I want to help people
I want to use my words
To reassure them that they're not alone
To let them know that someone is there
I want to use my words
To teach them that it's okay to admit you're not okay
To tell them that other people are like them
And that they understand
I want to use my words
To help people
To befriend people
To save people
I know that no one can save the world
But I would like to save a part of it
If I save one person with my words
I will have dome something I've always wanted to do
I will do what I have always planed to do
Because I want to help

I feel as if I'm sinking,
but also as if I'm the one
who tied the weight around my ankles

i've
  never
    been
      more
        confused.

my heart is a ticking time bomb
and the after shock will be worse than the initial blow,
i promise you.

like a handgun just fired,
or fresh blood dripping in clean snow,
it's noticeable, my love for self-destruction.

the scent of sadness lingers around my being
and soap won't strip the depression
out of my hair so i guess im stuck here.

This is for the people who don't have the suicide hotline number memorized just in case.
For the people who have never cried sitting across from a counselor because their lives are actually perfect.
For the people who have never chainsmoked a pack of cigarettes while their brain flirts with the danger of "what if..."
Whose hands don't shake uncontrollably with the memories of what used to be.
This is for the people who haven't drank an entire bottle just for the peace of sleep
The people who haven't wondered if waking up isn't the scariest part of their day
This is for the people who weren't diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression all in a spin of words.
The people who don't have to hold themselves together with fake promises that survival is only half the battle.
To the people who have never met the call of a razor blade with the skin of their bodies.
This is for the people who say that mental illness is just whining.
Do you realize just how lucky you actually are?

Hi, I'm Hannah
I'm a depressed optimist who likes to write
Confused?
Maybe, it'll make sense after I explain it
I have depression and often times I am sad
I get quiet, awkward, and guarded
But at the same time I am very optimistic
I always think that things will always get better
So I describe myself as a depressed optimist
I've never met anyone else like that
I don't believe there are too many people like me
And because of that I write
And I publish it to the world for anyone
Who needs someone like me
I may not make a big impact
But maybe I will inspire someone
Or make friends with someone
Anyone who needs someone who they can relate to
But who they can also go to while searching for optimism
So...Hi, I'm Hannah
And I'm a depressed optimist who likes to write

W
    H
       Y

Would we

B
   O
       T
          H
              E
                 R

With gentle touches,
And loving gestures
When I just flinch away
Or am too scared to ask for
Any help.

W
   H
      Y

Do you

B
   O
       T
          H
              E
                 R
                     ?

I guess it's because
You care.

Strange.

Still new to me.

"I was kinda hoping you'd"
Swallow down the fear,
Keep your head up,
"stay?"

Sheepish grins
And awkward shuffling of feet.

Body language,
And touching of shoulders
Arms
Wrists
Hands.

I spent my summer
Trying to get better,
And I've got to be honest,
I think I'm really getting there.

So when you ask me what I want,
What's going on,
It's stupid
But
All I wanna say is
"I was kinda hoping you'd stay?"