What am I
A product of what has been
A member of the future to be
A traveler on a desolate street

For what has remained
Stays still inside
Dominant in its home
Awake in my mind

Shattering ever still
As the florescent lights hung above
Alone in my heart ache
As time aggressively slips by this desolate son  

Peering through the door
Hoping for a glimpse
Of what strikes by my view
Is surely to be missed

For happiness is a fleeting view which takes hold
So it is tragic as you feel the agonizing departure of your soul
And for what cannot be heard is that which is understood  
For what I have felt for a short season is that of my reproof

What I have missed the most has only brought me pain
As I sit alone in the darkness my hands begin to shake
For I have grown old in my youth and not as graciously as I'd hoped
My thoughts feed my own torment like a hand around my throat

For all that I was
In this world of lies
Another product rejection
And an endless defile

Though I wish, it is in vain
And that of nothing new
Crushed under the weight
Of this iridescent blue

Time lingers on an endless array
For just out the window screen
I watch many of my nights turn to days

Alone as you are your mind begins to drift
To thoughts of past pleasures
As it recedes into a darkened abyss
For what you feel is of an other worldly pain
As you hold on for a new season with no coming change

At times it is pleasant as you are soothed
At times it seems as if death is of the only way to break through
Silence fills the air of your odds and end conscious
No speech for days, silence is the only remaining constant

And as you walk down the street on an afternoon strole
Across two lovers you find transfixed in each others hold
Desperation and longing fills the space which that warmth did abound
Slowly a destitute darkness begins to violently resound

For what others have seems lie just out there
Not quite within grasp but in the distance of your stare
And while you dream of days filled with joy and love
Only to be replaced with black vision hovering above

You try and attempt on an odds and ends affair
Only to be tossed out in the cold left with despair
For what is it to try if the outcome remains the same
Who is that upon which should be left to blame

For socialization and true love are that but a dream
Some creation of man to place his mind at ease
For is anyone really filled with such a feeling  
Or is it that my curse upon which all have receded

Who am I but a once was
Another potential that never will
Another thorn in the side of another  
Whilst the world seems to move still

Never to be born again as I was
Rather ****** back into the womb
By an existential forces violent hand
Incased in the product of my own gloom

The outside world seems lie just outside the line
Whilst populations seem to soar with the love and joy that abides
I ever more find comfort in the dark warmth
So much do I loathe finding comfort in such

Never to find a remedy for the monotony taking place
Thoughts become that of which those would make haste
And while alone you find a darker shade of life
You find an ever bleak view in the will to survive

Chase away what I feel
The taste has remained so long
Unsteady are my hands
As the light brings another dawn

What were once picturesque colors
Seems shutter into a dismal display
As darkness wedges into the void
My own shadow lights my way

When an existential plague begins to ensue
So does my heartbreak as I return to you
For heart wrenching as it is quieting my mind
The drone of another day is that which I cannot survive

For breathless I become when pressed to my lips
Slowly the cold is traded for the warm abyss
And though try as I might I cannot gain control
Drawing ever nearer till it has taken hold

And while others shutter at the thought of what takes place
I only begin to rest my weary head upon its solitary state

Racing in my mind on endless plane
As the thoughts of you turn into a bittersweet dismay
The time we spent together and the feelings you awoke
Violently I toss and turn as I begin to lose all hope

And I shouldn’t obsess
But I cannot help but to hear
When her soothing voice resounds
I am forever to be drawn near

Whilst I sit on a shelf alone
Only to entertain the silence
Slowly it creeps into my mind
An everlasting ultraviolet

Though happy at last it was
Were the nights together with you
Now seem to be a hollow oblivion
As my world is filled with a mournful gloom

What I had for a short season
I can only begin to admit
I can’t help but to crumble
As I begin to reminisce

Though I shouldn’t engage
I cannot help but to feel
The best parts of me
Encased in your seal

Like a bear snared in a trap
Wrenching in pain alone
I cannot remove myself from her
As her back slowly turns

What I wish will never be
For the times we shared
And eloquent words spoke
Forever embedded in my mind
As alone I begin to choke

As I watch you depart
I slowly burn inside
With the memories that remain
Nothing left to fear
But a hollow disdain

So haunted am I
In some mysterious haze
As I hear her glorious song
Though the taste is different
It never seems to linger for long

As stagnant as I am
I cannot look away
As you slip off to revelry
And violently swept into another’s gaze

So alone I am to sink
Violently into the night
Holding on to the dead carcass
As I seek what was never mine

For what I want to do I don’t
And what I don’t I do
A part of me is carried of in the distance
Left with the stunning memories of you

Freed from the blackness that fills my nights
Awoken from the nightmares plaguing my mind
For a short stretch only to receive a brief taste
Holding on for I know she must make haste

Like the foggy windows on a summers night
So have I felt the warmth of another
Never wanting to leave her comfort
Never wanting to see the light

Like roses at the peak of their bloom
Only to enjoy briefly till death ensues
Withered away and dying as they are
So am I breaking as we have to part

Joy is a bitter taste
For it never stays to long
You hold on until you are unable
Until it leaves you withdrawn

Am I but just another face
Another notch upon your bed
Scattered amongst the crowd
Overlooked and overdrawn

For if I know what is true
But I wish it were a lie
To face another second
As I feel my dreams die

On my own I must go
For you’ve taken to much
What I wish I would receive
I only gave to another