so many ****** poems

if these words are as bored as I feel then I may as well
just set them on fire.

horrendous - read a cook or cookbook. 2 cups of sugars per serving of steak,
we walk along corridors of blood and sewage,
and we pray
to gods that wish for our demise.
laugh if you want
it's a little funny

Do t forget to smash that subscribe button nigeers

I think when I say stuff like ''

YEAH WELL
I WORK EVERYDAY,

'CAUSE I'M NOT AN ENTITLED
LITTLE *****--

I DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO!''

it's because
deep down,

I hate my life
so much--
and I'm not fooling anyone.


I thought I at one time was special and could circumvent the pain,


but I've just become a
broken down
wheel
like the rest in the junkyard.

the fight is

leaving me

Barking down the alleyway
Thevcool dawn touches me
Smokestack lighting makes it way around


Head in a cannon
Their eyes are satin
Barking orders like Patton   -  bayonetted and ****** on a sandy hill,
the ******
like a sweet hand
   in the grass. lemons and such

birth


pulled out of the dark hole

and am now in another dark hole, but
much less comfortable

personal
like a dog rolling in ****,
like a clown
******* in a car in the middle of New York.
like a bug digesting fruit after a heatwave
like a child pecking the eyes out of a zebra carcass
like
a womb
producing 6 stillborn
babies,
like a drink
with too much sugar,
like a movie
with too much dialog,
like a poem with too many words, like a song with too much melody,
like a dance
with too much swing
,
like a laugh with too much bellowing,
like sobbing with too much sadness,
like a  god with too much
compassion,
like a man
with too much time, like an orphan with too much love,  like a broken record
with too many
revolutions.

I want to feel your neck. I want to see your blue eyes glistening in the night
air.
I want to feel real.
I want to be the perfect being.   like the flowing river, as it cuts through the canyon.
We will be
  there singing, and it will echo for years to come.  uncompromised beauty. let me
dream

dirt in my eyes, black in my lung, tar in my soul, **** in my heart,
**** in my brain,
**** in my mouth,
**** in my hands.

You talk to me a little
''how are you baby?"
" I don't know
I feel like someone is cutting through my neck with a rusty
spatula.it ******* *****''

''well I'm sorry to hear that''
''you're always sorry,
when are you ever going to be sincere?"

she rubs her arm
"it's not my fault you're always miserable"

I look at the light,
I agree, and there's no real responding to it.
"well ******* then"

the door slams and she leaves.   I throw a brick at the wall and make a huge hole for the spiders to climb in.
I awake with bites all over me,
the lantern swings in the wind. wizard of oz is on. Why is it on? it's so old.

she comes back

"I forgot my shoes"

she picks them up and proceeds to look at me, while a tear rolls down her cheek.

"like I said, I'm sorry"

the door closes, and a rush of cool air blows in, and my hair stands still, and the arm produces prickly bumps.

I don't want to be here any longer.
I don't want to watch this movie.
I walk outside.

I walk 13 miles and get to a bus stop. I give him my $5 and get on. I sit down, and 13 hours later, I'm somewhere else.  I'm somewhere else, foreign,
new,
scary,
devastating,
but still the chill persists.   let me run. please. let me escape. let me go

There are so many potentially great poems,

but the problem is they try to formalize their
pain,

as though a cancer patient upon receiving radiation,
or some car
crash victim
having a hose stuffed up his ***
and having his left foot ampuated is going to
to be formal.

sure there is dignity and composure,
but not formality,
and certainly not nicety.


you're vulnerable,
you're hurt-

let yourself scream,

let yourself out.

2 + 2
= 5

But it's a matter of opinion.




Who's to say how dark is the night
When it's merely a shade

There is no Reason

My brother od'd
Poured some ice water on him and slapped the **** out of him
& administered narcan
He awoke after a 2nd  dousing of ice water
He then cursed me
And told me to ******* despite being a blue corpse a mere minute ago
But at this point I don't care about the outcome
The first time is scary
The 2nd time is alarming
The 3rd time is annoying
The last time is indifference

I don't have much say here

I hope future undisturbed, beautiful generations with their rich communal bonds and time- honored traditions and ceremony and purpose  may look back and only scarcely begin to imagine how perverted and degenerated everything got before it was too late,
But it had to happen, and Im glad it will all have  been a bad dream

authentication required, zeep zoop
2+ 4 @

Ilovesluts.com, foward slash parenthesis,
email is as follows
ranger1@straight
gangster . com
windows 95 booting up in the dungeon whilst chomping on a yellow Macintosh,
dust of the centuries of wistful electricity. it's zap around the air and sooner or later it comes by mail. your perfume and kisses like my favorite
newsletter
subscription, I like, and hearts it and keep you in my file
drive for
rainy days .
give my channel
a thumbs up. I need another
memory stick

Feel free

Feel the tingly sensation in my abdomen
I feel the nauseaus spirit envelop my carapace

I see the old one walking along the deep divide

I feel free
And everything is stale
Depleted dopamine
Latching onto routine, burning it down with spontaneity
I like living, I really do, but only when it's without
restraint
Always remember that you're gonna die, and fairly soon too
Freedom isn't free

my eyes are heavy

and crusted.

and this coffee
is cold.

she woke me up to too early.

screaming in my ear
and telling me to get a job.

then I just ate potatoes,---

kind of greasy.
no ketchup.

but it's morning,

and i'm smiling.

what a surprise.

''the leaves are green and beautiful.

and there's no snow. and there's birds out here.
like a Disney movie''.

just like a Disney movie.

what has happened to me....
!

Blossomed trees gently swaying
Rivers slowly dancing
Footprints slowly drying in the winter gloom
Centipedes curling with the heat
Hearts beating with the shadowed leaves
Eyes closing with omnipotent death
Your hands clasped in your lap
The last thing you wrote was
"anew"
The last breath you drew was today

outside a car is rolling by and they're throwing big blocks of wood

that sometimes other cars run over

and it splinters

and hits pedestrians and i hear

yelling and cursing

and babies shouting
as the ambulance arrives


and performs the heimlich-


and a hellicopter in the distance is swallowed by angry clouds.


any way-

i haven't been to the grocery store in 2 months-

but i buy plenty of energy drinks at the rite aid and sometimes nougat bars and various
fruits and grains.

i walk out of there
and a woman kind of leers at me, and her dog is lunging at me and i grip my knife--

but it was my fault
because i'm ugly apparently.

then the rain comes,

and i'm stuck for 6 hours swinging my head around and looking into an eclipse

and the *******

all ride ponies while the apocalyse looms ever nearer and


the doomsday horsemen behead a man in istanbul.


the bag of coins
is shiny like fresh tin foil

in a box of mints

Go away i don't want to work I don't want to wake up
I dont want to brush my teeth, shower, comb my head, climb into a car and drive for an hour.
I dont want to talk, I don't want to smile, I dont care that you broke up with your girl, I don't care that you're dying, we're all dying.
I don't want coffee, I don't want ciggarettes, I dont want alcohol, I dont want acid, I don't want head in a bathroom stall, I don't want a sandwich nor a massage,
I dont want sunlight, or sound, or
Love, or hate,
Or compromise or
Sorrow, or ridicule or saturation of my soul.

I want you to stop changing me

I don't know where my mind went. At the bus stop at 5am picking up trash and looking at envelopes.
I step on the cracked pavement. Daddy is late today so the flies **** on the pickle.
These words mean absolutely nothing. If only I had a spatula.
Freezing now with an imminent snow storm. One day I'll get what i deserve.
One day I'll look at a dead crow sqaushed in a truck wheel.
one day you'll tell me to sleep so I don't hurt anymore.
I'm the bad guy biting my tongue.
I roll over and pray for dawn,
I sit up in the gray moon
telling her all my secrets because I no longer care if I can
never forget

Ads? Pretty sad, on the one clean place I had.
Makes me feel bad,
Like I lost a friend to death,
Of the slow kind. Eating at his force. Explode. Painted by sheep, because no one is true. Haha

love is just a chemical reaction in the brain,

and *** dolls
are purely silicone.

humans are 90% water,
and 10% carbon.


scratch tickets usually yield bad results.


soda is bad for the kidneys.

exercise hurts the back after prolonged periods.

elderly men are going to die.


young men are going to die.


women are going to die.


this ant is going to die,


and he never knew love

With a person you hate and wishing they were dead. And when they go to the bathroom the toilet flush is an agonizing disturbance, and their footsteps like trampling on your mother's grave. You want out, but theyre there and they know you hate it, and you want to sleep without their warmth. What once was comforting is now suffocating, their reassurance and notion of love, cruelty.
You want out, out, out ,out, out onto a dead field with no rose and no shine, just like you always imagined, just like your dreams

Crushes me
Rolls me into a ball and flicks me into a dirt mound
I stay there and breathe
dead silence
Hum

cute girl, why do you stand there
Why do you talk about your son's
I'm here and I talk about blue
Shadows
Why do you go that way?

Why do they ****** me when I'm 12 and 14
But want nothing to do with me now?

I know my hair ***** and my nose is big and my eyes are crooked and my skin is ****
But don't expect me to be just sitting here happy

I'm not 'entitled' im a ******* human being

I don't
want to see a grey cloud
I want a *******


Blue sun, blue ocean where no one feels pain

I pluck my eyelashes
You talk 2 Jake. Blued eyed Jake. You've ****** 1000 men but you won't **** me.

I am real I am here, I FEEL


I drag the load. If it means scratching the cell doors , I'll destroy the universe.

You don't exist.

This pain is all thats here and now like infinite  subtraction

The line at the post office stretched for half a mile and it made me sick
Now this is contrived

Now this is about humanity

Now the ravens flock around the eviscerated mound
My jacket was black & i had 3 like it
No line is too long when youre dead inside

greg comes down. he stills lives with his mother at 52,
and is perpetually clutching a coors banquet in his left hand, and his pinky is contorted in a grotesque fashion. his eyes are black without expression, and everything he says is sincere, but laughs at innapropriate times.
He helps us dig the ditch for the bones of the dog in the backyard,
it died when it was attacked by the Great Dane which was subsequently euthanized. He had the idea to put the carcass in a trash bag and now it stunk and the body was a frothing mess of decay.
We laid the bag in as he ****** on his coors banquet.
"GOD REST ITS SOUL"
he said.
we said a prayer; it seemed appropriate. and after the dog was buried, he got in his car, totally drunk and drove back to his mamas.
The stereo blasted Pink Floyd "Wish you were here" on vinyl, and it happened to be 2am. Someone puked on the floor and I promptly went to bed whilst someone ****** in the kitchen. I don't know how I got there, but I was spoonfed yogurt in the night while some random girl ****** me off. good dreams, and hot nights. my shoes sat in the corner staring at the sin. & I made sure to say goodnight     in the morning
as I drove off to Los alisos on the corner of Jeronimo and El toro

I know I'm saying goodbye now
It's why I kept my reservations because I knew we'd get here, even through all the intimate moments, it's always just talk.
Just the next time you say you belong to someone I hope you remember me.
Looking into their hopeful eyes knowing full well you have no intention of honoring the promise.
**** my life.

I'm too old to care, yet here I am

I cried for you
like a little baby, and here I am at 5am writing a poem for you because I can't stop thinking about you and how you touched me in a such a profound way.
I'm not even angry anymore, and you deserve most of it, but it just seems so abrupt and cold this end.
I can see you online witg your posts, but you're not here. You have fundamentally vanished, decased, erased from my life, and I can't accept it.
There's too much invested, but you're gone,
And I'm gone too.
And you're heading off to some brilliant future with a newly kindled love in a city with potential, and I'm still here.
I can't just spontaneously love like you can or others can. I take ******* years.
I dont let anyone in. Noone knows me, not even my mother.
I will still be sitting here and I want to reach out.
I'm tired of the failures, and you leaving just amplifies my feeling of worthlessness.
I can't keep being alone, and a recluse. It is killing me,
I can't keep hiding, I can't keep dreaming,
I need to be free.

Free by any means

I'm gonna start using women like objects, I'm really over it.
I get ghosted by the women I want and who proclaim will "never leave 💕💕💕" and that I'm their "one and only 🥺🖤" Months lost. This is a world of sociopaths, so what's one more snake

I'm getting what I want now

CALL

EVERYOEEE YOU  KNOW

AND SAY YOU LOVE THM
.

HERE MY NeW song!



UH
UH

GUNNA      buy a     cattle ****

and shock yo baby


shock yo baby

shock  


OUT NOV 8.


TRUMP     IS  cool

I've never met a ******* like this.
My ex would complain of my *** tasting
like battery acid and would always put on a pouty child's face when
her *****
was the strongest I've ever had to trek into.
Yet I would make her *** numerous times because I thought I loved her
and could see past superficial
     c r a p.

but this new girl,
***, so young but ***** as though she's a seasoned pornstar. She'll dislocate her throat like a boa and engulf my **** and as I *** and spurt into it she inhales it and then gently moves to my *****
and caresses my **** then kisses all over my thighs and says "thank you daddy, that was yummy"

She does this multiple times a day. some girls are fakers, this isn't one.
I'm looking forward
to the pissplay tomorrow

I cooked her a bowl of rice
with some sausages slathered in butter. The rice hadn't
been washed
so it turned into a sort of mush.
I'm a generaly pretty accomplished cook being that it's been my profession the last 10 years, but this was embarrassing.
She ate it anyway though and started clinking the bottom of the bowl with her spoon
indicating she really enjoyed it
"Thank you, I really enjoyed that" she said and
then kissed me

It was the first time a man ever cooked for her.
normally she'd get ******
and have Burger King nuggets after.
I made  her 10 cent rice and then ****** her
but also cared somewhat
too

Cough drops
fried food
Chairs and
Dogs
Skittering
Humans in motion
Emotional prying
Faith in midair
Jumping towards sun

Ha ha ha
you're a believer
Take your sketch to iguana

Now I see it's too long
What more can not be done

feel betrayed, bamboozled
Women are too good at the game of emotional manipulation
Even a young girl runs circles around me.
I try to be cool and detached
but inevitably the photos of the other men come flooding in; the Hispanic dude with guaged ears, the buff guy with the lizard tattoo, and she knows I'll watch all of it

But she ****** me just so she could toy with me after; her greatest currency
No intention of meeting again, just wanted me in her orbit, and God it felt amazing and I indeed became a weary simp

I'm too old for this **** though, so I blocked her. Total indifference on her end of course, but now
I can be ***** and alone but at least with some semblance of dignity.
But what's dignity worth when you're lonely?
Only a sociopath can beat this game and I'm getting close; next time
I'll win but it'll hardly be fun

funeral Mass will be celebrated for Margarita "Maggie" Iglesias  at 1: 00 p.m. , at Sacred Heart Catholic Church today, November 28, 2020. Burial will follow at Palm Valley Memorial Gardens Cemetery in the Ceballos-Diaz Funeral Home of Edinburg. Sadie is in charge of arrangements.

Sad muggy night where the air is stale and the brown leaves hiss along the street with apathy
It reminds me of everything that is wrong, of everything that shouldn't have been

The spider gathers another moth in her web , the lamps are amber like marmalade

82 iq blues

  START now
What's for food. She melted the walls with her eyes. What of it . I talked to blind mice. Cadaver with a nose like pain. Begotten and strung by lines. We float on.  I kissed a girl and liked it.  I went alone through the wilderness like sissyphus and produced a bear. Age had me down. You took the number.  Ha . Keep the coins 999999999

888

85th presidents
Parades for flags. Bombing children and eating ***. Where were you then?
Keep your ******* hallelujah. Keep your hypocrisy. You're not my brother son. You're my shovel and this is our grave

my only friend is my buddy matt

I love that man, and 1 friend is better than what most can claim today.
I'm lucky.
we talk every Tuesday,
and he talks about his shoes and his squirrels
and his elderly wife( he actually married a 50 year old seamstress when he was 22, it's weird, but whatever)

im happy though with this;

and I need nothing else. all the other 'friends'
sold out to the consumerist boom-
easily bought.

I need someone that'll take a bullet. I've already taken a few for him;
and that's where I stand.
thank you. until Valhalla

Time goes by so fast and you howl and breathe like a ***** beast
What once was 2 years is now 5 and what was once 5 is 10
And before you know it what was once cute and endearing at 16
Is now Strange and immature at 24
I didn't ask for this
I wanted to be eternal, I wanted to be timeless
And thats why they all die at 27 and I'm nearly there.
No one will bury me
I'll be scattered ash for daises, while the tombstones all read prayers

I was nuzzled in her chest, crying, sorry for what had become of our relationship and for what ultimately ended it.
She rubbed my back
and consoled me a bit
and asked if I wanted something for the road.
I declined.
As I walked away into the afternoon light
to my car
I felt regret and a looming despair of which I was justified
in sensing since that night would become absolute hell.
hopelessness and pure self-pity
fractured self-esteem.
razor cuts and more tears, and wallowing in a melancholic feedback loop reminiscing of good times which really weren't all that good.

then I opened the app and I saw her holding hands with some
nerd,
posted just after I left - that was really ******.
I thought I was ******, I guess just slightly

tire changed,
It's changed, the crank fell down and bit the cement and theres oil
  
mama's boy standing on his balcony listening to bad hip hop,
cars roll down the street
polluting everything and
polluting any semblance of solitude

winning tickets,
and black eyes, don't give up on yourself, it only gets harder and what you get in the end for it
no one knows, but no one will put up a fight

i ate
an apple


while the hamster

began swinginf from thte branch


and licking

juices
from the cat
droppings which
formed
an impressive pile in the corner of the room.


the door
swings open

and man
yells
for the broom
so as to bash someone on the head---

usually
a random child who would spit gum on the lawn.


laughter is evident
and the breeze is cool
and the sun
is healing

and the clouds

are soaring
over equador.


i eat 6 chicken fingers

and 4 burgers
with a glass of juice.

ciggarettes are $10 now
so **** that.


and the fat lady outside with her little dog alwyas on the phone and always
glaring at me
will one day be vaporized by an incoming meteor shower which
specifically targets
her hut on the culdesac.


worms
are eating my ulcers

and the sweat
quenches my thirst

when sometimes
i'd rather be out talking to myself in peace

because

no one bothers a crazy person
especially when they're just mere centimeters
away

and ready to ****

Why am I laughing with myself right now
It's like that scene in the Joker
It's all so funny
And I hear a couple *******.
I throw an orange at the wall and **** out the window
.
Cut me up with your knife,
I've got the scars to cry over and damp lamps do not forget.

3 stories down and it's over and I HOPE it's
messy

10-

going to **** myself

15-
going to **** myself
18
-

going to **** myself
for REAL NOW

20-
GOING TO **** MYSLEF

21- GOING TO **** MYSELF

22-GOING TO ****

2-
GOING TO

79-
going to **** myself

94-

going to take a *******
a roof-
then
going to
watch TV in my pajamas with my wife
Michael

I want to punch you in your ******* face for having written that and I hope your whole operation burns to the ground and you end up  hungry
and alone.
What is Taylor swift up to?
    I heard she takes a lot of vagisil and eats grapes?  
  
Bradd Pitt has his eyes stapled in a chameleon glare-  and
  potholes are full of actors  of a play called life

i rolled
over


and i felt
it licking my face,

then it crawled up my neck
and into my nose.

it was slimy

yet smooth at the same time

and the taste of ****
seaped into my esophagus.


and as it sat in there for a few minutes

i felt the eggs
begin
to pulsate
,

and the tingling
from the hatchlings

as they began
to skkitter from within.

and as all this happened
,
i continued to lie,
almost compelled
to see this beautiful miracle play out.


and then i brushed my teeth

and went to bed a second time

and had a glass
of grape cider
and she nestled beside me and told
me how
i was going to be a great husband--

and that her babies were
strong
from the milk

and kisses.

milk and kisses
always
and always

I lay down with my hand on her breast
And her whimper in the night
You want me to fix you
But I can't nor should I
You need to make yourself whole, I never signed up for being anything other than a warm shoulder
To cry on, and to provide my love if you needed it
But I can't perform miracles, because I'm only human
And Lord knows I've been waiting for some miracles too

Elliot smith

you're a genius,

youre a
poem
that doesn't need to rhyme,     a thought without contrivance.

I know you didn't **** yourself,

but the papers need a headline.  a poet can never rest

how does one become a fortune cookie writer?
    
  "alway avoid contradiction with misty people"
I shall

rose on an  a leaf  removed by 3  pinches.  
  heard of the game
called emaculate tension

or no rouge
   for  Thursdays.


squashed on
a stick   in august heat and running up a dried-up spring to maybe call on your ghost .

My dreams are  dead , But sitting here gets boring

i hope i die in my sleep


  
  I hope i feel
      the calm
Breeze as i slip away
Into benign
      acceptance

So quiet
She wipes away my
   Tears

There's nothing better than opening your phone
or notifications and seeing multiple messages from girls
infinitely more attractive and sweet than your
ex

I don't care at this point, she was a selfish cow, indignant and refused to change,
so I had to make the change.

The only issue with all this is getting anything
done when
your **** is constantly getting
******