laughing at myself
silencing my grief
as the ashes of my death filled childhood are dispersed into the breeze
so i can breathe                           a     non-smoke filled sigh of relief
laughing at myself
as the morbidity slips away along with the anxiousness of a root chakra
disturbed in growth
whilst my worries of enough       are quelled with enough                      on my plate
and beautiful places to sleep
laughing at myself
visions of my dreams cast far into the future are coming back at me thru
the freed up space that still smells a little of pain
but is dotted by ethereal rainbows like the room of a tibetan monk after the Rainbow Body 'phenonmanah' has taken place
and
i am laughing at myself
in no forced manner
as the lightness fills my being
a bountiful glow

slowly
i laugh at myself

If only words could speak !

At 15 we were women
And at 12 we were sexualized, scrutinized , afraid , wary , shameful .

Plain Sight is the best place to hide something,
What do you stand for?

We are made from the creative ****** force,
So don’t tell me that I must be dressed up like a pig after slaughter to experience
Sexuality….
I’m made from an ******.
I’m an ******’s repercussions…
And I won’t be told any different
No matter how “scary” you make *** sound
I’m pure ENERGY WALKING.
I’m a cosmic bliss wave flowing….
What do you stand for?
At 15 we were women , but we didn’t know what it was to respect our wombs for the stargates they are.
At 12 we were sexualized , scrutinized , afraid , wary , shameful of the natural blooming of this  cosmic force, sneaking looks at naked ladies on the internet
but we didn’t know how to respect that shaking energy that called out
so we hid it  , underneath our pillows.
Plain sight is the best place to hide something , and right there on the cover of The Sun or Daily Star is the most powerful force for change on this planet.
A woman…
And her ****** power –
If a woman can create a child from her own energy systems in 9 months
Then what do you think that power could do to a project or idea
Over .. say 5 years…?
What you stand for is where you invest your attention.
But for now we march on –
Because there are forces mightier than any human being
And they move despite all our frantic pride and jealousy ,
hatred and pain
they move in our heartbeats and in that solar flare , or the pulsar star on the other side of the universe
they move in the spaces dark energy
they move
crescendos rising
majestic beyond any king or queen
holy like you’ve never been privy to
the forces that move in the wild flowers breath
power the changes on our planet .

Balance is coming
Will you be in balance?

Until I reached 18
I felt like a product of my mother , which …
I suppose is true, but I spoke more of her than of me ,
I spoke more of she than of me
I was ashamed of my lack of accomplishment so tried to make up for the wisdom and worries I though I should have ,
I’m not sure where this mindset came from
but I know where it’s going
and that is away from me

but even away is to come
so how can anything ever be gone away ?
that’s the quandary that is solved with the realization
that transmutation is the only way to truly defeat / displace / remove something  
the sending away of something will only cause it’s eventual return

so come with me , shadow
let me feed you the waters you need to move through this way
I already see the brightness
glow and glimmer in your core
as you scream please help me
help me !
let me be something not for these people!
I cry
Out loud
But only in my mind

The mouth makes the shape but the sounds don’t come near,
For fear
of the other’s ears
Please I beg to myself
Please help me .
Deaf to my own callousness
And blind to my own blood
I bleed on the kitchen floor along with my mother’s art piece , bleeding out her story so she can move on.
I’m no longer bound by anything but the tides of this mind
And the calling from the bottomless heart ,
Also things like gravity and forces like the earth turning.

Waking up this morning felt like i’d already done so much wrong , the taunting voice i haven’t heard for a while was back with jibes of ” not good enough”.Still, the day moved by and the sun blazed most of the time away.  So we spend a few hours napping and wake up thinking it’s the morning again. Soon after a movie lunch i’m anxious , heightened to a level where i scroll and scroll through social media screens until i pull myself away and meditate. This time i am aware . I sit facing the west , asking for release , feeling and not running . Acknowledging and sending love with conscious intent of “let go” to the moments, “let go” the people whom those moments are attached to. I feel it out , like being birthed. Like being birthed there is painful slowness where the depth and intricacy of the moment are safeguarded by sturdy patience , slow my soul to a standstill …. Of breath and closed eyes - frankincense smoke and angel guide so close to my ear breaths whisper fallacies away and when all is still , there - then , the tears and drooling mouth where i don’t care for the vampire stealing some poor soul elsewhere nor the motion of the sun’s axis. Breathing , stretching , balance. A timeless viewpoint arriving back in the frame.  When all is ready the tree calls out for a conversation . The bed is filled with a love , whom i eye with new lenses each day , checking to see if i am seeing an image i desire or the majestic view of a wild solitary flame in the middle suburb. But , there he is. Even clearer than before. Take one hole at a time he told me once about a golfer. Take each 24 hours at a time. I become honorary American. I eat 2 smores and 3 deer grace us with their ethereal presence as the luminescent flare of final sunshine dip dives to dusk’s quintessential hue of deep ocean blue. Grandma has a hungry monster inside her as i eat the watermelon grown with pesticides in a house full of things. Tarot cards are up to 35. It’s easier to wake up here early , it’s like the day slides like melted butter off pancakes.