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Dinodust Mar 2018
I remember when you said
“I love you”

And that simple phrase
I broke
Said “Whatever”

And you tried to talk to me
And..
I just snapped

I started yelling
Horrible things
About how I felt unwanted
And unloved
How I could be easily replaced
With tears in my eyes
And the taste of metal in my throat

I never saw you sob before
How I saw your heart pour out

I froze
And hated myself even more
In that moment

I realized that my parents worried
About my safety
At home

I realized the pain I caused them
When I said I didn’t want to live

I realized a lot of things
How I placed my anger at the wrong people
And how much of a force I could be

I realized how much I was loved by them
And how much they cared
And how much my life is worth
I’m sorry for making you worry so much dad
  Mar 2018 Dinodust
Peter Balkus
Love isn't blind,
blind are those,
who never loved.
Dinodust Mar 2018
Lightheaded

My heart tearing up my chest

Sweating

My stomach throbbing

Overthinking

Memories

P
A
N
I
C
A
T
T
A
C
K

I can’t cry here
I can’t throw up playing a clarinet
So I run
to the bathroom

And I start dry heaving
Until tears flow
And I can’t control myself

But I only have a minute
To get ahold of myself
And
To make sure it looks like I didn’t
just lose my emotions

God, I hate this

I hate my facades
I’m not truly okay half the time
I just act happy
Because I
HATE
It when people worry about me

I’m not worthy of love
Not yet that is
I need to learn to love myself
Before I can love anyone else

But
I hate this facade
That I’ve made for myself

I’m sorry..
I love panicattacks and ptsd in the morning :))))
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