My dying heart was never important  to you,
My careless words
Never sunk in.
My guilty thoughts almost busted at the seams,
How can I hide my face if you were never looking in the first place.


You can never move the pieces,
If you do not  understand the object of the game.
Nervous you clutch the wheel unable to drive
Sinking I am unable to stay afloat.

Breathless and broken down,
I give in
No longer afraid to disappoint you.

For you were never the one whom
I was suppose to show my art work to,
Just the fool in disguise.

So alone  in a world  
When the only thing that matters is
What other people want,
Drugs are  always considered  the top priority
And  having feelings
Will make you wind up
As crazy as they come.
When looking for
A friend is  too much of a  risk
And falling in  love
Is the biggest mistake of your lifetime.
Never trust anyone whom tells you  
To trust them and always  have a look out
Because you might get  caught
If you need a point of Black  
You call them back
And if you need a fix of white
Slip into the abyss
Your never  be free
If you decide
You need more than ****.

☆ Smooth and shiny round marbles seem to roll around in my brain .
Each one of them happen to be a piece to the puzzle.
Like  a million excuses for why
Not to deal with my situation,
Letting this  so -called Can of worms
Unleash it's self
Into the world.☆

Many things
I have too many things in my life
Too many reasons why
I have too many excuses
Too many thoughts
To many issues
Too many tissues
I have too sad things in life
Too many friends that
Come unglued
Too many nights
I stewed
Too many mistakes
Too many ******* things that
******* *****
But for **** sake
I'm glad that
You were all I needed
You were all I wanted and you were just right,
Not too much of you.

Where I go to be happy
Exists inside your heart and
Yes indeed it's a place I love, your love brings out all the extraordinary strengths we have together.
Your hands in mine 💋 my lips on yours
Our friendship has been through great struggles,
Even in a storm
My love for you grows with every moment of the day.
Everytime we snuggle up to go to sleep,
Your smiles will always be a way to my happiness as it grows.
Confiding in one another under the stars
You are here to help me be okay.

No matter how nerdy your jokes are, they still make me giggle until I almost *** myself. I cramp from laughing so hard I can't breathe!

There are only so many things a person can ask themselves before,
Coming to the conclusions of self-awareness and arriving into the car the called adulthood.

And honestly, the only thing I felt was a need
In dire of change.
Im in need of self-evaluation.


6yrs is not a long time. but to me, it was a century too long.
I was like why did it take so long to realize this.
To start the process of following through with the steps in the right direction to begin the new path towards becoming the person I wanted to be.

I am exactly who I should have been.
Exactly what I thought I should be!
IF I hadn't gone through all these Terrible struggles
I would never have gotten to the point of self-awareness and the nagging need to change who I had become.

I am extremely proud to say Im happy to be me and be alive to acknowledge the I not happy continuing down the same road, I have been traveling the past 6 years.
One mistake does not mean I have stayed an addict, Im gonna stand up and gave myself a hand
Truly thankful to my lord and savior!  If not for him who has molded me, shape me into the woman I am today. I've gone through some horrible things that no  woman should have to deal with but if it wasn't for those experiences;
I tell you now I probably would not be the woman I am today but the strength I have now and the heart I have and the morals and values have I would not be who I am if it wasn't for all that ******* I had to go through.

Have discovered who I want to be and I have started a path 2 make sure that I get to where I need to be so that I can be so secure and be happy in my own skin living my own independent life and no one can be expected to do this without self-awareness and the ability to want to change the life Experiences in the dramatic drastic. obstacles I have faced.
I went down a self- destructive path, my downward spiral doesn't have to be the end of my story nope.
Cuz that is just the end of that chapter and Im closing one door and looking for the options of what other desirable doors
Are in front of me.

That's an inspiring story,
Hope you're ready to watch because Im going in head first

I feel like a side burner ..
My heart was just instantly frozen and it has to stay in the deep cold freezer so not to shatter..

Scares Harry was a troll
He liked scares the kids.
When the lights went out at night
Scares Harry smiled in delight
Cuz he had so much fun
Wreeking havoc
Through the night.

He was overly skilled at the tasks of hand,
Running back into the village
Doing pranks as fast as he can
like **** in a bag 
Or starting fires
In the streets but most importantly he enjoyed yelling and screaming to wake the Little boys and girls just to hear them cry.
Cause scary harry had a dream to be a big bad beast.
But scary harry couldn't fathom why his dreams never come to be.
If They knew he was only 2 foot 3  as the terrible troll he would be no good at the things that troll we're known for
so he would quickly slip into the darkness before the light of day
So when the kids got to play they wouldn't laugh at him or be able to say
Pointing, staring and poking fun of him for being  2 foot 3 so scary Harry would stay in hidden in the darkness.

until  The kids went  go to bed.

Then scary Harry would come out play because
   waking the kids up just to  make them cry was his favorite game.
And that was the name of the game when you want to be big scary dreadful beast .

My heart is broken down
My mind is gone
My body is numb
These moments of sadness
Are killing me ... Been thinking too much and
My tears aren't falling anymore
Just red swollen N puffy eyes
I can't .. LIE sometimes I want to die
To end it so much
Going to sleep in the freezin cold ...
Seems like.. Life isn't important anymore

I am such a compulsive disaster, my foolish behavior is outrageous  considering my unstable rollercoaster ride I have allowed myself to endure.

My  lover and my partner in life as much as I'm undoubtedly love him with every bone in my body..we are a prime illustration on how we enable each other. As well as procrastinate or another way of saying it would be  
drag your feet
on extremely important decisions that shouldn't be put off .

Never mind that I'm not good enough.

Never been alive for real.

Thoughts in my head
Get twisted up.

Oh her she isn't here
A forgotten waste
Of flesh.

Never get to see
The joy in life.

Never to walk this Earth again,
Ghosts from her  past
Haunt each breath

Violence is all to common
Snakes can't resist the taste.

Such a evil place
She does go in her head
Good bye for now

I love you
  This soul is gone too far.

Always a day late or a dollar short

This rope is strong enough
For this death
Near me.

Tomorrow don't forget to wave, when you wake up and see my face.
Cuz the answers are never carved in stone

And my death
Is a art work for
The saddest part

Never being enough
I gave away my heart

People change
Lessons get learnt
Dodging bullets
Come second nature

Sweet love
How I need
Your love

Sweet love
how I crave
To
make you ***

Our sweet love
It makes
Me blush

Sweet love
I have so much fun

Sweet Love
Thank you for loving me

Sweet love
Your my everything

Sweet love
Is what we have
And no one can take it from us

Sweet love
Thats us

Joy is so good
To be whole again
No mistakes
Left not learned
As I look towards
The future
It looks good!

Show the skills
Precisely to your likely
******* as though
Its my only
True indulgent

Wicked lashes
Sinful lips
Satisfying
Him
My mission


I Kneel
Focusing
On drinking
That
Beautiful load

Swallowing my Daddy's
***
I look up and smile
Accomplishing
My goal
Such a talented tongue!

My ludicrous thoughts
Similar to past
Memories catch me off guard,
Pain causing me to break into a million microscopic pieces
Releasing my build up tears
Flooding all the time
Sorry
I'm not sure if I'm
Alright
Another day
Missing my daughters

Smiling on the outside
Crying on the inside
Everyday I smile
Pretend to be okay

All hurt I feel
All the tears I've spilled
Smiling to hide how I feel
Forget all mistakes
Much more then I can take
Inside my head I scream
I'm busting at the seams
Pushed to the extremes

Need to gain some self esteem
So I don't feel obscene