If I wasn't gay would people care?
Would they actually let me breath the same air?
Could I actually go to school,
without people being so cruel?
Could I live in a world with no hate?
Maybe people would love me if I was straight.
It's not as easy as people think.
I can't just go to a shrink.
I didn't choose to be this way.
You really think I'd want to be gay?
I don't want attention,
I don't want fame.
This isn't some sort of game.
I am who I am and thats okay.
Most people don't see it that way.
I only wish I could be the same.
To have a wedding and it not be shamed.
I want to have kids and not be judged.
I don't want my reputation smudged.
But apparently I'm different now.
Sick in the head somehow.
Therapy and shock treatment for something that can't be fixed.
How did I get put into this mix?
Toxic and tragic,
that's my life.  
It's like I was stabbed in the back with a knife.
I'm gay,
what's wrong with that?
I get treated like some rat.
Using your holy books and your religion.
To fight against something that makes no difference.
I want to be a human not a punching bag.
Always getting called a ***.
Let that word have power and it gets to you.
But that words as good as whatever is stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love being this way.
I don't care what you say.

The reason for my sudden disappearance.*

I will never forget how it felt to be on top of the world. I felt like a mermaid, like the ones that guide the ships through the sea, misleading and ultimately leading many men to their demise.
On the front of our speed boat in the most popular tourist destination in my small town, with the wind blowing through my hair, time stood still. I felt invincible.
Hell, back then I was invincible. Every teenager likes to be a melodramatic little ****, and I was no different.
It was the summer before I started college, the summer where I would depart from all my adolescence and emerge in the adult world.
Right now is where you can mentally insert the sound of a record player being violently stopped.
That summer where I felt on top of the world was the calm before the storm.
Falling off the top of the world hurts, and here I sit with my only friend being Atlas, trying to collect myself.
Who knew there would be a type-writer in hell?

I wish someone would have warned me how rough everything would be. The movies make it out as if the transition between being a child and an adult is smooth and gradual, but for me, that wasn't the case.
I went to bed a child and woke up wishing I hadn't taken the time for granted.

sometimes you're like homework
so confusing
and i just stare at you
absent-mindedly
hating you
yet you're important to me
it's so hard to finish you
and i lose inspiration every now and then
but when i get high as my grades
i come running back to you

i can't wait to graduate from school
get rid of this infatuation
we would be adults by then
and hopefully this mess will be sorted out

You see
A person only truly falls in love
Once in their life time
And once that time is used up
There is no more.
You can lie to yourself
And to others
But if you were truly in love with them
That love cannot be undone.
I am in love.
A love that won't go away
With my best friend.
I fell off
The bridge of love
And into the waters
Where he followed
But his love came with strings attached
A bungee
And he jumped back up
And left me sitting there in the waters
While he's up on the bridge
Calling me up there
While I'm wishing him down here
And I have no bungee.

my knees have grown
a little brittle,
my feet,
a little worn,
my elbows hurt
from tucking them in
tight,
my neck hurts
from not holding it
right,
my shoulders ache
for the burden,
is sometimes just too great
my heart is weary
and often
forlorn,
my soul is silent
I think it too
feels that,
it can't bear anymore.