People told me
       "get over it"
I tried.

People told me
       "get better grades"
I tried.

People told me
       "stop being so quiet"
I tried.

People told me
       "you look tired, get more sleep"
I tried.

People told me
       "just **** yourself already"
I'm trying.

A broken mirror,

A bleeding fist,

A sliver blade against a wrist,

Tears falling down to lips unkissed,

Ignore her and she won't exist,

She's not the kind you'll come to miss..

I walk the face of earth once more,
a mindless puppet, my strings are torn.
the creaky bones, the bad eyesight,
yet the chance to turn wrong to right.
wars-a-waging, old mans guilt,
the worlds now on more then just a tilt.
parents weeping, children slain,
****** thoughts, fear will reign.
I look in the shadows, a creature did lurk,
he whispered to me, hiding a smirk.
"Thou shalt be killed if thee can't find,
the demon lurking in thou mind."
So off I ventured, to quench my thirst,
of corpses piled with hearts-a-burst.
And on that quest what did I see?

The monsters my parents warned me about, when I was younger weren't under my bed..or in my closet..but they were in my head.

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you!

No one really knows how I honestly feel,
Daily I think of ways to **** myself,
And I have to fight that off,
Yet it never goes away,
No one knows I paint on my smile for school,
And for the public,
But I get home in my room,
And I brake,
And thinking "no one understands"
I really am just ready to let my thoughts..
win..

Sometimes,
I think about all that I have done
and gone through
that no one even knows about
and I get sad thinking that
no one will ever know
about all these things that
make me, me
but then I think
maybe its best that these things
die with me
maybe that's not such
a bad thing..

Will you still love me,
When its three in the morning,
And I'm crying so hard I can't breathe?

Will you still love me,
When I coat pillows in mascara and eyeliner?

Will  you still love me?
When I shut you out,
And won't explain to you why,
Because I don't want to bring you down?

Will you still love me,
When I can't handle being strong,
And I find relief in razors,
Instead of your arms?

Well I got my hoodie today,
And I broke,
Maybe it is for the best,
But yet why does it hurt so bad,
I am just so tired,
Tired of trying,
Tired of faking,
Tired of sleepless nights,
Tired of caring,
Tired of being alone,
Tired of breathing,
Tired of living,
Most of all,
Tired of being Tired.
Like ****.

Once there was a broken girl,
That fell for a sweet girl,
And she became her sun, her light, her everything,
And the flower on earth,
She loved her more then every grain of sand,
Her favorite books,
Lazy Sundays,
Baggy sweaters,
And even more then all the scars on her body,
But nothing last forever,
And she left her,
Like everyone else,
The girl then learned,
You must love yourself first,
Because your happiness,
Can not rely on other people,
Because as quickly as they come,
They go don't let them fool you,
There once was a broken girl,
That fell for a sweet girl,
And she took he sun, her light, her everything..

Sometimes I feel all alone,
Because God sent him home.
We used to be so close,
But I miss him the most.
I used to ask him for prayer,
But now it's as he's not even here.
When he stepped on Heaven's shore,
Oh how he couldn't love God more.
He opened the door,
He kissed the floor.
We can talk about God all day,
And the memories we have will never fade away.
I shed a tear every night,
I tell God and my Grandpa goodnight.
Life had it's ups and downs,
But you turned life all around.
Cancer ate him alive as he tried to survive,
Someday we all have to die,
Now he's a beautiful angel up in the sky.
I know you're in a better place,
But I can't wait till I can see your face.
I know you're watching over me and guiding me in everything I do.
The prayers you prayed, and the things you did,
I want to say thank you and I love you

Only if you knew,
If you knew how much I want to be friends,
Be friends with that silver beast,
That silver beast tonight,
Tonight just a few slits,
Slits on my wrist,
My wrist, to my thigh,
Just from my thigh to my sides,
On my sides, Up and Down,
From up and down,
To side to side,
Only if you knew,
If you knew how much I want,
I want to be friends,
Be friends with that silver beast tonight,
Tonight is the night just a few slits,
A few slits on my wrist, To my thighs,
From my thighs to my sides...
Only if you knew..

She paints a pretty picture
But all of the ink has run red
This picture is of a ****** battle
That is going on inside her head

She paints a pretty picture
Of a girl in a dress and heels
The mirror shows a skeleton
But still she skips another meal

She paints a pretty picture
But nobody has seen it yet
It is of a shiny razor
That makes her sleeves red and wet

She paints a pretty picture
Of an angel in the sky
That didn't see the point of life
And now they all whisper "suicide"

Now I paint a pretty picture
It's all in black and white
Our memories and childhood dreams
Still I wonder why she took her life

remember this

When
                                              i say that i
                                             hate myself
                                             i don't want
                                              you to say
                                                   that i
                                   am beautiful and great
                                i know   that i am not   any of
                                that        i am me and    that
                                is the      problem i am   going
                                to be       the problem      until
                                 the       day that i die      which
                                 i do      hope is soon        and    
                                 if it        works, I''m so      sorry
                                 that          i couldn't stay     and
                                  that        i couldn't have    been
                                  any        happier­    believe    me
                                   I            tried so     hard to   be
                                                 strong       but i
                                                 fear            i can't
                                                 keep          this
                                              ­   lie up         any
                                                  more       ­   i am
                                                  so, so         sorry
                                                  but i            just
                                               ­    want          to die
                                                  please     ­      let me.

One thing you did teach me, Even if you promise me a forever a million times, it's not true.

Realizing that you're worth it..
Experiencing real happiness..
Caring about yourself..
Over coming your own demons..
Validating your worth..
Eating without regret..
Relapse- it's going to happen, it's inevitable and that's okay..
Yearning to live..

As I walk through life,
I look at all I have done.
I had wandered aimlessly,
And wondered what I have become.

I have been through so much,
It is amazing I made it through.
The lessons I have learned
I am shocked I pulled through.

The times I wondered
What life was all about.
The trials experienced in life,
Can make all the good come out.

We try to make it day by day.
Remembering what we were taught.
Just remember some time to pray,
It is important,
We need it every day.

Life can be short.
Unexpected at that.
We try to take its punches,
Just hoping it won't break our back.

Remember who you are,
Who you want to become.
Everything will fall into place,
When the time comes.

Don't forget I love you's,
Every chance you get.
The time may be short,
There is no time to regret.

Life can be exciting,
As we all have found out.
Eventful, even busy
There is no time to be left out.

Remember who you are,
And who you want to become.
The time can be short
Don't leave things undone.

Remember your families,
They are the only ones you've got.
To carry you in times of need
They can not be bought.

Remember they love you,
Either here or there.
They will always be with us.
Help for things to bear.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall
was I always meant to fall?
roses white and dying light
silver's sweet forgiving bite
she'll ask "why"
no answers found
and i'll rot deep
beneath the ground.

Everyone have scars that,
they don't want to talk about,
Mine?
they are just on my body,
as well as in my head...

School makes me sick,
You get up and get dressed,
In the clothes you think someone there will like,
You get up and do your makeup,
So people say you're pretty,
But that's not you,
That's you're makeup,
School makes me sick,
You get up and do you're hair,
Hoping someone will realize it looks different,
School makes me sick,
You don't  eat because no one can see you,
You have to hide your cuts,
Who and what you love,
School makes me sick,
Popular people,
Lame people,
Rich people,
Poor people,
Freaks,
Cute people,
School makes me sick.

Self harm,
Self harm isn't just cutting,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just you hate yourself,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just starving,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just burning,
Self harm,  
Self harm isn't just beating,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't always your fault,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't always there fault,
Self harm,
Self harm doesn't always lead to suicide,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't something proud,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just because you have depression,
Self harm,  
Self harm isn't just because you have anxiety,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just because you take medicine,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just because you have pain,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't something to brag about,
Self harm,
Self harm is not something to do for attention,
Self harm,
Self harm isn't just purging,
Self harm,
Don't harm it's addictive...

She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
See the way she looked at the ground,
The way she always frowned,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
Where her wrist look like bars,
Where her thighs look like a picture,
Where her sides look like a war,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see,
The way she cried herself to sleep,
The way she did a fake smile,
Then glance at the ground,
Didn't you see,
She is long gone,
Didn't you see the way she begs for help,
Didn't you care?
Well you didn't see soon enough,
Because She is long gone,
And as in she I mean *me

And i bet you didn't know,
That she cries herself to sleep EVERY,
night thinking of you,
Replaying everything you ever said,
Everything you ever did,
And wondering where she went wrong.

Your lips so soft and red,
the thought of kissing you is stuck in my head.
Your beauty so bright and warm,
shinning through the darkest storm.
Your eyes sparkle like stars in the night sky,
when I stare into them I feel like I am soaring high.
My love for you is pure and true,
I never stop thinking of you.
The sound of your voice saying "I love you" makes my heart pound
because I knew I'd truly found my one and only.
I promise to love you for every moment of forever
and when everything else crumbles, I will never.
I am your armor to protect you from harm,
like you are to me, a lucky charm.
For you are my heart, my soul,
baby you are my whole world.

Leave,
Stay,
Leave,
Stay,
Leave,
Stay,
Happy,
Sad,
Happy,
Sad,
I don't ******* know anymore you do it, it'll be easier..

Today Is the day,
My monster is released,
The silver beast,
Yet to believe you were once part of me,
Your love I still bare,
But yet, was it love?
I have scars,
That **** loved ones,
So was it really love that I bare?
Today is the day I am finally free,
From the silver beast,
That cut parts of me,
There for my silver beast,
Is yet released..

Your smile.
    Your eyes,
       Your lips,
         Your hair,
           Your voice,
             Your laugh,
               Your hands,
                 Your smirk,
                   Your teasing,
                     Your humor,
                       Your weird faces,
                         The way you walk,
                           The way you say my name,
                             The way you look,
                               The way you talk,
                                 Your singing,
                                   Your body,
                                     *You

You can scream but no one hears you,
As you sit and mock in disdain,
The blood seeps down your arm
As your crying out loud in pain,

The broken glass beside the bath,
The water turning red,
Laying down in a ****** puddle,
Trying to rest your head.

You can hear your family laugh
As you say your last words
Feeling as high as the sky,
Flying away with the birds..

The pain is going away now
And you can't help but hear
You're mum crying next to you..
In hurt and fear.

You try to speak,
But nothing comes out...
You know your going away
You're never going to live with doubt.

As you feel death coming near
You hear her say "I love you"
As you slip in to a permanent sleep
You reply with I love you too...

She is slowly,
Slow slipping away,
And there for I,
I am slowly dying,
They are slowly taking her away,
Yet she don't see it,
Me seeing her,
Her cry kills me,
Because I could,
Could brake into tears,
As well but,
I have to stay strong for her,
I love you,
And I'm sorry..

Put a smile on your face,
You're always looking so sad,
It makes everyone around you,
Sad as well,
but
Instead of that,
Why not say,
Why do you look so sad,
Is something wrong,
Do you want to talk,
Are you okay,
A smile looks good on you,
Try it out beautiful?
Not always about you and other people,
Because just what you don't know is that,
They could be hiding so much more then just that smile,
That you claim you never see,

Sometimes,
It's better to keep silent,
Than to tell others what you feel,
Because,
It hurts badly when you come to know that,
They can hear you,
But can not understand.

Sometimes,
It's better to keep silent,
Than to tell others what you feel,
Because,
It hurts badly when you come to know that,
They can hear you,
But can not understand.

Yes I do, I believe,
That the only day I will be where I was,
Right there, next to you,
And it's hard, The days just seem so dark,
The moon, the stars are nothing without you,
You touch, your skin, where do i begin?
No words can explain the way I'm missing you,
Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside,
These tears, they tell their own story,
Told me not to cry, when you were gone,
But the feelings overwhelming, it's much too strong,
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you,
And make sure you're alright,
I'll take care of you,
I don't want to be here if I can't be here with you tonight,
I'm reaching out to you,
Can you hear my call,
This hurt that I've been through,
I'm missing you, missing you like crazy,
Told me not to cry, when you were gone,
But the feelings overwhelming, it's much too strong,
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you,
And make sure you're alright,
I'll take care of you,
I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight,
Lay me down tonight, lay me by your side,
Lay me down tonight, Lay me by your side,
Can I lay by your side, Next to you, you-ou.

Last time I ate: Yesterday around 12:30
Last time I cut: Two days ago.
Last time I purged: Two days ago.