How am I if ever to come to grips
With this world I wished to be dismissed
Like grey sky’s that fill the autumn days
So does the emptiness resound within this hollowed space

Never at all if ever does it turn around
With the inevitable change it brings
Trapped beneath the current
as you begin to drown

The hardest part is not the wading
rather watching others in calm ahead
Laughing at ease
While slowly your suffocating

What shame this has all become
As you ruminate on past mistakes
Validating your sorrow
Justifying your distaste

As you sink ever farther
The blackness surrounds
No more to fight against the current
As slip farther down

To live is to die
To die is to live
What is the point of it all
If it all contradicts

Too much I have seen
And not enough I have known
Watching the atlas spin around
As this fable becomes my own

So much I have wanted for
Any yet soul less I have tried
For this motivation to live
I have yet to find

And wasted away again
As another romance blooms
Crushed under the weight
The affixed clench of this gloom

Like a sailor in the night
Searching for land
No plunder to be found upon me
So alone I must stand

No more do I ever want
To be in such state
However much this world gives
Your defiled as it slowly rapes

However ever much are you to be
All the more you are contrived
Fantasy the only escape
On a plane of exilic defile

Muffled are your breaths unto
Another catatonic night
While you patiently wait for something
Something you will never find

Bewildered in my own dissolution
Never thought It would come to this
As I stare down the barrel of the past 22 years
I can’t seem to find myself to be missed

For so long I have laid
Scattered like a sheet
Like a ghost throughout the hallways
No eyes to ever meet

How much my soul has lust after
She who is not mine
A friend to call upon
In the darkest of my nights

For there is no escape in this entrapment
Which binds me to the bed
Forced to sit and watch others enjoy their pleasantries
While alone in this room I have bled

As I hold out for what may not appear
Gripping on to the edge for I feel it so near
I wait for the sweet caress of the morning to come
Only to arrive at blackening of my very soul

What I begin to lack in empathy
I make up for in shame
So much this has taken out of me
There’s so much I wish to say

As I sit alone in misery
Watching my youth slowly fade
What he gives  
He in turn takes away

For the world has been so callus
Never is anything free
What it rips from your hands
It only replaces with its vile deceit
Nothing more do I want from it
For so long it has remained the same
Take me away from it all
Release me from this state

Forgetting your name
As I forget my own
Left with disdain
Trapped in this home

To be stuck here for days so alone
Transfixed by eloquent dissolution
So my heart is torn

The incandescent light somehow never seemed so alive
Dancing around the halls recedes into my mind
Slowly as the waves begin to unfold
My vision begins to blur as it takes hold  

No fear of tomorrow for there is no room for such
Only the deteriorating laughter at the wall
As I begin to remember I have taken to much
No more can I hear your beckoning call

For what am I but just a mortal being
Sick of himself, weary of feeling
And while others seem to pass merrily by
Shattering ever still as you wait to die

And when apart you can hear it calling you near
Tormenting your soul as you cling to what left
So much it has taken as you slowly crawl back  

Never to care again too consumed with its plight
Takes all that you know leaves you in delight
And while the outside world begins to slowly fade
So I have been left behind in such a state

Longing to be anywhere but here
An endless escape from day
Where the monotony of the morrow disappears
A release from this plague

To my own I must go as I’m tossed into the fold
Amongst the happy faces that seem to shine
Somehow stirs an emptiness in my heart
As I lust after what I search but never find

The days full of hope and love
Two kids grinning ear to ear
Now a bitter decay begins to unfold
As my feelings fade with the passing years

How long must you wait
How long must you hold on
For a dawn that never breaks
Like waves in the passing tide
Now come and gone
Yet it all remains same

Goodbye unkind world
How I wish it wasn’t so
No relief have I found
In my blackened soul

It never seems to relent
And lingers by my side
Some kind of sick fantasy
That plagues your mind

I have held on for so long
And waited for what never came
I’m so sick of staring into the ceiling
There’s no one left to blame

I feel as a scoffer held out on the street
Watching other in delight
While slowly I retreat
But it is not by my choice
That I have met such disdain
No matter how much I attempt
This emptiness seems to hang

And for such times to look back
On the abundant joys that abound
Now seem to fade into oblivion
As I begin to slowly drown

The only time I feel alive
Is that of a revelrous sin
How lonely am I in this room
As liquid drips over my chin

How much I had dreamed
That you wouldn’t find me like this
Please don’t be sorrowed
I have finally found bliss

As time seems to drag on
My days fall to waste
I dream of what was with you
Slowly I begin to break

And what I wouldn’t give
To hear your call
To be by your side
Watching the night give way to a new dawn

To be alone in your company
As your hands lain in mine
To be so close yet so far away
How I am intertwined

Like a boy awoken
The morning of Christmas day
Nervous excitement fills his chest
So have I felt the joy of some heavenly display

And as hard as I try to hold myself back
For I know I am a much to much
I can’t help myself in her wondrous company
Filled with an intoxicating lust

As joyous as it was
How painful is it to be
I slowly fall apart
As I watch you leave

My love is that of a heresy
There’s nothing new in dying now
Just as my dreams fade to memories
I feel myself beginning to drown

Never to see it return
Never can I tell
Goodbye to you my love
See you in hell