla Oct 2018
I know you have a heavy heart; I can feel it when we kiss So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it.
141 · Jan 2019
L O S T
Lilla Jan 2019
I hear a voice calling ‘ ‘ your lost run and be free! ‘ ‘
Don't mourn for me
I mourn for your stare
I thought about it every single day
I am not the one you wanted me to be
for the sadness eats away
I mourn for life
For I may never make it through
I hear a voice calling ‘ ‘ your lost run and be free! ‘ ‘
139 · Jan 2019
S N A P
Lilla Jan 2019
' ' SNAP ' ' oh god it's getting closer
forgiveness,
blighted, blood-stained
you once promised me until the end of time
bleak
to forever abandon
blood-stained
135 · Oct 2018
Basket Case
Lilla Oct 2018
Sometimes I give myself the creeps / sometimes my mind plays tricks on me / it all keeps adding up I think I’m cracking up / am I just paranoid or am I just ******?
130 · Oct 2018
Fuck up
Lilla Oct 2018
Why do I **** everything up,
Why can't I just be okay,
Why do I have to run my mouth,
When will I learn...
128 · Oct 2018
Paint It, Black
Lilla Oct 2018
look inside myself and see my heart is black / I see my red door and must have it painted black / maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts / it’s not easy facing up when your whole world is black
127 · Oct 2019
P A I N
Lilla Oct 2019
I am in pain
I wonder if I'll every truly be happy
I hear the sound of the world ending
I see a fiery pit of nothingness
I want to see it all come back
I am in pain

I pretend nothing is wrong
I feel lost
I touch the blood dripping from my hips
I worry that I won't be saved
I cry about all the pain and hatred in my mind
I am in pain

I understand that somethings never end happy
I say that I'm fine, but we know the real answer
I dream about a world where nothing hurts and it's all okay
I try to see the happiness
I hope that I can be saved
I am in pain
It all hurts
127 · Aug 2018
Words from the mind
Lilla Aug 2018
Welp...My friends don't care about me apparently...
I really don't matter till I'm needed...
It hurts...I try and ignore I'm not really needed but it gets to me...
Why does no one truly care about me...
Am I just that replaceable...
The sad part is I've to head my 'friends' talk behind my back but I sit there and take it like I'm made of nothing.
I don't have the heart to leave them...I...I just don't want to be alone again...
I'm scared everyone I've ever cared about will leave me behind...
I try and Tell them what I'm going through then they say they have better things to do...
It hurts because I'll listen to them but they won't listen to me...
I'll listen to their pain but they ignore mine...
I remember I told a 'friend' I was suicidal and wanted to die...She said 'you don't matter till you actually do it...You'll never do it anyways...Your to big of a wimp...
And you know what...I sat there and let it sink in...I realized im not worth anything...
I'm just out there to help others...I serve no other purpose...
and I don't know why I stayed…
I just didn't want to be left alone...
I was scared that If I left...It happens all over
I'd find a 'friend' and they'd treat me like **** so I'd leave...
I was scared that If I was left alone I would eventually **** myself...
But I know I need to help others but I'm not needed...
I'm not needed but I wanted a purpose so I stayed quiet and suffered
I've stayed quiet for too long...
Your the first person I've told how I felt...
I was too scared to tell because I'm scared you'll say
'It doesn't matter, you talk about yourself too much why don't you go annoy someone else'
I'm terrified I'll chase you off too...
I'm scared you hate me...I'm scared that you stayed my friend out of pity.
I'm scared that you don't really care...
And it bothers me because I'm scared to ask...
Hell, I don't know why I stay with the people I do...
I trust you but im just so scared you'll leave me behind too...
Because I know...
I'm easily replaced...
It's so easy to find someone better than me...
and im sorry if im blowing up your phone...
I just needed someone to talk to...
And im sorry If you do hate me and I've wasted your time...
But just...Please don't leave me like the others...
am I really that worthless...
Am I just that much of a mistake...
This was actually something I sent my friend when I was feeling depressed and hopeless
127 · Aug 2018
Hurt
Lilla Aug 2018
How happy is the cruel anguish!
The anguish is vicious. The anguish is heartless,
an anguish is roughshod, however.

I saw the severe symptom of my generation destroyed,
How I mourned the pain.
Now critical is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the pain is terrible. with the sound of all the silence in its wake.

Why would you think the injury is small?
the injury is the biggest accident of all.
Down, down, down into the darkness of the injury,
Gently it goes becoming worse.

Pay attention to the suffering,
the suffering is the most yellow wretchedness of all.
Silence. Silence, Silence.
123 · Oct 2018
Adam’s Song
Lilla Oct 2018
Another six months, I’ll be unknown / give all my things to all my friends / you’ll never step foot in my room again / you’ll close it off, board it up
116 · Oct 2018
Depressed
Lilla Oct 2018
I try to stay positive, but all the negative ****
Is surrounding me, and I can't handle it
It's really pathetic and I immediately regret it
There I said it and I meant it
This rap thing turns me into a menace
I hate it but still, I try to defend it
I try to paint a picture and a message
For you, so you can understand the hell I'm in
The more pain that I'm telling
It feels like nobody's listening
That's why I'm stuck in the kitchen
Sinking in all the drinks that I drink
And I start to think that my drinking
Is a problem for me, can someone solve it for me
I'm probably gonna die from it
Why wouldn't I, I know I'm an alcoholic
I empty my wallet on it, got so many flaws
Do not like this at all, who the **** can I call
'Cause I'm depressed
Lyrics from the song Depressed by Trgical
112 · Oct 2018
Terror
Lilla Oct 2018
When you hugged me when I departed (dear mom)

You sent me with God's peace and called me your son.

From where did he come in the path of God's peace?

He came (dear mom) as near as (my forehead) where you kissed me mom

I'm from a nation whose children frighten him

Some enemy he is,  he who targets children

I've had to go but my brother is here now

My brother will now study all that I couldn't

My father is also here, how far can you go?

This is now a promise that you'll never be able to come here again.

I'm from a nation whose children frighten him

Some enemy he is, he who targets children.
This is pretty much about the terrorist attack at the Army Public School in Peshawar, Pakistan.

— The End —