They say they love me but I can't believe a word
The words choke around my neck like a cord
And this time it holds tight
Death it embraces me tight
Feels nice like rest after a long night


I see myself splattered on every wall
Visions of a body hanging till the fall
Don't wanna die
Didn't wanna be born
So I practice a necktie
Wonder when it'll be worn

****** Mary come out of the mirror
And see me with that face of terror
Stay with me in the mirror ever fairer
So ****** a fear blossoms forever

****** Mary what have I done
Oh why wont you come
Does it not seem oh so fun
To put an end to an ugly run

****** Mary answer my query
Why am I not a worthy quarry
Why am I so unworthy
Of you turning me too a slurry

****** Mary, ****** Mary
Come to me and forever be
Last to see my eyes teary
From a dreary sob story

****** Mary don't abandon me
Like those faerie and fantasy
Hidden from reality in story's
Mary I worry your not really

More than just a story

Smoking wax till the day wanes
Lights off, blinded to stay sane
The bodys out of frame

A desire to die in this fire
The pyre burns ever higher
I'm burning in this desire

Saliva in the wound fashion the blood
Salivate when blood hits the wood
Stake the woods with something crude

I admire the passion of the cult
****** psychos spewing guilt
Pseudo intellectuals feel the melt
Ice to water blood to salt
People scalped then fear the pelt

In the clouds hear the sound of a menace crowned
Proud people spread hate aloud and incite the crowds
Good people cowed no words and a blunted sword

Every day the righteous die and fade away
Well I heard the best way to live is to die anyway
Have patience then the prize will be some pay
Didn't realize that meant we'd be the ones that pay

I gotta go away now cause things didn't go your way
Gotta go away so now I need a new place to stay

Or maybe just stay on the road go from place to place
Love me when they meet me and leave after I'm a tired face
I don't stick around not one friend outpace the sneakers lace

Stopped wearing a watch cause I only waste my time
Now watch as I drop line after aimless line
Meandered and squandered all of my time
After all the wandering and wondering I missed the sign
So I'm driving past the state line
Just hoping everything will be fine

Say I live in insanity
I say your lost in sanity

No one likes red lights
Just out to see the sights
Tonight head to my place
The night and I in a race
After the stars we chase

After all the bars and dregs emptying in my glass
Hop and a skip too far straying ahead of my class
Because we all know, all we are is our past
And if that's the case it's trash and I won't last
But I rub shoulders with class and the money gets passed

Want fast cars, realty, and futures for my life
Gonna go far maybe crash an burn it all tonight
Got some cash its going fast gonna work it out
Spent it on trash, stocks an property never clout
No ice on the dash or rocks on hand, don't flout

Say I'm in it for me and friends but I don't have any of them
Either in the new family or don't got a slice in my time
Legal crime, law says its legal but it sure ain't moral
Guess the moral is don't be born poor or you pay the fine
Well I paid mine and now life is allowed to unfurl

I'm running through red lights gonna see the sights
Tonight I might not make it to my place
Got to win this cruel rat race cause the stars are giving chase
Its sponsored by the state but maybe its all just fate
And of late I've learned to hate the game but most of all hate the players

Cause they trample over prayers and cull the meek
Wolves taking samples of the flavors of the sheep
If your body aches and you work late till the bones creak
Than your the flavor of the week used up till you peak
Your sweat it reeks and draws out the beast

Thrown out in your decline as they recline
Protest your death an receive the fine
Try to survive and you do the time
Don't dare cross the line, moneys the bottom line
Some call it survival others they call it, crime

Money its on my mind
Calls come in and its on the line
I think about money all the time
I make it so I can dine
But others take it to drink wine

Been called a villain but I'd say machiavellian
Learned lessons from the enemy no more feelings
I'll keep living digits from the beast, seven seven seven
Close to falling, but thats the business of heaven
To **** without a weapon during a bull session

Money under my skin, It's killed the has-been
It the only way to win, not skill, not brains
I was saved just had to pay and rob the till
Ink stains over scars and pain none of the rich are sane
Moving Novocaine illegal till its pharmaceutical bills

Should've stopped at red lights
Can't unsee the sights
Don't even know my place
Or who's in this race
But I know it's stars we chase

All the hero's are dead or lost their head
Corpses layed to waste to grow our bread
We all got played bought what they would move
Traded my life and all I know is I'm still alive
To truth its tied when its said a villain survives

Go door to door sleeping on different floors
Friend to friend living on friendships till they end
I'm a chore waiting outside your door
I'll leave your heart bruised and sore
And then I'll wander once more

Doors open to me before I close them behind me
Live here till they don't see a friend when they look at me
Can't stand a driftless loser whose drowning in a sea of apathy
When you remember the past I hope that I'm an absentee
I was pushed away and you deserve better than me

We used to talk at the lunch table and laugh all day
I felt joy with you when all there was, was gray
At recess, we would sit and talk and laugh all day
I felt a connection with you and had so much to say
Now we sit on the couch and talk and cry all day

Life keeps getting colder and we keep getting older
You made something of yourself moved much bolder
Every weight and sad day you would shoulder
While I sat under a tree and laughed into october
Laughed away the day until my heart froze over

Mostly I smoke **** and don't do much of anything
Something I'm interested in? no there's not a thing
Maybe I could just die if a bee would choose to sting
Relax in flower fields, watching the bees in the spring
Death fluttering over buttercups while I eat a fairy ring

"Relax", "Slow down", "What's the big deal anyway"
You really just have so much you want to be and to say
But I don't have much I want to be and really whose to say
I'll get out of your way, your right I guess I just get in the way
And its okay if we never talk there's not much to say anyway

Goodbye.

When?

Tick tock another second gained your life arranged
Clocks abound framed and bound forward marched
Now tense is present where sensation moans
Passion over sense actions set into stone
How many will reach us when thrown
And reach the seed that will be grown

Where.

Once so loud gone quiet, read our lives plot synopsis
Where is pride when you live in edges of solipsis
In a stones shade I am alive treading after sisyphus

Who?

A man or a child
Blessed or left for dead
Am I the words said
Or sins committed
The name cherished
But feels so ashamed

What.

A hypocrite to the bone
Trite words said to no one
A life spent all alone

Why

Brushed some people off now their ghosts
Called the plans evil now it'll get changed in post
Hate the fake civil talk about who gets to be shot
Weevils in society spread disease and rot
Devils in rags, devils in suits it matters not
Community's become ***** in a ***

Most never fought for anything except to take mine
Whatever, now I got money growing past the line
Got colder to people who waste my time
Left to the dirt till I was doing fine
Expected to be doing time

Graduated college before twenty four
Didn't think I'd live past twenty two
All these rich people have things so new
All my **** hand me downs growing into being poor
Now it's all gas to the floor gotta be one of the few
To have flew the coop make it past a broken door

No sense of community with the middle class
They let us die in poverty then demand a pass
Treat people like property it's so funny the middle class won't last
Shrinks every year cause of their fealty to hate and the past
Sink down here how long will they last
Among rabid dogs and white trash

Nothing ever mattered till it hit their homes
Now they lose that life with a single broken bone
How's it feel to choose food or defaulting a loan
We're all going down look at the oats we've sown
Moved up today but tomorrow down I'll be thrown
Downtown shoved into the ground the life we're shown

We all have to struggle on our own
Struggle through the aches and groans
So cast upon people all your stones
And enjoy living where the rocks were thrown
Claim it all trash heaps and poverty welcome home
Time to claim our plastic throne

We in the gulag
Warm fires we burnin our god
So sit and chill dog

Life's been let down after let down
The highs are come down after come down
I stand in place sun up and sun down
Drinking and partying around town
With my constant frown
I wear a whiskey crown
Clarity is the same as misery
So come here commiserate with me
Passed back and forth a bottle of Hennessy
Crying tears of liquid LSD
Shaking from the DT's
First hit I ever took was a freebee
Filled me up and left me empty
My brain aches and my body is sweaty
Sticky and failing grasp for that comfort
Even while I stand in squalor
I toast to every single new year
Down my throat goes another beer
As I careen towards a ******* career
I feel depression and a drugged up cheer
Liquid LSD comes out in tears
DT's and shakes make some fear
But I know none myself, in my town
With a whisky crown and a frown
Everyday sun up and every let down

It's not them, It's you
Your not like them, more like you
Like you to defend yourself
You sit on a shelf
haunted by ghosts
Gather dust, to spite yourself
In spite of what you want
You spit in spite at your want
Stunted your growth, always fall short
Don't change, don't grow, selling yourself short
Pathetic and sad a dying man feeling glad
Think you're tall, think you're small
Unstable, you don't grow you'll fall
Your not perfect, your not even great
Think your perfect, don't even try to be great

Great greatness gets greater  
It grates greatly the grating gratifier
Ego stroker a chronic masturbater
Losing sight when everyone will cater
Man of masks an avid actor
Nice in summer
Friend in fairweather
See you later
When the sky is clearer

Differences lost in smiles
Have to walk for miles
Just to turn the dial
After awhile crocodile

Memory indexed in files
Haven't been checked in awhile
Staring at sheet piles
Trying to find my profile

Meanwhile while I wile away the time
Pass it with style and rhyme

Burn a sedative, grey clouds over my head
Toss and turn, fourteen hours then im outta bed
Ten hours to pretend I'm not dead

Fifths on the curb filth on my breath
Threats between lock-jawed teeth
Crime pays never follow laws, thief
Weak are prey in the belly of the beast

Cut with a sickle human life is wheat
Thoughts are fickle so you best leave
As wealth trickles my lungs heave
So I'll **** for a nickel long past naive

The living don't sleep at night
Thats a ending in our sight
If alls silent if alls quiet
It's violence It's a riot

Apparitions of our misery like a sister to me
Superstition is hidden history and trickery
Suspicions hysteria lead to be-witchery
Submission to superior forces and misery

Look over your shoulder sleep with one eye open
Never be bolder thats a quick order to a open coffin
Break camcorders, records fill folders in folsom
Blood is water never trust your brothers an cousins

No thought to evolution or gods
No more solutions or fighting odds

Not gonna ask why don't care who
My only reply to life is ******* too

I got bags under my eyes
Awake but I'm tired
Stop calling me wise
All I am is expired
I've stopped chasing highs
I only do what is required

Is this whats called an honest life
To live bereft of passion within reason
I've stopped carrying a knife
Live within the bounds of demons
I've reached my own half-life
As struggle lessens sins deepen

Sink into skin pocks an permanent marks
No more broken locks and empty pockets
Just work and later nights
To be broke with empty sockets
No jokes no more laughs
What a joke living for profits

Are we here or are we in hell
So unclear I can never tell
I just wait to hear the dinner bell

My fill of meat and of greens
Blood soaked steak and bloodier means
Food produced without break rough and lean

Nothing tender about ******* marrow
Something in a blender weeping tomorrows
Meal pink pasty guts in a feeding barrow

He was glowing in my eyes
A blazing star that could never die
So bright that he made me cry

Being alone its just like home
On my own thats just how it goes
To live my life most lack the stones
Bleeding out I'm losing it slow

Everyone's alone guess that's home
On your own that's how it goes
To live your life most lack the stones
Bleeding out your losing it slow

Look out at the sky where birds sing cheerfully
Took out my words and sang them wonderfully
A fool without a sword who says life is beautiful

He's filled with holes deep and bored into his skull
Ate his fill of drugs cause he was bored out of his skull
Filled with holes from deep wounds eyes gone dull

Down down
Down down down
I've been feeling down

Whats up
My friends doped up
Everyone's ****** up


My friend she pops pills
Makes her mind go still
He's an alcoholic
Couple drinks an stoic
Crush it up and burn it up
Thats my fam doped an ****** up
I'm on a hallucinogen
I'm lit the only time I grin
Sin until we feel fine again

Reflection of us
Inflection of rust
Deception of trust