I have failed again
Doomed to live out my existence
In a shell of betrayal and self afflicted heartbreak
Knowing that I wasn't enough for you
Knowing that, despite my problems
Somewhere, two souls meet in infinite embrace
And the sword of jealousy pierces my knotted guts

Every time I hear your name my body shakes
This pain is no longer emotional
It strikes my core and shatters all I have built
My knees weaken and my chest tightens
My head hurts and my tears flow without asking
It happens randomly throughout the day
My collapses are uncontrollable

Stupid things remind me of you
Like bikes, and guitars, and cigarettes
And Law and Order and Friends and Eric Clapton
And pipes and aches and organic food
And kisses and touches and holding you
Mostly holding you with the reassurance of your voice
Saying I will never lose you

And I didn't

"Go to the pool."
"Ride your bike for once."
"Go to the gym with your friends."
"Play in the park."
"You can't eat **** like that and expect to not gain any weight."
"Get off your **** and stop being lazy."
"Why can't you be more active?"
"You're such a ******."

Why do you always pick on me? I try to do those things but when you leave a list of chores that take 6 hours, its not like I can do much. All while I'm babysitting your children. I just wish I could be the "skinny" daughter that you want. I'm comfortable in my body until you say these things. Then when I start to feel better, you knock me down again.

Should I stop eating all together and finally give you,

**Skinny?