It's 3am

I'm on the phone
No one's awake and I'm alone

It's 3am

The radio's on
Songs are played on lonely station

It's 3am

I'm in my bed
My eyes are open and sleep has fled

It's 3am

I'm on the balcony
The sky is dark and just quite scary

It's 3am

Some windows have lights
Could they also not sleep tonight

It's 3am

I'm still awake
When will life ever give me a break

when people are in love
they often say
they simply fell
tripped over their own two feet
face forward
and into the arms of their beloved

i did more than simply fall
onto the ground of your love

you, for me
were an ocean
and i dived
headfirst
roughly
harshly
almost painfully
into the waters of “you”

i knew i could not swim
but i did so anyway
i was drowning
entangled in you
surrounded by this being of “you”
engulfed in this feeling of “you”

and i did not know what came over me
but i let myself drown
i did not try to swim back up
because if i went back to land,
releasing myself from your grasp
that would mean losing the feeling of “you”

and after
submerging into the depth
the love
the passion
of “you”

how could i ever leave?

Shatter me.
Into a million pieces if you must.
I am too whole to stand by your side.
Too large to carry with you in your pockets.

So break my soul into shards,
And put me in your favorite things;
Like little horcruxes.

Your headphones.
Your credit-card guitar pick.
Even the color red.

Pour me into anything that you love,
For I want to be loved by you as well.
And I want to be with you,
Wherever you go.

So crumble my heart,
And harden it,
Then use it as a book mark.

Carry it with you,
And I will write lovely things
Onto your pages.

Shatter me.
And love me,
Until I'm not your favorite anymore.

I long for a heart,
but not my own blackened stone.

I long for one that beats,
and pumps blood through a tender body.
One that can sync in time with mine,
and with the rhythm of the music in our ears.

One that can pound alongside mine,
and choose not to leave.
A heart that knows patience
and kindness.

I long for a heart that aches like mine,
in all of the right ways.
A heart that is full of love.

I long for a heart.
Your heart.
But not just your heart,
after all.

I long for you.

The girl exclaims that she is dying on the inside,
knowing that no one believes her.
Who would take something like that seriously,
from just a child?

So she plasters on a smile,
stays quiet,
and acts like she's okay.

But it is futile.
Her porcelain composure will shatter
on the floor.

As she tries to keep the blood filling her mouth,
from seeping through her lips
for everyone to see.

I am that girl.
I close my lips
to hide my crimson-stained teeth.
I pretend I'm not dying.
I pretend anyone cares.

It's funny how
It's easier to open my skin
Then to open my mouth
And ask for help