Rafael Melendez

Rafael Melendez Oct 2020

Time goes on, as I grow older, the fear and doubts grow with me into a chasm in my mind. You fall awake, I'm another year older and you don't know who I am. You fall away deeper and deeper into this chasm in my mind.
This abyssal feeling wakes me from sleep terrified that you aren't next to me. Only a ghost in my arms, staring into my eyes, feeding this chasm in my mind.

#ghost #nightmares #personal #me

Rafael Melendez Oct 2020

Change

The nature of change is chaos, anxiety, stress, but life is change.
Love is change.
I ask for change, I want us to both be strong for the all of the change to come.

#change #stress #love

Rafael Melendez Sep 2020

Say It Back

When I say I love you, do you hold your head up high? Or do you hide face.
Don't let the others see, it's a shame.
I want to be something you're proud of, not just another of the same, lost in the crowd.

#love #pride #shame

Rafael Melendez Sep 2020

Day by Day

Each day I don't see you,
Is another day closer to the day I do.

#love

Rafael Melendez Sep 2020

Pretty Little Lie

Rationalizing someone lying to you, putting a bandaid on stitches. They come undone over time, and you just try cover it up.
They're lying because you would overreact, right?
Right?
They don't want you to get upset.
Right?
The pretty little lie, still sucker punches you in the gut.
It comes when you least expect it, when you cover it back up with all of the positive things you try to think about to make it disappear.
Here I am, before a shower, and the stitches have come undone once again.

Rafael Melendez Sep 2020

Nonexistence

I've began to wonder if I've asked too much from you, from the ones before you.
My family thinks I'm strong.
But I'm nothing without any of you. I have become nothing through all of you.
Nonexistence in the nooks and crannies of your hearts and souls.
I make you happy though, right?
And so, I leech off of your happiness.. therefore, I'm happy.
Still, the child in my dreams tells me I am undeserving of your love, I am undeserving of the love I've received in the past, I'm selfish, and I have no one to blame but myself for losing sight of who I am, and who I wanted to be when I was innocent.
You deserve something better than nonexistence, you deserve existence and everything that comes after.

But how can I do it?

How can I?

Can I do it..?

Please, God.. tell me I can.

#love #sadness #happiness #innocence

Rafael Melendez Sep 2020

God-Fearing

I'm afraid in your search for god I'll only make the distance grow.
My mind is open to yours, the gates have been flooded.
I want you to be happy,
though, I don't know if I'm what's best for you, or your lord.
I pray for your protection because I love you, not because I'm god fearing.
I haven't been afraid to die for a long time, becoming a tortured soul for all eternity, or becoming subjugated to your lord in heaven.
What I'm afraid of is not living a full life before I go.
I'm sorry if that's selfish.

If you're reading this, I'm sorry.

#god #fear #love #selfish