Monday Night..
After work and dinner
After providing space for big emotions (yours, your sisters and my own)
After working through the mess in my head,
Laundry,
Laundry needs to be done
But you are sleepy and need me to sleep

It's hard for me to be still, to not accomplish the tasks constantly laid out in front of me

but you need me to sleep


So I'll let the laundry sit, forgo the upteenth time I've walked through the house putting **** away today..

You need me to sleep, So I'll sit with you.

I feel like a ghost
Like I’m here but in there, somewhere, hiding
I paint an ugly picture of me all the time that i try to keep clean
But after your truth yesterday,
there is no organizing..
It’s black, moldy.
It’s hideous and unkind,
It’s damaged goods thrown out,
It’s sadness and longing,
disappointment and let downs,
Its lack of security and grounding,
It’s eat or get eaten, it’s alone.

Fragile I guess is an understatement
But I’ve been the one to break you so many times…
I can’t seem to feel your love, I think it missed me as I was trying to clean, organize, survive
- my ****

The hurt, hurt
Our relationship is testimony to that
We should of walked away, so many times, so long ago..
but we’re here still.. crying
Maybe then you’d be a better you, a more whole you with out the added on hurt I’ve caused.

The weight of our past is crushing me
The weight of my actions are hard to look at
The weight of the hypocrisy is real

I keep on trying to clear things out
To reset the foundation beneath
After so many failed attempts,
I don’t think I know how to do that.
Everything thing I seem to use isn’t holding.

I’m scrambling for healing so I don’t lose you, lose us, lose me to this hole.

That’s really me, the damage I’ve done, who I am. What Ive been, a mean, unkind, self centered *****.

I guess I do own a glass house.
Well idk about own, it’s all Ive known.

But these boulders I’ve claimed are here for safe keeping and when I throw them, they take a lot out, but i fear that if I keep that up one day I’ll be homeless.

Cause I’m just a sad girl, in a glass house, who’s learned the art of war..


and unfortunately for you, you love me.

It’s been a tiresome week
Filled with tears and hard talks
But there was progress

It’s been a tiresome week
Filled with lies unveiled
But there was progress

It’s been a tiresome week
With souls laid bare
But there was progress, well at least I thought


It was a tiresome day
Filled with betrayal and more deceit


It erased the progress

It’s said there is a hole inside
and although that maybe true
I feel as though I’m asking to much,  
yet, I really doubt that is true.

Yes there is a hole inside,
I’m patching it up - day by day
But on those days when I’m insecure
I need to be coddled,
then made aware

This hole, yes it lives inside of me
I am not doubting that it’s there
It’s just that it makes your love , Something I wish not to share.