I was addicted to you;
you were allergic to me.

i make my approach,
mimicking plaintive movements
of the colossus
cloud structures migrating
across serene vastness.
-----their blue plains
-----are my green plains;
-----their source
-----is my source.
i see a silhouette
wandering on far off hill:
i wonder...
the crows leave no trace in the air.
their cawing has caught my heart
like a hook would a fish.
the unrelenting wind at my back
will not have me turn back:
i am promised to the forest.
at the edge of the trees
is a grave, modestly
marked by a small wooden cross:
perhaps it is my grave.
i enter ungracefully
into a forgotten kingdom of grace
ravaged.
the earth, so full of life,
is carpeted with death:
brown leaves crunch beneath my boots.
the webs of ivy i traverse make me feel unwelcome.
elsewhere, on trees fallen
and others not yet so,
merciless ivy and giant vines constricting.
elsewhere, the singing of birds unseen
in beauty.
the whispers of trees are
earth shattering, soul cleaving:
freeing me from my confines concrete.
everything that does not seem still
trembles—
do i seem still?
the trunks of trees are robust like my being;
i look up, their high reaches sway playfully,
gently,
as sun rays gain entry also
and remind me of my duties
which i am gift to.
it's true, my dear Emerson:
perpetual youth is found in the woods,
but we mustn't tarry too long.

i grow tired of my repetitions
i grow tired of
well, you know.

Lately I have been searching for inspiration
Waiting patiently in the corner of my bedroom
I trail the walls, paint them different color in my mind
Wonder if I can write about change
I stand back in Times Square
Gaze at the lights, follow the people, count their footsteps
I wonder if I can write about the city
Then I find myself checking my phone
Email overflowing, social media always the same
And your name
I wonder if I can write about you
And I can, but I know it is only empty words
Because I know you won't read them

I'm searching every single place
turn every corner and hope to see your face
been trying to find you, but I just don't know
so where do the broken hearts go
they say they know how I feel
and somehow its my fault that it was my heart you chose to steal
you tore me apart but I kept my mouth shut
my only weakness is that I care too much
it hurts to see you smile when I'm in pain
but everyone else just thinks I'm insane
when you ask I'll always say I'm fine
yet secretly I wish you were still mine
I'm forced to see you almost everyday
I watch you as you walk away
I wish you would hold me like you used to
I wish you cared as much as I do
finally came out of my shell
now the price I pay is pure hell
so now my heart is finally dead
all because you got into my head
and though I don't let it show
I'm dying really slow
you stole my heart
then you ripped it apart
I look down and watch the blood flow
I finally know where the broken hearts go

you scoff as he rubs wings into my shoulders
and life into my mouth
i am free with him
he has cupped me in his hands like a butterfly
let me go so many times
but i come back
(because i was always his in the first place)

i wonder why you want to be tied around his wrist like a balloon
don't you have feelings, too
perhaps children cry when they let go of the string
up
up
into the sky
(too selfish to understand that you would be happy if you could just fly)