And your father still reminds me
Of my own
I ask you to analyze my dreams
I am either anxious about everything
Or being reborn
(But maybe those two things are the same)
You sat there in the cool morning gray sky for 1440 days
So high above everyone
Even higher than yourself
Wanting to be on the ground
With everyone else
Men are dreadful
Women are dreadful

*And all I ever wanted to be was
With you

She hears whispers down the corridor
and laughter down the halls
She hears her heart breaking
because you never called

Another one night stand
Another drink
Another man

all for this crazy little thing called love

She dreams of genies in bottles
Her blood runs thin

Hopeless
Lost
and loveless

And there comes a time
when we all ask ourselves
why.

We're both just
*******
in Black syrup tar pits of
Sorrow

Still the devil's firey ****
Feels good inside
It burns like karosine
Smoke sets off to the skies

We're both just
Creatures stuck
in broken blue
seashells that lie in complete darkness at the bottom of the ocean

Still the siren's wet ****
Feels good inside
It drenches flames
Smoke sets off to the skies

Affection and affliction
Is the only chance
We have at

Freedom

And the way to get through life
Is to tell them all what they want to hear*

The sweet **** spews out
With rotting apple cores and snow pink freezerburned meats

Starving pigs eat it just the same

Like robots and drones they are drowning themselves

In ****

Mouthful after mouthful they swallow

And after their fat bellys over fill until they explode from gluttony

I will be rich

Space is the womb
Of an unknown mother
In which the universe is waiting to be born

I miss
The taste of his neck
And the
sound of his smile

The lightness inside his breath
The smell of his sweat
The way the sunlight shone
Through
his hair

I miss him more than
Anything would ever miss
Air

Six years gone
Six years waiting


He still doesn't care.

We all just want to know
when blood goes stale
and skin grows pale
where do we go?
Why do we cry at another loss of another life
when they are in a "better place"?
I just want to sink away into a oblivion of time and space
to deal with emotions no more
to deal with death no more
to deal with stress no more
to melt in two
I just wanna leap down the rabbit hole
Go away to a magical place
where sunlight sparkles with glamor
and white petaled flowers grow
Where there are no worries
only bliss
simple..bliss
and the place I call home

There is only flesh
and no fantasy
There is only leather
and no lace
There are only clouds
and no clear
There is only ****
and no fear

we lay in a bed of rosemary and thyme
for the seven days god took to create the world
Adam named all of the animals
while Eve ate the forbidden fruit
I chase serpents and tear rabbits with my teeth
all in the sake of sweet and dripping meat
oh sinners will sin
oh sinners will sin
and while the saints preach
I will achieve all of the passion
all of the unwanted children in my dreams

1.* Him

A love like
This one
Isn't true at all.
A love like
This one
Doesn't matter at all.
A love like
This one
Isn't really love.

It's her obession.

2. Her

A love like
This one
Is the still silent trees before a hurricane wakes them
And
The silence of sleep after

A love like
This one
Cannot conform to cursive
lettering in oil ink on dust yellow pages

A love like
This one
Is the whole show 1st 2nd and 3rd acts
Leading up to the sucide of everyone

A love like
This one
Isn't really love.

It's her imagination.*  


3. Omniscient

A love like
This one
Has no end.

A love like
This one
Is unrequited.

A love like
This one

Helps her create
Helps him create

A love like
This one
Is beautiful.

A love like
This one
Is real.

A love like
This one

*is meant to be

Letters conjoin to make
meaning
They fall into place
like humans fall in love

soemtmies not in the rihgt palce but sitll

has *meaning

I will runaway,
my love
until black falls like a shadow on the hills of dismay
and only in my mind shall your fingers caress the valleys of a soul
that is inevitably entwined in the majesty of your existence
I will run.
I will run and run from the haunting breath that is coming in warm and horse on the back of my neck.
I cannot stand this unbearable vulnerability.
I cannot stand the way your eyes are frigid yet so comforting as you control me with a mystic unknown .
you make me do everything you wish
such a deviant mind control trick.

I want to feel your skin graze mine
hot and lazy
in the summer afternoon
light and delicate

as if almost on accident
as if almost on purpose
as if almost in love

I want wet kisses that stain the curve
of my neck from the lingering presence of your lips
The breeze caressing and cooling the marks you've left behind
Trailing goosebumps up my spine

I want to feel your warm tacky fingers sticking to my thighs like you've just messily eaten something sweet
Moving like slow molasses
Melting me in the humid heat

I want to stay right there
with the summer sunlight trickling through the window blinds
With a dull sitcom on TV
The cued audience laughter
muted in my mind

Playing my faux innocence
in that dreadfully pleasurable
moment of yearning for you
forever

you said my soul is crystal
and yours is indigo
you said we were meant to be together
but that was quite sometime ago
only true love lasts
but that doesn't mean
that everything will be perfect
like how it ought to be
I pace back and forth
pondering why
because nothing really matters
except
father earth and mother sky
I can see Aura Borealis  
outside my window
and even though the air is frigid
and my feet are cold
things are the way they ought to be

Her madness is not beautiful
it makes her cold and unfamiliar
she isn't a real girl
and I doubt she'll ever be

She's a witch that uses glamor
it covers up her lack of empathy

She likes to play the victim and she likes to place the blame
She likes to judge others and uses them to seek her fame

She's a witch that uses glamor
am I the only one who can see?

She's cannibalistic a eater of souls and hearts
because she's heartless
although it doesn't seem


Her candy covered house lures you to that scene

and everyone knows what happened to Hansel and Gretel

So, why do you still believe?

I awoke changed

I could fly

But then
a small boy caught me
in his net of lies

Flakes of azure drifted to the floor as I deteriorated beneath his oily fingertips revealing the transparency that lay underneath
It made me weak
Then began the tears

And no longer could I fly
with these rips in my wings
And he left me there
To die dehydrated in the heat of the sun
Not close to shelter
Not close to anyone

But then
You found me

I don't know how

You took care of me
Gave me water
Built me a garden
Where I could crawl around

Like I used to when I was a child
And it's started to help with the pain
After awhile

And even though I can never fly again

I live azure
I love you
You saved me
You'll always be a friend

Put me in your mouth
Like one of those
Cigarettes you smoke
Light me up
Embers so hot so red
Breath me in
Like one of those
Cigarettes you smoke
My ashes fall to the ground
And you'll feel so good too
Embers so hot so red
I'm an addiction
Like one of those
cigarettes you smoke
It's all I'm good for
I know you want more
But you can't have any baby
So hot so red
You used me all up
Just like those
Cigarettes you smoke
And I'm so bad for you too
As I fill your lungs
Into your boiling blood
You're inside me
I'm inside you

Down by the ocean
there's a red brick tower and it sits
in the misty fog morning
isolated
and that's where I live
shining from the top
trying to guide you back home
just come back home
don't you know I'm so alone?
And I guess I should have known
from these games we play
Nothing would have lasted anyways
You never were the best sailor
Your ship is sinking, crashing into my shore
Can't you see I can't take this anymore?
Playing Battleship
I miss you score
Down by the ocean
the blue waves sing me a song
It plays and plays all night long
and I ask myself which one of us is wrong?
Take this pill the siren chants
and you won't care anymore
Living in an illusion
paralyzed by the truth
Nothing matters anyways
not the ocean
not the ship
not the tower
not me
not you

And the hardest part
is feeling as if you don't belong.
You write,
but, no one cares about your self expression.
You are not a tortured soul or a free spirit.
The only thing incredible about you,
is how incredibly ordinary you really are.
and you are.
You have no hopes, no talents, no dreams.
Only finding it increasingly difficult to find your place in this
elaborate scheme.
You think to yourself,
"Does everyone feel this way?, or is it just me?"
Constantly counting down the days until you can
just simply
*be

Is like seeing color for the first time in a grey world
It's like fueling the hot ember city that turns the log towards entropy
The pleasant and gentle disarray that all matter longs to be
It's like hearing the grandiose ocean waves, a whole biosphere, packed inside the small space of a seashell
It's like thick warm milk
It's like soft rich green grass
that was made for picnics in the hot sun
It's like rain on a july summer night the kind of rain you can lay in and never feel cold
It's the purr of a cat
And the way silver necklace chains feel as the cold metal sinks into your skin
It's the smell of wisdom in old books and home in fresh baked bread
It's the safety and protection of a hand hold
It's an indescribable pureness


It's Bliss

When the cold comes
When the lights go out
When promises are broken
When tears fall
Broken glass
Plastered walls
Eggshell
Tawny
Gray
Misery will never fail anyone at all

My feelings are words never written.
My thoughts are alive, never dead.
Yet, here lies a naked barren page before my fingertips
The way I would imagine I would lay within your bed.
The ways you taunt me and,
all I get is an embarrass red.
It continues to deepen and deepen,
to think of all the foolish things I've
said.

Even when the sun is shining

The sky
is
         still

                                      *Blue

And that's when little
Alice in wonderland

Realized
That life's just a cruel joke
One cooked up by
60s social experiments

The mind transcendence
Does no good
When you're stuck in a bone cage
Laughing madly in the walls
Because you realized
They never loved you
At last

Everyone sees
through transparency feelings
Except Alice

Set those walls on fire
Flame to Ashes

We were both writers in a way
Both clever
Both artists and madmen
Disconnected from reality
Lost in translation
Bent with broken backs
From carrying the weight of humanity's misunderstandings

Yet somehow
We found our eyes for each other

I could finally see

That my capability for love was not broken
You were just looking for me

She's a musician
So you say "we're meant to be"

Too bad you never believed in me enough that I could sing.

I remained a partial muse
I filled your life with denial and regret and sorrow

As you filled mine with pain and torture and agony

Addicted to your small pay

It wasn't enough
And I kept coming back for more

You'd only give enough for me to stay

While I gave you everything.

And your girl she won't believe me
For all the things you say
Like I'm delusional and crazy
Invalidating every single feeling I've ever had
You'll both forget about me and be happy and in love

Whilst I rot away.

Maybe to disassociate
Is the only way
"Like maybe that's alright
Maybe it's okay"

But
Then it all hits you at once
Speeding bullet subway train

Your body has been void for years
Your organs have already melted, rotted, and withered
away

And when that happens
There's no going back

You wake up in the morning
Every morning
and
Instead of brusing your teeth
You look in the mirror and ask yourself

Who the **** am I?

And your brain goes empty

So.
utterly.
*******.
bleak.

Like a *****
I'll take it all
Down my throat
Gasp for air and
Choke

The birds start to sing
The sun starts to rise
Everything starts to feel hollow

I wait for my candy house to melt
The ceiling drips and
The walls are getting thinner
I can taste them on my lips

I bathe in remembrance

Then the sugar starts to boil
B u r n i n g
It hardens on my skin

1.
Everyone wants more of them  
So, their cells (and soul) begin to multiply
Once the death sets in
They are free
These are the ones that never survive
And suddenly everything they have ever created
Means more

2.
If I could write like I am dying
I could write like I am free
But this is a lie
And nothing will suddenly
Mean more

Pouring cream into coffee
Pacific white swirls melt into
Placid steady dark brown
Pivotally changing to something new
Placed to balance
Polarization conjoined bitterness to sweetness and cold to hot
Propagated our warm delight
Portions now inseparable; never going back
Picture
Perfect

Come full circle
Turn back time
Everyone knows everything dies
But is it the end or the beginning?
The earth tells me it's the middle
But through trees and people
No one knows
Life gives us questions
death give us peace
Return to nothingness
Come full circle

And I stood there,
with the Junebugs at my feet.
Squashed, smashed, and stepped on.
Broken with defeat.
It looks like a battle scene,
with no one slowly picking them up to bury the dead
and care,
for the wounded.

Not a memorial will be placed

Just run over them.
Their bodies being decimated.

WE are as insignificant
as these creatures seem to us
we are to the UNIVERSE

Sad boys write the best poetry
an enticing insignificance
(I'll leave you)
To wither
and to rot
to love
to not
to call yourself a *******
unworthy and abhorrent

You only send letters to save yourself
50 cent postage stamp
and I'll send back
75 cent cherry red lipstick

It's all I can offer

(The worst part
is I do not evoke any emotion
at all)

I am unworthy
I am sick dying
Dead

So I'll write you a poem about what you ate
I can't promise it'll be long
Or promise it will be great
You love your body
And you put into it lentils, rice, tomatoes, corn, and beans
Tonight you'll be feeling it
Whatever that means

I am nothing
I want nothing

I do nothing
I do not even breath
I do not feel cold or hungry or hot
I love and hate nothing

Only the things that I know I am supposed to

The world rotates on without me
And I am stuck spinning
Like a top in a dream or a movie
Round and round and round

I do everything
For everyone
I am still empty

Spinning spinning spinning

I am nothing

She licked her cigarettes
with lips rubbed red from
too much loving
charcoal eyes were lit on fire
and the ashes fell back to the ground
mixed in the offspring of
erosion
lost in the ****
A soul turned to nothing
but she became

*free.

A single drop of water
can contain thousands of microorganism.
Looking beyond the surface
to find
we have left our eyes behind.
Yet, we still believe everything ever proven to be true
Just as the Earth sits
a single drop of water,
falling from the sky into deep cerulean blue.

A little girl
Has lost her words
Or rather the will
There is no hope
So take it down
Swallow it whole
Dry horse crumbles
white blank pill

Time to move on
Little girl stuck in the sticky black tar
Soon you'll be bones
And then they will use you
For petroleum and gasoline
Set your tresses on fire

There's no desire
No she does not want to go
She wants a new life
Polluting the world
And helping you get around

Whoever she loves
Please
Help her out and
Never set her down

Take care of me
Coddle me
Tell me I'm yours
If I told you "I'm broken"
I'd be fishing for compliments
On empty shores

The human race is amateur
No one reaches godliness or
Perfection
There is only a soul searching
For answers in an answerless world

empty glass vases

Their only purpose is to be filled with floral waters
But there are chips and cracks in them all
And even the most fathomless bouquet arrangements
Carnations, daffodils, baby's breath, poppies, sunflowers,
roses


All die.

God is dead
as are all the minions
scouring away at every single
dollar
every single catch
not a church
will sing
redemption will not ring
and there will not be a refresh button
on this page
only critiques on how this poem ought to
be

Our bodies collide like constellations
a milky taste and a muddy sensation
Breathing and beating,
we move like oceans
into an eternity of something with meaning
; life that exists beyond the natural world.

I have lost myself to
A man with no name

I found him while
Searching the stars
The sun and moon

I could never get enough of him

The longer he grows
The shorter he gets

He is infinitely invincible
In a never-ending loop
No one and nothing can
Stop him

Every time I fall asleep
In laggard or lament
He drinks deep rusty burbon
Until wasted

He doesn't wait around for anyone
Yet he is always there, like an
Omniscient god

He is in his own dimension
One you cannot sense
(Yet you preceive)

He is a healer
He is father of all

In all times

Springtime, wintertime
Summertime, fall

The stars and palms
hold all the secrets of the world

And I'll never let go
chasing the cat down the back ally
sun shines slumping
into
my baked brown skin
It smells like old summer rain

and laughter

One day it'll be gone
and I do not need
the stars
the palms
or Mrs.Sally's water well

to tell me

the sweet sent of honeysuckle lingers down
the back ally
baking in the summer sun
kids giggle on bikes
with training wheels
and sparkly pink tassels
taste the big pale moon
taste the stars
under a milky twilight
under the sleepy willow tree
this is where he stole
my heart

A million souls
Are trapped inside a body
Each a shred of your own personality
Making up the person that is you
A tormented hell,
But God lives there too

blood speckles my hands
like the poppy seeds on your morning bagel
shaking at a crime scene bedecked with plastic yellow tape
but only noticing my hands
dried crimson
and how the light flakes of my silk flesh delicately rise to
the surface like oil in a vast cerulean ocean
no spirit can drown the sorrows of my sins

still
you come at me with your pepper sunlight
you and your dandelion ways
a comedic smile
strawberry jam heart preserves

a hand holds many things
except a fighting chance


and
some way
some day      
some how



I'll be average at best