Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.

i can party all fucken day long

i never ever ever ever put a ****** foot wrong

i am listening to bon jovi cause he makes me feel ALIVE

makes me go home for thanksgiving and christmas

to eat a pumpkin pie

i don’t care how old i am, i just wanna party

and keep the big men sitting on their beds ready to go to sleep

bon jovi is so radical, and i like him cause outlook

but don’t take that the wrong way, for i am not gay

i just like his music, hey hey hey hey, it’s his music for i like to play

lay your hands on me lay your hands on me, get ya hands of me if ya wanna squeeze my dickie

i am not a man to a bully, i love to muck around

if you can’t except the tom, i will say, come on get down, now dudes

get ya hands off me get your hands off me get for i am not gay

bon jovi is singing about a woman he wants to *****

i am not pretty, for i am an ugly toad who loves life saying, PARTY ON DUDE

i don’t do being nice i don’t do being nasty, i do being cool

if you can’t except that, you are a tool

but i don’t believe in violence, but i wanna give conservos a boot up the ***

so, brian the cool person, goes about his way

to party hardy won’t sturdy mate i am cool

a joy to countless
brings pain to some

it takes but one
to douse the happiness
   of many

...if you let it

hold onto the positive
extinguish the negative

don't let others fears
   & insecurities
tear down all that you believe
   all that you feel
     all that you love
just to salve a wound
that has been festering
long before
you became
     what you are today.

Where are you going at 2am?
Left a light on for someone who never came home
Kept alive the herbs in your pocket-
Tried to sit down, tried to walk it off
Your phone is dead when nobody's around
And the whole town is sleeping
I wonder where, you wonder, they've been?
Worrying over an empty bed and a low gas tank
Until 4am, then, I guess the world comes back around
And you lay to rest, all the answers you haven't found

What you call home, I call temporary. Packing away the gifts I was given from a lying child. Box after box a memory is put in. I open the doors to the place I will now call mine, for now. I climb the stairs to the place I will sleep in safely. I put my things on the carpet floors and wait till the sun goes down. Just the moon shines outside my new window. My new glass eyes. I see the world different, for now. I strip away the tape and the cardboard separates. Every memory and time spent from the past, is free. You follow me. To a new house that is temporary. No matter how far I get, you will be under the sheets. Your figure stuck to the side of my brain, for now. Forever.

We die seeking immortality and in the process lose all our integrity and see only the future we want to see,
what will become of us now?

In this maelstrom where all is insolvency,
we dissolve into fits of
apoplexy,
we look for, but cannot find that serenity
seeing only the future we want to see.