I bleed
And I cut
Every inch of your lust
You make me want to die inside
You make me cry on my way home
You made me flip 3 times
Why do I
Get found by men like you
Men that like to pull thread through your needle
I wish I could stab it into you

The couch, so soft
My foot is stuck
Between the pillows
You forgot to fluff

Twilight moon
Cool brisk air
Your hand in my hair
Your hand, too soon
Begrudgingly
I walk by your side
It doesn't feel right
Like surgery
I'd love to be your *****
I don't like you
But I want to
Is there anything more

Needle in the hay
Heart in my chest
My soul defrosts
The more you toss out
I like to collect
The pennies you throw
Crossed all the bridges
I still can't say no

Everyone but you and me
I'm tugging at my dignity
I play the part so carefully
So you can't control me
I know everyone calls it flirting
But I call it working
And it's working

You
**** up
And I
Forgive
And I
Don't know why
You always
Ruin my day
And still I give you my soul
Low self-esteem
I suppose

Broken
Door
Handle
My heart on a string
Dangling dangling
Crashing with each swing
And me on your chain
And me on your chain
Window
Won't
Open
Rocking rocking
Back and forth a beat
And me at your feet
And me at your feet

Water
Fountain
Rose
Garden
Jesus
Crosses
On the lawn
I can see you
In your swing
Back and forth
To and from

Eyes wide
Looking up at you
On my knees
I do what I'm supposed to

My
Aches
Ache
I
Ache
For you
To shake
Me
Into
Two
The way you do
When you pull me
So rough
Into
You

Thank you
For always
Noticing
I'm bipolar
Especially in the middle of fights
Or when I'm hurt
Or when I have a problem
It's the absolute greatest thing to hear
You're just bipolar
Anytime I feel emotional
Because it's an inconvenience and interruption to your constant one man parade
I never bring it up
It's an embarrassment
The only thing I inherited from my dad's side.
I am an heir to the need to constantly ****, forget to eat, and ruin every relationship that comes around.
But there are some good things too
But you don't see those
Because you're marching down the street twirling a baton in front of your herd of elephants
Oh how many times
Have i heard
You say
You cant listen to me
Or focus on me
Because you have
ADD

I
Can't
Wait
To have my blood on your hands
I
Can't wait
To shake
And tremble
Beneath you
I can't wait
To lose all of my control
And give it all to you

Warm winter day
Volleyball
***** socks
Too much makeup
Your foot on my arm
The girl who can't stop spinning
A cacophony of gossip
Coffee on the porch
Too many pills
Trips to the store
Hiding cigarettes
Hiding lighters
Can I use yours yet
Crying because of husbands
Spending because of husbands
Handsy uncles
Handsy aunts
More coffee?
Yes. please.
How's your job
It's the best.
I get love and love and love
No regrets
Competition
**** waving
Sunday night
Driving home

Whirling around
Buzzing
The sound
Of the interstate
Muffles out the train
Pouring through my bathroom vent
The roar
The
Ex
Plo
Sion
The time for work sound
The I never would've thought it was you
It's always you
And when I think of you
You appear
And I really do want you
Because you want me

A golden cage set out for me
But only me
I go willingly
I wait for the back of your hand
Longingly
I wait to be grabbed and pushed and pulled
by you
For you
I go home after being with you
And I'm soaked from mere conversation
I know it's wrong
I know it's a step backwards
But I can't help from touching

Fan buzz
Dryer tumble
High tide
Low tide
Crash along the shore
I don't love you anymore

Nicotine walls
Tarot cards on your desk
Cigarettes in a row
Whiskey on your breath
You just don't feel love
You're waiting for death
All the hair you cut off
To put in your spells
Is catching up to you
Now that you're in hell
And all the bruises you gave
We're given to you first
By man after man and woman since birth
It's a shame and it's sad
Of what came to be
Egg shells on your floor would break if you'd breathe
And I know it's hard to live in such tension
And the road that leads to hell is paved with good intentions

The first time I saw you I wasn't impressed
But I'm so much like you I couldnt help it
I crawled into you and wore you around
I made you my pet
I made you my home
I tell you so much
More than I'm allowed
How much I miss you and want you around
And I know it's not right
Though you tell me it is
And I know that my heaven would be your kiss
I know that you'd hit me and throw me around and I know you'd love to hear me fall to the ground
And I'd give it to you
If only I could
But they say you're just a traumatized boy from the hood

You give me things
And he's just a boy
You want a ring
He wants a toy
But when I close my eyes
At night
I love him

Jelly beans
In a bowl
On a table
Next to you
Wish I could
Take a handful
Throw them all
At the window
Sitting cold
Reflecting through
All the sun
Shines on the floor
And the chairs
You need a broom

I've slept on the couch
And floor
And bed
I want more
From you
I want to
Milk you dry
I want to twist you
And **** you
And *******
And pretend

**** and
I
N
  H
   A
    L
      E
One two three
Breathe out
I'm still crying
But I've stopped
T r E m b L I nG

I can still see you sitting outside
Next to me
Talking
I wish I could

Tell me something new
But everything stays the same
And I still worship you
I wish that we could play this game
If they only knew
The way you make my head spin now
They would come unglued
All I do is think of how
Good I look on you
Fade away and come back in
To red and black on blue
you're the best I've ever seen
At making me feel new
Like something from a story book
Hit on me, won't you
So I can feel your love
Like you want me to
I always listen to you baby
That's how I got you
I never want to change a thing
Except to not want you
But everything stays the same

Sliding between my thighs
Should I say no now or later

Beat me
Like it's Christmas Eve
And my bra is showing
Beat me
Because I don't listen
Give me a black eye
for my charm bracelet
Beat me
Twist my hair
Twist my neck
Tell me I'm nothing
Until my bones break

I can feel the cold
Coming off of my skin
You
******* whatever you can dream
Indoor fantasies
So much freedom being free
Ice melting in my mouth
Ice melting in your mouth
Fields of green
Fields of you
A trumpet sounds
Tearing my pregnant heart in two

Hole in my chest
Unfertilized eggs
Empty room
Empty future
You do nothing
All I do is spin and spin and spin

You can have
Your cake
And you can eat it
too
And I will
Move on
Away
From what was me and you
And on summer nights
When I am wanting you
I'll **** somebody else

Chains on my neck
This isn't what I expected
Fruit at my feet
And I have to pick it
The days that have passed
The hands on the clock
Don't tick for me any longer

In the middle of the table
Fried chicken
Waiting for the yelling to stop
Should I eat yet?
Dim lit room
Nicotine paint
Fried chicken

Dark nights
Embers
And
Merit ultra lights
Your try
Is lower than my
Eyes
Hello
I'm crying
On the phone
Can I carve my heart out of your sandbox yet?

Shaking
From the curl of my toes
Since I was 6 years old
This is just culture
This is just a
Rite of passage if you will
Watch me dance
And twirl
I'm your girl
I'm the best girl
Daddy's girl for all but daddy kind of girl
Wash me in the sink
Pound my head against the drain
Until I bleed
Can you see me anymore

I just wish
I didn't spin
in circles
I just wish
I wasn't so dumb
Fall into your arms
Spread my legs
I just wish
I didn't get wet
every time I hear your
Name

So wet
Are my thighs
After talking to you
All afternoon
And night
And even as
Repulsive as I find you
I can't help but ***
Upon hearing your name

Aggressive
Like the door I can't shut
Like the call I can't take
Like the money he pays
Like the way he talks
Like his stare
Like the kiss I can't stop

Why tangerine?
Because it's the glow of your smile
It engulfs you
It warms you
It creates a flow around you that only I can taste
My baby
So sweet
And a tongue for you and a tongue for me
Licking sweet treats til each other bleeds
I miss you so

I like to swim
In
Doors
Of coffee filled rooms
I dream of you
And God you
Feel
Like
Brand new shoes

I see my hand in the sand
Reaching for a bottle to break over your head
Have you ever met a soul so detached and ungrateful
You say I entangle my words tight enough to choke you
If that's true, please choke and swallow
I have bruises all over my soul and they tick and they tock and they manifest when you talk
Ans I'm so tired of saying sorry

You tear my heart in two
I tear yours too
Seventeen

On the Southside
It's humid
Even in winter
It has its own air
It's own feel
On the Southside
everything is español
And when trash blows down the street it's illuminated and mystical
They shake your hand and look down your shirt
In the Southside the music is better and the food is cheaper but the nights are colder and feelings feel deeper
I feel like a ***** when I walk through
But I've never felt more at home

Joe McCormick never lies
He's honest
And caring
He carries good vibes
He tells us his stories
And takes lots of shrooms
He tells us he loves us but he's not in the mood
I cut myself open and say look at me
You're the dad I never had
You're the calm in all my dreams
Joe McCormick barely works
But he has alot of degrees
He writes until he's bored and then he smokes some ****
He misses California
He misses LSD
But now he's married and aging
Hoping no one sees

Have a little dignity
Or weep a little song
Of failure
As I sink into morbidity
Inject me full of hope
While I find a **** to ****
I could be mute
As long as I let you in my thighs

Dark and cold
I saw a ladder
Towering so high
My neck, it broke
Power and status waved down to me
As I climbed onto your empty body
So gold and friendly at the top
I just have to get up up up
While you stroke down down down
I just have to hold tight
and hide my frown
Tongue like a tack
**** causes laughter
Staring at the floor
Waiting for after
Tile that hugs
Walls that judge
I'm ready to climb back down

Fine trees of cotton white
On roads made of oil
No dreams grow here
No papers there
Swimming isn't real
I heard you say a name
In your sleep
Up here, trees don't grow
Eyes on mine
Houses shiver when it's cold
I know

Talking to my self again
I know you're not that knew to me
I can see through all 4 doors
Not looking right threw my windows
I have seen you cry alot tonight
I've never felt so bored
But now I hear the train
And I can't sleep
Toss and turn
My brains too weak
Walking home
I hit the floor
I can't feel my bones anymore

What good is pretty when you're trapped in a box
The earth starts shaking and your nails keep growing
They're always watching you twist and throw up
The bed is always white and there's nicotine yellow walls
I used to think about you when I was laying in the floor
I thought that maybe rain would fall and the lock would fall off the door

All I want to do is be with you
And my mind dances with what ifs
And my mind dance with lies and truths
And my mind dances
All I want to do is stop thinking of you
But my soul aches for you
And my soul yearns and burns and twists and breaks
For you
I feel like we are 1 in 2
I feel like I was meant for you
And I feel too much
And I touch too much
And I want too much
But all I want is you

Evening
I see you've already gone to bed and that's alright
You leave me
Wanting more but I know that we'd just fight
And I think
You'd like to watch the acid eat my skin

Incredible
Are your eyes
And your face between my thighs
Take me where we can hide and ride and fight and lose sight of all the things you fail to tell me
Always doing something wrong
Always looking for another high
And you won't entertain me