(TW: Self-Harm and Suicidal Ideation)
I wish the night was more than a fleeting mirage
Coming one moment and leaving the next
I wish the darkness would surround me in its velvety cloth
Not the absence of light, but the absence of life
The darkness of total and permanent nothingness
I wish my capillaries, veins, and arteries would peal open
Slowly, agonisingly
I want to watch the final drop of crimson drain from my body
Creep slowly down my finger
Trancing the path already traced by his brothers
He will linger at the very tip of my nail
Before falling
Plummeting
Careening
Into the tiled floor
Only then will I shut my eyes
I will let darkness trail his supple fingers down my body
Encasing me in his eager embrace
He will wind himself around me until there is nothing left
But for a small white corpse upon a brilliantly painted floor
And no one will find me
Because no one will be left to care
It took me some time to decide to share these past few poems, especially this one, with the Hello Poetry community, but I have decided that I should. Thank you all for your support, either direct or simply by providing your art for me to find solace in. I attempted suicide at the end of the past year and I am still working through the aftermath of that. I wrote this poem about a month after the attempt.