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Ayesha May 2021
For you, on whose
Oil painted skin the stars did sleep
For you again,
Who wept, wept in vain

I’d tie a butterfly to the unwavering sky
If only as a frail worm to
lure the fish
But did we not swear to leave the winged
alone?

Yet, there they are
Causing a reckless havoc
Trying to tear open the blue
And I’d shoot them down
But the ground is ours you see

Wounded and bleeding
The dying, as a fish, squirms
A broken spear pinning him in place

And I will keep on burning this dirt
To bricks
One betrothed to other
With cement,
Your own strange creation
The one you pour out your flutes
And pluck out them strings
Like fresh born weeds
dried and crushed

Songs upon songs
We set free up the yonder

But here is a bubble that will not be butchered
Like our sacrificial blooms
Ripened and fat,
This untouched pomegranate
Ravages itself

Long did our labor weave tales out ruin
To build us a shell
Within which we now reside

Unhatched

How do we do? It is pretty
A sight
The sky chokes on dirt and dirt
Drowns in the blue
Time, a trapped moth, flutters about
It collides around in its blind frenzy
And will not settle

I keep on
Painting our dry clouds
Birds still peck at gleaming stars
And you
You live, live in vain
06/05/2021

I painted yesterday. After about a year.
That's something, ******.
Ayesha May 2021
There is a sadness within me
That will not go away
Too young I am
To fathom her hues
But she will not go away

Instead, I feel her claw out my hands
My arms, my back, my uneven hair
She settles in the seedlings
And climbs up the vines
Hangs by the ceiling
And teases with her dangling legs

She eats the colours
Out of every song I dare to play
And will drink nothing
But the unflavoured hours

I do not know—
She is like a sun-kissed child
Jumping around
She wants a taste of all my scents
Leaves me scentless in return
I watch— I watch
She keeps scribbling verses
Over my messy drawings

I am sick of concealing her
Behind delirious words
And glamourised tales
She asks me if I am ashamed
no— not ashamed
just— I do not know

She is like a wide-eyed kitten
Ecstatic and restless
And will not be grasped
Will not be caged
Will not be butchered

The plants keep dying—
The plants keep dying and
days pile up
I watch— I watch
She will not go away
30/03/2021
Ayesha Apr 2021
This chalice of night
that I carry around
I’ll surrender to you
as a shackled slave
--
Love me an apocalypse
Love me asunder
Your long ebbed serenity
does little to allure me

What is chastity
if not another name
Another anklet tinkling
above the goat’s hooves

the goats, the lambs

So many have you dragged
through the chattering streets
As gazes ***** their skins open
So may have you quietened
--
Love me a massacre
Love me fanatic
My sweet ashen purity
is too frail a goddess

So long have I beautified
this altar that I bear
The blooms now sing
of pleas long dried
And gore sleeps soundly
in cracked stones

A lamb, a lamb follows
Another treads on behind
Carved out of my own bright flesh
Stilled with blades chanting
my name
--
Love me a mayhem
Love me turbulent
The tinkles still linger
long dead the screams

Let them now

Bring on the maidens
and bring on their men
Let begin the ritual
Let spurt out the dark

Let tinkles dance
above ashen blooms
Let lambs be smothered
beneath tumbling stones
Let none be silenced
Let echo the songs

I do not wish for quiet now
--
Love me an apocalypse
Love me asunder
You, a darkness within
I, a crumbling altar
--
This chalice of night
That I carry around
I carved and filled out
my own bright flesh

I do not wish for quiet now

Yet you love me so
You, a darkness within
I, a sacrificial lamb—

(this came off as so emo what the ****)
Ayesha Apr 2021
There is a plummeting within me
I reckon not unlike tumble ****
in a lone, stranded desert

That of violence
so long silenced
That of anger, and hail storms
upon freshly blossomed hyacinths

a smothered baby bird
or a tree towed down
Repressed,
the twigs and shrivelled seedlings
cry out
and dry gusts hear
One upon other lunges

And I, them weeds—
them weeds— and more,
a deafening brawl

Rolled, as wool, into an orb
That laughs an unkept,
dimming painting
Jumps over rocks
this wicked, rotten child,
And descends under still

Perhaps—
A brick that stumbles out the wall of my skull
and down my depths,
it begins to explore

The den
where an injured bird
snores bleeding
And ceramic bars that surround
Down still—

A churning, twisting furnace
Burning all menace to gold
And labyrinths
beneath
Restless as they warp
upon themselves—
Them groaning snakes

It plummets down still
past the stars
past the battered moon

On, on ’til the cracked rocks
Pull it under, under, under

and my steps feel heavy
A fat brick kiln burping within
And steam and smoke
strangely slither

Then one more brick breaks loose
then one more, then—

and there is a plummeting within me
Like that of beads from a broken necklace
They lurk
from flesh to flesh
Climb up my bare white trees
filled with mud

This faded landscape painting
claws down my spine
And ***** its stollen hues out
Like those

of battles
or slaughtered moths
Of old, crinkled terrors etched
with foolery
Hymns of fury undissolved
and those of naked, shivering sheep

a kitten’s skull
stuck down the drain

There’s a plummeting within me
terrifying, and disgusting; angry and
beautiful— all hyped up to scream
I fear the landslides will
carry me along
and I will let them.
22/04/2021
Ayesha Apr 2021
There is no blade brighter than the wind
No euphony as lucid
as entranced she sways—
No mercy weaved in her delirious wings
nor any dead lands
caked beneath the lambent scales
In serenity she loves, in serenity prays
In turbulence— plays

There is no blood prettier
—still, I sense his finger stir
Yearning for cords
as he climbs up
the old, darkened minaret

I hear them warriors are on their way
Lured to stillness by
an injured dragon they cannot slay
and the rain
beneath her guard
trembles, trembles—

I relish the cold devour of her excited breaths
swirling about like a Koel’s last song
up, up the boy does stumble
up, up the tallest minaret
Which has long ceased to kneel
for the Imam’s groggy knees

The masjid slumbers in arms of the tired town
and warriors appear—
Swords like withering moons,
shields, extinguished suns

And prayer mats are folded
by her vivid claws
As blossoms smile out the yellowed tiles
A lion yells, his deer screams
and one upon another,
the swordsmen fall

But I sense a stirring in him
He plucks the stubborn of his tendons
his fingers— a strange dance
And notes around him
tremble, tremble—
Too young to have learned the words
His lips tear open to birth a laugh
an Adhan of his own

There is no sacrifice like one of the wind
She paints a trench across her
wavering being
and trembles, trembles—

Through the shuddering lips pulled tight
she, into him, flows
like water, like a storm frenzied, she
into him, flows—
There is a stirring in him
As tunes give themselves to the vessels
and vessels, unwilling,
are pulled

I hear it all them
The dragon lured to stillness
by an injured boy she cannot slay
—hear this, too
His being, like baked bread, relaxed
And arrows, his vessels
release—
and tunes— tunes soar about
As the old, proud minaret
is bled to a viscous death

I watch the tunes, they
tremble, tremble—
I wonder where they will go
Perhaps down a Koel’s scratchy throat
or sway by the town’s unmarked grave

Then the folks rise up
and cleanse themselves,
Water up their faces, down the elbows
Coating their necks, and glistening in the hair
A prayer upon prayer
hatching on their tongues
—dried blooms
crusty beneath their feet
and rain, a coward— away

A boy is lost, they say
‘As if vanished,’ they say
but is soon let lost
among the rows of funerals
passing through the town’s dusty days
Mourners, and mourners
— dead upon the shoulders of dying
Death, restless, still
Warriors, warriors no more
and the boy

still sings over that forgotten tower
A dragon whirling within
mimicking our moon-struck Dervishes
—I swear the boy still sings
as he gushes, gushes melodies
with every tremble

an Adhan of his own—
Adhan: Muslims' call to prayer.

(Kind of has the same vibe as Silent rebellion, now that I come to think of it. Well... *shrugs*)
Ayesha Apr 2021
dusk wept vacant  pink
and i in blue waters sank
purple, purple, kissed
then came forth a black mist
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