I haven't thought of you in months.
I haven't said your name in years.

I hold no ire for you,
or the apologies I sent to you desperately
that you'd never accept.

and I'll always ******* care,
but I can't bring myself to care about anyone
that's walked out of my life
and slammed the door
anymore.

I'd love to rehash a friendship,
I'd love to apologize till my mouth bleeds,
I'd love to figure out
the sins I've committed
and all that went wrong.

but that's not my life
anymore.

I'm in love
with someone I cared for,
before I ever loved you.

I'd love to make amends
but there's no way
I can fix what I did
anymore.

so thanks for the memories,
and thanks for being who you are,
who you were,
and who you will be.

I will always care.
I just can't care as much as I'd like to
anymore.

I'm afraid I cannot speak to you.

See, I have this
Strict rule,
About not speaking
To zombies.

And you're dead to me.

I have never
Been considered
"Good enough".

A thing I have struggled with
My entire life.

I have never
Been considered
"Good."

By the people
Who supposedly make those judgments.

But who am I?
To live my life by judgments
Of others
Who are not in my head,
And who were not there for the events
That have made me who I am.

Because those that matter
Will stay,
Will listen,
Will hear me out
In the darkest depths
Of my darkest moments.

They will understand
My defense mechanisms
Of hostile sarcasm
And quiet tears that come too often.

I close my eyes,
And remember a voice,
Remember a smile,
A laugh,
And everything slows and calms
Rather rapidly.

And I am in love
And I am happy,
And I am okay.

My Bluebird
Loves me,
And I am not alone,
Despite the feelings the nightmares haunt me with.

And darkness,
Sick and strange,
Tries to creep inside my mind,
And I will fight it off.
As I am good,
And that in itself is good enough.