no ones awake at 4am
I try to reach out
But nobody can
Because they still lay in there beds
While I'm here wishing I was dead
No ones awake at 4amp
I scream and cry
Yet im pleading
To hear me but they can't hear
For all I write, every letter, its in fear.
I ******* hate you for leaving me
While I was struggling to be what I want to be
I hate you
While I crumbled to nothing
I hate you
For not seeing me.
I fell and I burned and I crashed
But you're the one that lit the flame, now im ash
Im angry, and torn, and falling apart
Yet no one will help, the moment I start.
I hate you for leaving me.
I miss his touch but I burn his skin
Creeping, seeping in the dark within
I tried to reach out but the thread was pulled
And I fell and I broke, you loved me? I was fooled
I can break my arm
For old times sake
You can watch me me burn
As my bones break
You were once the fire I held
But my hands are caked
With ash and im burning
But still I wake
As I still wake
Im raw i have no notes
I hate myself
With all the love that I give
I hate myself
Its such a ****** up world in which we all live
And we try
And we cry
And the pain
They say one day it'll stop and all be okay
But when? When? Will my happiness stay?
During half slept nights, fear seeps out from my dreams
It follows you, it follows me
But I invite that fear in to come rest while I hide
From everything wrong in the world but mostly everything wrong that's inside
We sit and wait reliving scenes after scene
Of everything that could happen and everything that has been
But im growing tired of fears company now so I try to turn the vacancy light off
But the light has become broken and fear said he will never stop
So I sit and I wait
And I wait and I sit
Until fear and I merge into a black and endless pit
We can try to escape this but it's harder that it may seem
Because it follows you
While it clings to me
my tales about my struggle with fear and anxiety
what lives do they live? As they walk their dogs? Pay taxes.
Is this life?
What life do I live?
Mace in hand?
No red car?
There's pain in my sadness
But in that black hole I find peace
Because once I pull myself back out
My heartache will cease
You were too deaf to hear,
as I was far too blind to see
That my screams never reached your ears,
Or that those signs were all for me.
I wish I could do something destructive
With no repercussions
But I cant,
So the fire stays within me.
Melting my heart, burning my skin.
From bone to dust
And light to sin.
Like a fly to a spiders corner
I got tricked by the warmth of your web
I was too busy staying safe that I didn't realize I was being eaten alive.
But don't worry because like flies, spiders must do whats needed to survive.
The fear you've instilled in me will only push me more to gain the peace I need.
So make me bleed
Bring me to my knees
I will rise.
No more saying not if but when
Because you will never bring me down again
One sip 40 calories
One bite 50 calories
How many calories until I finally feel ok myself again?
Or was I ever?
Waking up to locked doors and closed shades
Walking while observing faces, you fade
I go through my day with you on my mind
Although we're never face to face, I know you're never far behind
Go home with knife in hand
Just in case it happens again
Lock myself up, shut myself in get ready for another night
Where I see your shadow dance across my walls and my fear blinds my sight
Frozen in pain
of the memories that remain
Try to sleep just to wake and do it all again tomorrow even though I pretend
That im alright, and safe, and ok knowing your search never ends.
— The End —