she's here,
but i don't see her.

she's here,
with her dull eyes
but i don't see her.

she's here,
with her fragile body,
but i don't see her.

she's here,
with stained cheeks,
but i don't see her.

she's here,
not not uttering a single word,
and i still don't see her.

i don't see the girl i used to know.
i don't see her.

her with bright, glittering eyes.
her with an enthusiastic soul within a body.
her with that curved up line in her face.
her with too many words to say.

*i just don't see her.

Because in the end I'm still standing
in the corner
like I like
or don't like
I have yet to decide but
I'm laughing with myself;

vanity never got me anything.

So I'll wear exactly what I like or
what you want me to like or
whatever I found on the floor
and I'll collect more and more
until I finally realize what I chore it is

Pretending who you're going to be each day.

Dress me in grey
Stick me in a simple box
Set me on fire and
throw me to the rocks in the sky
that always reflected the dreamy mist of another life
into my vacant eyes.

C.e.M. 12.12.14