Just another raindrop in the rain
Just another person
lifeless and plain.
Just another drag to take me away.
Just another patient awaiting cancer and pain.
Just another weight to bare
Just another "I don't care"...
Just another wasted life

I can't tell you what it is
Impatiently waiting for the floor to fall from under my feet
constantly worry
about incomplete
can't compete
everything is


obsolete.

Just another raindrop in the rain
it trickles down the window pane

She has a housewife heart
Baking warm chocolate chip cookies
For every single person (including the cat)
So no one felt left out

She mixed and mixed
With that big wooden spoon
Not one single person
Got to lick it
with their fat strawberry tongues
And no one felt left out

She's obsessed
And is baking for
The children she has yet to have
And the husband she has yet to love
And the coworkers at the stable job she hasn't yet gotten the degree for

But she needs them all
So she doesn't feel left out

To the wicked widow that ***** the life out of her mate
To the tiny little fellow that crawls through my window and greets me with a goodnight kiss
To the brown girl with long legs that's sitting in my driveway
To the acrobats and the practical jokers
To the boy I saw at midnight looking for food in my kitchen
To the beautiful yellow girl who I used to see hovering over my swing set when I was a child
To the fast runners, the trappers, and the waiters
To the dangerous, and the harmless
To all the tricksters in the world

*I ******* hate you.

Endlessly lethargic
The power of sleep is great with me
A laggard sloth never wakes
never moves
but dreams with much creativity
slow moving somber slumber
How much I can sleep
drifting with ease into coma
how much easier it is with belly full
Falling into that dream assembly
drifting dragging drowning
Better than anyone I can promise
Can stay in bed for a whole week
How wonderful how simple
it is for me to sleep

The stars and palms
hold all the secrets of the world

And I'll never let go
chasing the cat down the back ally
sun shines slumping
into
my baked brown skin
It smells like old summer rain

and laughter

One day it'll be gone
and I do not need
the stars
the palms
or Mrs.Sally's water well

to tell me

I'm a writer writing about a writer who writes about
stories told at cocktail parties
and spirits in the hotel
a beautiful woman
an innocent child
lust, love, out of luck
the death of a venerated character
stories much more popular than my own
I'm a writer writing about a writer who
is an alcoholic
who has a beautiful woman
and an innocent child
and a knack for neglect

She is my oldest friend
With eyes like windows
To her soul
And a heart like thick white paste glue

Sticking to anyone who dares to touch it

(The young kindergarten boys who ate it
Because it smelled good and **** it back out again
And that one girl with a polka dot face
Always got it in her hair)

She is my dearest friend
Tired and weary
From holding up the earth
On her turtle shell back
She takes small planned breaks from the world
In 5 minute intervals
And pretends they are vacation

Everyone tells her she's worth more
her eyes say she feels alone
I try to tell her she's not alone as well

But of course I am talking to
myself

And that's when little
Alice in wonderland

Realized
That life's just a cruel joke
One cooked up by
60s social experiments

The mind transcendence
Does no good
When you're stuck in a bone cage
Laughing madly in the walls
Because you realized
They never loved you
At last

Everyone sees
through transparency feelings
Except Alice

Set those walls on fire
Flame to Ashes

And I stood there,
with the Junebugs at my feet.
Squashed, smashed, and stepped on.
Broken with defeat.
It looks like a battle scene,
with no one slowly picking them up to bury the dead
and care,
for the wounded.

Not a memorial will be placed

Just run over them.
Their bodies being decimated.

WE are as insignificant
as these creatures seem to us
we are to the UNIVERSE

My feelings are words never written.
My thoughts are alive, never dead.
Yet, here lies a naked barren page before my fingertips
The way I would imagine I would lay within your bed.
The ways you taunt me and,
all I get is an embarrass red.
It continues to deepen and deepen,
to think of all the foolish things I've
said.

Sometimes I can feel the blood boiling under my skin
Sometimes I can feel the slight snark of a grin you give me
Sometimes I can feel the Earth breathe and move and melt away
Sometimes I can feel like I know exactly what to say
Sometimes I can feel like I wanna dance in the street in the pouring rain
Sometimes I can feel like I wanna scream out my lungs until my throat is red with pain

and sometimes, sometimes I feel nothing and empty
and like this world is unreal

sometimes...only sometimes...


I feel.

Sad boys write the best poetry
an enticing insignificance
(I'll leave you)
To wither
and to rot
to love
to not
to call yourself a *******
unworthy and abhorrent

You only send letters to save yourself
50 cent postage stamp
and I'll send back
75 cent cherry red lipstick

It's all I can offer

(The worst part
is I do not evoke any emotion
at all)

I am unworthy
I am sick dying
Dead

I want to feel your skin graze mine
hot and lazy
in the summer afternoon
light and delicate

as if almost on accident
as if almost on purpose
as if almost in love

I want wet kisses that stain the curve
of my neck from the lingering presence of your lips
The breeze caressing and cooling the marks you've left behind
Trailing goosebumps up my spine

I want to feel your warm tacky fingers sticking to my thighs like you've just messily eaten something sweet
Moving like slow molasses
Melting me in the humid heat

I want to stay right there
with the summer sunlight trickling through the window blinds
With a dull sitcom on TV
The cued audience laughter
muted in my mind

Playing my faux innocence
in that dreadfully pleasurable
moment of yearning for you
forever

Storms of change
Are on the horizon
In the grey mists of air
Rain droplets condense
And condense and condense
Until one by one
They fall
Lamented and flying from the ******* of clouds
Into the ionized air

Free at last

To flow
From roads, hills, and mountains
Down to rivers, lakes, and oceans
Deep into the soil giving life
All possibilities

*much deeper

the sweet sent of honeysuckle lingers down
the back ally
baking in the summer sun
kids giggle on bikes
with training wheels
and sparkly pink tassels
taste the big pale moon
taste the stars
under a milky twilight
under the sleepy willow tree
this is where he stole
my heart

Letters conjoin to make
meaning
They fall into place
like humans fall in love

soemtmies not in the rihgt palce but sitll

has *meaning

I do not know what to write
I have not for days or months or years
Or since I was born
Because
Some people wish to be free
I do not

I am afraid

I look in the mirror and I freeze
Captivated by my flaws
My ego sneers
"You're not good enough"
"You'll never be good enough"
"No talent no job no lover no family no meaning no purpose no life"

"No wonder why everyone leaves you"

And for a second
My sadness makes me feel real
And
Relatable
Because I am not an
extraordinary beautiful crestfallen angel


I am just a girl who writes ****** poems at 3:30 AM



But still it's the
mild differences
that make me feel
so alone

There's nothing to write anymore
No great wisdom to be found
Everything has been said
Happy or sad
Alive or dead

The philosophers', poets', and politicians'
Words live on till the earth's end

And my name will drift then drown in silence on
A whisper
On one last breath

You are the fish in the sea
But
I am a bird.
And a pigeon at that.
Not even a gull.
But
The gull will probably gut you.
I mean eventually,
will.

you said my soul is crystal
and yours is indigo
you said we were meant to be together
but that was quite sometime ago
only true love lasts
but that doesn't mean
that everything will be perfect
like how it ought to be
I pace back and forth
pondering why
because nothing really matters
except
father earth and mother sky
I can see Aura Borealis  
outside my window
and even though the air is frigid
and my feet are cold
things are the way they ought to be

If Earth could speak
Would it believe
The relationship with the human race is
Parasitism

If Earth could speak
Would it say
It is suffering
Dying

If Earth could speak
Would it ask
For help

Are humans a burden to the Earth
Or is the Earth a burden to humans

Destruction is needed for creation
Or is there something much bigger at play?

Bigger than sea, space, and partnerships

The earth speaks
The universe speaks


Human consciousness


Be kind to Earth
But never undermine existence

A single drop of water
can contain thousands of microorganism.
Looking beyond the surface
to find
we have left our eyes behind.
Yet, we still believe everything ever proven to be true
Just as the Earth sits
a single drop of water,
falling from the sky into deep cerulean blue.

my little blue boy
In the cardstock full moon
Don't you know you always go away too soon?
It's like looking through glasses too strong of a prescription
The lines are all hung up tangled and torn
Mismatched worn
right down to the umbilical cord
From a dusk morning
To a dawn night
Ugly ducklings not too ready for flight
And I'm singing a song to you
(Not that you can hear it
But I'm singing)

He asked me if I was smiling*

all I can think to say
because these words
right here
right now
are inconsequential
trivial
insignificant

....yet perfect...

****** vain eye
like a crimson sunset sky
and I'm so ordinary
just like all of you
madmen and doctors
both put comfort
in that their pain is
unique
no one could understand
this stereotypical
cold cold winter
hypothermia raindrops
all is empty howling wind
only crestfallen souls
shells of bodies
roam

I am nothing
I want nothing

I do nothing
I do not even breath
I do not feel cold or hungry or hot
I love and hate nothing

Only the things that I know I am supposed to

The world rotates on without me
And I am stuck spinning
Like a top in a dream or a movie
Round and round and round

I do everything
For everyone
I am still empty

Spinning spinning spinning

I am nothing

I have lost myself to
A man with no name

I found him while
Searching the stars
The sun and moon

I could never get enough of him

The longer he grows
The shorter he gets

He is infinitely invincible
In a never-ending loop
No one and nothing can
Stop him

Every time I fall asleep
In laggard or lament
He drinks deep rusty burbon
Until wasted

He doesn't wait around for anyone
Yet he is always there, like an
Omniscient god

He is in his own dimension
One you cannot sense
(Yet you preceive)

He is a healer
He is father of all

In all times

Springtime, wintertime
Summertime, fall

You're just a rat in the drain
guilty with no pain
If they're against you
they're insane
Riot and riot away
because the truth behind the puppet show
is not so hard to see
The truth behind the puppet show is the puppeteer is
me
cold ****** killers and reality TV

oh the sick rejection won't go away
there you are in the back of my mind
every single day
it's been 3 years
we both have moved on
but still there is pain
in my stomach
it aches
it's not the butterflies
or the simple bug
it's the pain of loosing you
loosing what I love
we talk and flirt
but you'll never be mine
only a boy who makes a tortured soul out of me
only a boy who makes me cry

My body is a vessel for my soul
My body grows withered and old
Deep down in the darkness all there is, ...is cold
And I don't know what it means
I don't try to pry at the seams
But sometimes, sometimes my mind runs away
into the abyss of ashes gray
I just want to know
I just want to know
Why the twilight sky looks so resplendent
Filled with fathomless purples and blues
And why GOD why.. why does it make me think of you?

I am an inspiration.

I sing to the birds
I sing to the cat
I pray to the god and goddess
I cleanse my spirit with smoke
I talk to the trees
I talk to the sky

If you could only see me this way

In the cool gentle morning
The birds sing back
The cat purrs warm
The trees wave hello

And the sky

The sky shines.*

The god and goddess are here with
Me
And
My spirit is cleansed with smoke

There is enough love to go around for
Me*



Your love is a joke.

I am not sure if it is
Fools who attract other fools
Or dresses that are a bit too tight
Soft dainty fabric presses against sunkissed summer skin
almost to reveal the soul
Hoping anyone will see
Like old men who stop to stare at bright garden daisies that are
Dying in the mists of milk cloudy grey

oh sweet memories
on the concrete
of a broken dream  
stare into me like a crystal ball
I see no future
nothing at all
there is only your satin flesh
that burns red embers with every simple caress
speak to me only with your eyes
words mean nothing
the words are all lies
not a thing can contain this passion inside
yearning for a delicate touch that makes me sigh
longing for you like the moon longs for the sun
waiting alone
in the pitch night sky

Some
Bleed blue
a bitter cold
river that drifts along ever slowly
Ever peaceful
Filled with thousands of perfect downy pebbles
each the exact shape and size
as the last
it trickles down all of the hills and mountains
to lower ground

Iced and frigid
It comes from the heart
to the vein and artery
to the lung
around the stomach and intestines
up the spine
down the spine

to the wound.

liquid light
comes creeping down the hall
tonight is the night
I am gone
drifting into another world
is this really real
or is it all a dream
what is reality but a perception of the mind
anything I believe could be real
what is life but made up stories from our kind

Your favorite color is green
But my eyes will always be brown

When the cold comes
When the lights go out
When promises are broken
When tears fall
Broken glass
Plastered walls
Eggshell
Tawny
Gray
Misery will never fail anyone at all

Raw pure cane sugar
And sand to stir

In your morning drink

Because life's too short
Not to be sweet

We'll walk down to the ocean

Shore, salt, shine, and ****
Seagulls and shellfish

laugh at a joke I can't seem

to

*understand

I'm just an addict
Overdramatic
Shooting up with melancholy

And I'm hopeless
Because I'm a romantic
Which is no way to be
I can't seem to find my feet
Or take a seat
Droning on and on
For a lost cause

with all the freedom you're entitled to
But I'd never take that away
So what's the reason why I stay
Your slave in my own self-made chains

Finding self esteem
Finding purpose in your every need

Because you are suicidal
In denial
And shooting up with melancholy

And the hardest part
is feeling as if you don't belong.
You write,
but, no one cares about your self expression.
You are not a tortured soul or a free spirit.
The only thing incredible about you,
is how incredibly ordinary you really are.
and you are.
You have no hopes, no talents, no dreams.
Only finding it increasingly difficult to find your place in this
elaborate scheme.
You think to yourself,
"Does everyone feel this way?, or is it just me?"
Constantly counting down the days until you can
just simply
*be

I've got too many things in my pockets
a broken hourglass, a fallen star, a pinch of jealousy,
and the keys to
your car.
When I think about the future, it all seems too far...
so here I keep my heart, in my pocket,
in a Tupperwear jar.
Sometimes I feel like crying
tears...they ruin my face with the streaks of blackened lament
and I drown myself in *****
at the bar.

Every night
It's 3 am
Dead hour
The heals are awake
The heals are alive
A body without a soul
Is a corpse of course
Lifeless limbs
Still walk
In the dead hour
Some say they're gone
I say just broken
Hickery tickery tock
Hourglass breaks
There goes the clock
Birds chime away in the heads of the insane
They are searching for something
In the nothingness of black
Staring at the ceiling
Does the ceiling stare back?
They think about outer space and stars
Insomnia and insomniacs
And healers and mystics
of all kinds
But there is no light to be seen
and every night
It's 3 am
The dead hour

A worker bee without a queen
Born to serve
Not to lead
With no one to obey
What purpose does he have?
Patiently waiting for someone to walk by
Counting each buzz the seconds fly
A waste of space
A waste of time


And all he has to do is sting.

I am laying down
The rusty red bricks
And
The dark wet heavy grey cement
In an almost robotic method
Cold and simple
Mechanic
To build the wall that will go in-between us

You can huff and puff
But you're never ever going to break me down

You are pathetic
You are unworthy
You are rotting away on the other side
You are already a corpse
Dying
From the uranium in your bones

I will create a quarantine of the heart
And why wouldn't you want me to?

You're the one who told me so.

we lay in a bed of rosemary and thyme
for the seven days god took to create the world
Adam named all of the animals
while Eve ate the forbidden fruit
I chase serpents and tear rabbits with my teeth
all in the sake of sweet and dripping meat
oh sinners will sin
oh sinners will sin
and while the saints preach
I will achieve all of the passion
all of the unwanted children in my dreams

Please don't throw me away
Even though I'm broken beyond repair
I just want to be with you
Even though I'm scared
Please don't throw me away
Because there's only so much
I can take
And these pills don't swallow

I know that I am trash
And I never will be great
I'm subpar
A mediocre girl to be forgotten
In a melancholy world full of hate

I know that I am garbage
Everything I do is wrong
Little things- they overwhelm me
Even as I write this song
And creatively it's better to be low
These landfills fill
But nothing else

I know I am useless
As I sit here writing these words
I know they're not going anywhere
Because I'm not going anywhere
But still I write

I know I am ****
As the crumbled up pieces of my heart surround me
The ink smudging from my tears
I realize they're worthless
Scraps no one will ever see

But I still won't throw them away

In today's society
You need one of three things
For success

Money
              A high IQ
                                  American Beauty

Those who have all three -

Are GODS.






...
(The artists are left to die)