What if it all turned out fine?
What if you let yourself feel alive?
This hiding and
these walls
aren't helping you keep together
as much as
they have been tearing you apart.

What if it all turned out fine?
What if the next time you open your eyes
you ignite?
After all,
you only get to have one life.
Keep believing,
you have the power to move on from your strife.

Suddenly it all became real
like with the tick of a clock
it's a new day, into our final month
and I'm already feeling the loss
as if any time together is already gone.
Trust me, I don't want to feel this way,
like you're already gone,
like I don't want to be here at all.
Today is the best day I've had so far;
but I'm still sitting and smiling,
choking on my thoughts,
swallowing my pain and suffering
because the damage has already been dealt.
Nothing I can do could keep you around,
at least not without me pinning you down,
leaving me guilty for making you miss out.
At least you're here now,
but life without you is all I've been thinking about
and I can hardly focus on the good knowing it soon will go south.

Goodness tonight I feel so alone
-but not as alone as ever.
As the tiny droplet of emotion gave to gravity
and fled my space
I couldn't help but appreciate
my ability to feel.
Once, I'd felt so lost
I hadn't even known myself
so in these broken moments I'd lie
expressionless to time
as my world would pass me by.
If I'd felt anything at all
it was sorry for myself,
the little broken bell.
I hadn't realized at the time
you cannot break what's not been built
so I suffocated in my sadness
and mourned the loss of my breaking shell
before growing into my newest form.
So as the tear dries into my face
I'm thankful for life as it is today
and I swallow my ego
knowing everything will be okay.

A universe contained within every brain
with knowledge only the self can contain,
a lifetime collection of experiences
-nature nurturing and tuning us all
into individual instruments.
We play the orchestra of existence unknowingly,
each mind playing its part.
A symphony of song and silence;
don't we all just want somebody
to swim inside our souls?
Our interior is isolation,
so no person can truly know our depths.
Whether swimming in our shallows
or diving through the chasms,
your universe is only meant for you.

Clean break, freight train
time goes on and on and on
and people move along.
Memory collectives
and iron pumps
things will happen as they're meant to
but that will never change
post-stamped scriptures
captured in Polaroid pictures.
The heartbreak will fade
as painful as it is today
time is on our side
tomorrow isn't far away
and in this moment
as the ice breaks
like splinters ripping into veins
I tell myself
I'm no longer drowning
and everything will be okay.

In his eyes, an ocean
     an oasis
     the epitome of my dreams
     my love is devastatingly perfect
     and his absence brings me to my knees
     luckily, his light lives in me
     I may be bested by his charm
     but he brings me along
     I am a piece to his puzzle
     his treasure, his loving endeavor
     he is in the air I breathe
     he is everything to me.

Fragments of self, long lost
   not forgotten
are finding their way back to me
through the crevices
of the hidden parts of the darkness of my mind.

There's no escape
from the embrace of the character
born from the embers of my experiences
...and on days like today
it isn't an escape that I crave
so much as for it to at least feel okay.

I guess I think so
     highly of you
that I wonder how
     a person like you
     could ever love me.
Yet here I am
     -learning
learning to love me
     and perhaps
after all, I am worthy.

As if time exists only in the mind
the wind grasps lofty organics
gently dancing with gravity,
a romance delicately practiced.

Eternity may be what it takes
to tune nature to perfection.
Sun-kissed and free-falling
love isn't in the air,
love is the air.

The leaves, like the birds,
eventually take their leave from the trees
in unison, the most beautiful of dreams.

To be a spectator is a blessing,
living is our chariot
and so we ride.
We ride day by day
and into night
solemnly and with delight.

Autumn is upon us at last.

This reality sometimes taken for granted
makes the little things easy to miss
but pausing and taking a moment
to listen with soulful eyes
to a melody carefully crafted
through generations of evolutionary bliss
presents a grand masterful experience,
one worth cherishing whole-heartedly.

One I'd never seek to miss.

Falling, not frantically
like the rain
eager to transition
from heavens to a lower state

Falling, not gracefully
like autumn leaves
slowly disintegrating
in a chilled breeze

Falling, with taste
as the seasons change
from heat and exhaustion
into a snug embrace

Falling, with no warning
into pools of blue
windows to another world
reveal I'm falling for you.

You loved me for my potential,
for that sparkle in my eye that told you
I could be your prize,
the gem you'd hoped existed.
You fed me words of wisdom,
as well of food and drugs and love;
the recipe of your feat,
hoping I would chrysalis and bloom
to the version of me you wanted
but I didn't,
And I never again have heard from you.

I could wallow even under a cerulean sky
And mask myself with accomplishment
But still in all of the beauty there is,
the absence of you blankets all of the good.
Your entity lies heavy and covers the earth
You'll never be nothing but a memory
because you meant everything to me.

Gifted from birth, abandonment
conceptually and in actuality
bestowed at once a curse which lasts infinitely.
With it she has learned to cope, to even grow
for that life without it she can never know.
The language of loss her native tongue
she'll push the world away and cry that it's gone.
The question being, is it really her fault?
As she implodes on the aftermath
of karmic justice served cold
she catatonically awaits some kind of change
subconsciously taking comfort in the usual pain,
yet this time she won't be running away
to set up shelter in another's healthy home
only in due time to set the place ablaze.
No, that was never what she wanted,
not the first time, especially now.
She wants a solid and forever place to go,
for once to know of that place called home,
a place of her own.
No defence for dishonor,
not seeking dismissal for discretions
maybe misery is her home, as she withers into truth.

Wading in a world of dreams
all my walls are falling,
breaking at the seams.
Before having the chance to even see
everything is changing
furthermore transforming
but it feels like everything is right
this is how it was meant to be.
Fighting the current is just as hopeless
as flowing with the stream
and thinking it will never end.
Eternity is infinity
held within a second
or a million
depending on what you think.

Challenged by the perfect encounter,
you occupy a trying side of my fragile mind.
What's better, a memory
or an opportunity
is left for the future to decide
as the reel of our time together repeats, fast forwards, and rewinds.

It's been a long, cold, lonely winter
the only incandescence being hijacked effervescence.
Frothy nights ending in the embrace of a stranger's hand,
blacked out, wasted,
another set of lips I wish I'd never tasted.
Welcome spring, summer,
fondness for the same old thing.
God, I'm so alone
barricaded behind bad decisions
chasing more, just to complain.
Oh how I need to change.

A heavy heart, --- and
a broken spirit,
a vile recipe to delinquence.
A soiled fruit,
she bows her head in shame.

An eager dreamer, ---and
a spirit seeker,
an enigmatic approach to love.
A frozen sapling,
she rises to the sun.

Features like a delicacy
All alluring, a soul subduing smile
A radiance longed for a lifetime
With her unpursed sultry pout
The kind men dream about
Eyes upon eyes, she shines
Mirror images of all their desires
Oh how she emanates grace
Carelessly paired with perfect charm
Whatever could go wrong?

Like a siren, she'll lead them on
Luring victim after victim down
With her ethearal darkness
A cunning beast, she feasts
On the souls of mortal goodness
And not deliberately
It's just the nature of her being
Stone-cold, but not heartless
She caves to her desires
And mourns each of her losses.