Another six months, I’ll be unknown / give all my things to all my friends / you’ll never step foot in my room again / you’ll close it off, board it up

Sometimes I give myself the creeps / sometimes my mind plays tricks on me / it all keeps adding up I think I’m cracking up / am I just paranoid or am I just ******?

Dear Future Lover
I could never have loved anyone
the way I loved you
our hearts were joined,
for always in a moment
I would have followed you forever
I would have loved you always
But our soul was just a fever dream
and forever meant only an instant
and for always meant only a second
Maybe one day…

I try to stay positive, but all the negative ****
Is surrounding me, and I can't handle it
It's really pathetic and I immediately regret it
There I said it and I meant it
This rap thing turns me into a menace
I hate it but still, I try to defend it
I try to paint a picture and a message
For you, so you can understand the hell I'm in
The more pain that I'm telling
It feels like nobody's listening
That's why I'm stuck in the kitchen
Sinking in all the drinks that I drink
And I start to think that my drinking
Is a problem for me, can someone solve it for me
I'm probably gonna die from it
Why wouldn't I, I know I'm an alcoholic
I empty my wallet on it, got so many flaws
Do not like this at all, who the **** can I call
'Cause I'm depressed

D
DE
DEP
DEPR
DEPRE
DEPRES
DEPRESS
DEPRESSI
DEPRESSIO
DEPRESSION

Why do I **** everything up,
Why can't I just be okay,
Why do I have to run my mouth,
When will I learn...

I know you have a heavy heart; I can feel it when we kiss So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it.

I cannot help but stop and look at the horrible heartache.
Now atrocious is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the heartache is ugly.

The somatic sensation that's really sudden,
Above all others is the pain.
Never forget the abrupt and unexpected pain.

Pay attention to the despair,
the despair is the most zany feeling of all.
Murmur.
Why is it so zany?

Pay attention to the heartbreak,
the heartbreak is the most wooly sorrow of all.
Never forget the addled and muddled heartbreak.

How happy is the cruel anguish!
The anguish is vicious. The anguish is heartless,
an anguish is roughshod, however.

I saw the severe symptom of my generation destroyed,
How I mourned the pain.
Now critical is just the thing,
To get me wondering if the pain is terrible. with the sound of all the silence in its wake.

Why would you think the injury is small?
the injury is the biggest accident of all.
Down, down, down into the darkness of the injury,
Gently it goes becoming worse.

Pay attention to the suffering,
the suffering is the most yellow wretchedness of all.
Silence. Silence, Silence.

What have I become, my sweetest friend / everyone I know goes away in the end

I am a prisoner, locked up behind Xanax bars / I have just boarded a plane without a pilot

I
IM
IM S
IM SO
IM SOR
IM SORR
IM SORRY
IM SORRY I
IM SORRY IM
IM SORRY IM N
IM SORRY IM NO
IM SORRY IM NOT
IM SORRY IM NOT P
IM SORRY IM NOT PE
IM SORRY IM NOT PER
IM SORRY IM NOT PERF
IM SORRY IM NOT PERFE
IM SORRY IM NOT PERFEC
IM SORRY IM NOT PERFECT

' ' you took away my innocence and the purity ' '
Time is precious but in its place,
I am but a lost soul
don't pray for me
I am not a perfect person
' ' you took away my innocence and the purity ' '
the sadness afflicts

Depression isn't just being sad, it's feeling hopeless
Anxiety isn't being nervous, it's feeling like you'll mess everything up
Insomnia isn't getting one less hour of sleep, It's staying up all night restless
Trauma isn't one bad experience, it's not being able to be around certain things because all it does is remind you
Please, It's never what people say it is, ask someone that knows.

Everywhere I look someone dies / wonder when it’s my turn

I hear a voice calling ‘ ‘ your lost run and be free! ‘ ‘
Don't mourn for me
I mourn for your stare
I thought about it every single day
I am not the one you wanted me to be
for the sadness eats away
I mourn for life
For I may never make it through
I hear a voice calling ‘ ‘ your lost run and be free! ‘ ‘

I am in pain
I wonder if I'll every truly be happy
I hear the sound of the world ending
I see a fiery pit of nothingness
I want to see it all come back
I am in pain

I pretend nothing is wrong
I feel lost
I touch the blood dripping from my hips
I worry that I won't be saved
I cry about all the pain and hatred in my mind
I am in pain

I understand that somethings never end happy
I say that I'm fine, but we know the real answer
I dream about a world where nothing hurts and it's all okay
I try to see the happiness
I hope that I can be saved
I am in pain

look inside myself and see my heart is black / I see my red door and must have it painted black / maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts / it’s not easy facing up when your whole world is black

' ' RUN ' ' I hear your voice call, but run from what
They say, all good things must end
' ' RUN ' ' I hear your voice call, but run from what
I'll stand by you for always, you said
your stare burns the body
loneliness is my only companion
Now, I am only your memories.
' ' RUN ' ' I hear your voice call, but run from what
The loneliness?

My Silver and red spotted friend is no longer pure, Its tainted with the thoughts of no other, It's no longer spotted but dripping red, and his friend is dead all because of a silver and red spotted friend

' ' SNAP ' ' oh god it's getting closer
forgiveness,
blighted, blood-stained
you once promised me until the end of time
bleak
to forever abandon
blood-stained

You coulda rescued me from drowning / now it’s too late, I’m on a thousand downers now, I’m drowsy / and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call

' ' I'm sorry ' '
this will be the last you hear from me,
silent
not but a smile
I beg for forgiveness
torn
for it is written,

When you hugged me when I departed (dear mom)

You sent me with God's peace and called me your son.

From where did he come in the path of God's peace?

He came (dear mom) as near as (my forehead) where you kissed me mom

I'm from a nation whose children frighten him

Some enemy he is,  he who targets children

I've had to go but my brother is here now

My brother will now study all that I couldn't

My father is also here, how far can you go?

This is now a promise that you'll never be able to come here again.

I'm from a nation whose children frighten him

Some enemy he is, he who targets children.

The abuse changed me
Complexion
a second, a second
The abuse changed me
The abuse changed me
for as the hour draws near, darkness descends
Put to rest, in your soul

The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had

The fee of death is so much more
It like a war with my mind
and I don't think I'll win...
all because is hard to find the kind ones now
I don't know how I break through but I do anyhow...
Why is there a fee for death? Many ask this...
I say its all because of the shortness of breath and how your hair is a mess as you press a hand on your slowing heart...
Its almost like art, as you get torn apart by your own mind...
All because the fee of death is a sharp knife to the soul and mind
But the only twist is...
The knife is the words that come out of your mouth when you don't think...

I sit there, Silent hoping for someone to notice my pain.
To look past my smile, to look into my eyes.
I want someone to know that my silence is my loudest cry for help.
They don't question why I'm quiet anymore.
I was forgotten and left behind.
All because my cry for help wasn't loud enough for them.

This is America
Where it is legal to **** a trans or lgbtq person
This is America
Where POC fear just going for a run or speaking
This is America
Where our president is a known ****** predator
This is America
Where only 6% of the monsters go to jail
This is America
Where I'm ashamed to be
This is America
Where I hate to be

It was supposed to be true love
I shared with you my heart
our hearts were bound,
souls and souls facing darkness
was there no swear?

But our love was just a mirage
it cuts me truly
there was only history
may you find happiness.

They all say, never use a period in your life use a semicolon; Whats the point of a semicolon when I feel like I don't need it; I'm ready to go anyways.

Welp...My friends don't care about me apparently...
I really don't matter till I'm needed...
It hurts...I try and ignore I'm not really needed but it gets to me...
Why does no one truly care about me...
Am I just that replaceable...
The sad part is I've to head my 'friends' talk behind my back but I sit there and take it like I'm made of nothing.
I don't have the heart to leave them...I...I just don't want to be alone again...
I'm scared everyone I've ever cared about will leave me behind...
I try and Tell them what I'm going through then they say they have better things to do...
It hurts because I'll listen to them but they won't listen to me...
I'll listen to their pain but they ignore mine...
I remember I told a 'friend' I was suicidal and wanted to die...She said 'you don't matter till you actually do it...You'll never do it anyways...Your to big of a wimp...
And you know what...I sat there and let it sink in...I realized im not worth anything...
I'm just out there to help others...I serve no other purpose...
and I don't know why I stayed…
I just didn't want to be left alone...
I was scared that If I left...It happens all over
I'd find a 'friend' and they'd treat me like **** so I'd leave...
I was scared that If I was left alone I would eventually **** myself...
But I know I need to help others but I'm not needed...
I'm not needed but I wanted a purpose so I stayed quiet and suffered
I've stayed quiet for too long...
Your the first person I've told how I felt...
I was too scared to tell because I'm scared you'll say
'It doesn't matter, you talk about yourself too much why don't you go annoy someone else'
I'm terrified I'll chase you off too...
I'm scared you hate me...I'm scared that you stayed my friend out of pity.
I'm scared that you don't really care...
And it bothers me because I'm scared to ask...
Hell, I don't know why I stay with the people I do...
I trust you but im just so scared you'll leave me behind too...
Because I know...
I'm easily replaced...
It's so easy to find someone better than me...
and im sorry if im blowing up your phone...
I just needed someone to talk to...
And im sorry If you do hate me and I've wasted your time...
But just...Please don't leave me like the others...
am I really that worthless...
Am I just that much of a mistake...