I lost a friend
Somewhere in that land
Where sadness
Does not come to an end

Actually I lost two
Somewhere in that land
Where betrayal
Comes from a friend

I don't sleep
As I watch it grow
Hoping I can handle
That little creep
Telling me
I can sink back
Into that black hole

Who are you supposed to be?
As I expected everything was connected
And we were fighting
But I still stood united
By your sides
What a wicked thing
I did not forsee

All nights you'd gone
You had places to be
I was so wrong
Giving my trust for free

I've been through ****
You can't imagine the jist
But I've always
Blindly trusted
My friends

Now, instead
I watch it grow
And expand
Hoping I can handle
And withstand

All that salty sadness
Crashing on the floor
There's no sparkle left
In those eyes
Except for the glimmering moist
I have seen...
I have been here before
There's nothing you should say
No expections in the air tonight
I'll just hold you
And embrace your soul
Untill you care again
Untill you feel whole

I ask myself again and again
“Should I be so scared of life?”
“Is it normal to feel this pain?”
“Should I take the knife?”

You left me broken and alone
You didn’t even give me time to pack
You threw me out in the cold like stone
You didn’t even take a look back

And here I am, still thinking of you
I don’t even know why I keep you in my head
After everything we’ve been through
Instead, I should be looking ahead

So why? Why can’t I forget?
Forget the words, the way you think
Forget that we have ever met
Forget everything in just one blink

It’s easy,... only now and then
My heart still wants to live in past
It wants to be able to talk with you again
It wants to ask all questions that it never asked

And here I am, hating on my heart
Because I should know that you’re not worth it
But, I guess, I’m just not that smart
Even though I bet you don’t care a single bit

You’re not worth my tears, I know
But I still feel for you, I still cry
Maybe someday I will grow
And hopeFULLY then I’ll say “Goodbye”

How can I forget everything you made me feel?
How can I not miss every word you said to me?
How can I glue the pieces of my heart to make it heal?
How can I be happy, when you’re the one that made me be?

And now you’re nowhere
And I am here
And it’s not fair
That this will never reach your ear

Now you’re gone
So congratulations
I think you won
You broke our relations
      (Happy?)

Today I woke up early and I thought it was important! I thought today would be a day for me to do things that were worth it. I woke up early and I tried hard. I walked around and I asked people questions. I tried to ask questions that were important. I looked at people into their eyes and I tried to actually be present. I ate food and I saw things. It's hard for me to wake up sometimes, actually all the times. I never really want to wake up. I try hard and I work hard but I always forget to ask people questions. I'm not always present. When people are around me and my eyes are open I don't look into their eyes. I don't often think about food and I think eating is inconvenient. I guess I thought today I'd pretend all those things were important. So I woke up early today, I woke up early can you believe it? I woke up early because today waking up was important! I walked around and I asked people questions! I looked at them in their eyes and only saw my reflection. I wished I hadn't woken up early when they walked right past me and didn't answer my questions. I tried eating and pretending that it was convenient, that eating was important. The food tasted like the lie I knew it was; with each bite I felt like I was more a fraud, an actor, an imposter. As if I was someone who could believe I was important. As if I was someone who woke up early and looked at people in the eyes and asked them questions. As if I was someone who felt like a time for food was convenient. Maybe I'm a liar, maybe I'm something more. Maybe people didn't see the truth in my eyes when I met them at their core. Maybe I didn't need to wake up early to have time to focus my gaze. Maybe I don't need to ask people questions to make them see that I'm awake. Maybe none of these things are needed to validate that I'm important. Maybe I'm the one that needs to realize I'm worth it.

She holds the sun in her right hand

And the deepest ocean pours
from her left as a Niagara of
dark expectations

flowing to me with words
that soar and swoop pecking
and clawing

Oh how I need the moon and
pull her close in a feigned kiss
while my hand creeps like a lizard

to set it free like that guy released after
thirteen years waiting for the chair

Oh how that embrace has wrecked me
as a car that followed too close

I pulled her tight to steal
what she had herself snatched
when the stars weren’t looking

Her breath was red wine and I drank
and the weight of her breast on my arm
crushed my resistance

and I loved her again oh as a universe

and let her keep it tucked away

Part of you cradles a star
that's why the Sun loves you

your dust is cosmic
your spirit eternal

the light of your star
a heart made for love

Your pride
comes from
your nationalism,
your patriotism,
rage and dissatisfaction.
You pass each moment
stewing, colluding
with each new oppressor  
in the name of solidarity

Spewing slogans and
other simple statements
oaths and weak ideas
you build a fascist nation
and wonder how you ever got here.