I built these walls
                          y - high t
                    k                 a
That are s                       l                        
                                       ­l 
But plain idiocy
It never occurred to me
                                                        abo­ve  
That the onslaught can come from
Or dig its way
                       underneath



It’s so useless to be armed
If you’re an easy **** from the start

There are a lot of things I'm uncertain of
And I never pretend to know
There are a lot of things that I'm scared of
But I never allow my fear to show

There are times when I want to break down
But who's going to lift me up?
There are times I want to confide in someone
But who is there to trust?

There are times when I want to love
However, I have no one to give my heart to
There are times I don't mind sharing my space
But I rarely follow through

There are times I'm confident in myself
There are times I'm insecure
I have times when I'm content with my life
But most of the time I'm craving for more

Right now I'm feeling that it's time I set all of my fears free
Right now I feel that it's time I truly embrace my destiny
It's time I leave my past behind and go after that more
It's time that I embrace my future, it's time that I explore

That day i finished
A small piece
For an obscure magazine
I popped it in the box

And such a starry elation
Came over me
That I got whistled at in the street
For the first time in a long time.

I was ***** and roughly dressed
And had circles under my eyes
And far far from flirtation
But so full of completion
Of a deed duly done
An act of consummation
That the freedom and force it engendered
Shone and spun
Out of my old raincoat.

It must have looked like love
Or a fabulous free holiday
To the young men sauntering
Down Berwick Street.
I still think this is most mysterious
For while I was writing it
It was gritty it felt like self-abuse
Constipation, desperately unsocial.
But done done done
Everything in the world
Flowed back
Like a huge bonus.

**** you mean more to me than words can explain, yet you put me through this pain, again and again.  

Here I am, just awaiting the day, waiting for you to say "I love you more than words can say"

Feels like I'll just keep waiting and even when it's tiring and I feel like giving in,

I'll still be here.

Cause I won't give up, I can't give in, this is worth more than just living,  

This is existing.

Breathing.

Everything.

Thats what you've been to me, what you are to me, what you'll always be.  

The existence of me.  

An extension of living,

And with every breath I breathe, I believe you are for me,

So...

I inhale with your name on my lips,
I exhale with your face on my mind.

And everytime I think of you, I imagine you think of me too.

So everyday I'm here patiently waiting and you're out there living,  

Remember my name,
Remember my face

This place,  
This existence of me.

And everytime I breathe, your love fills my lungs...

and if I die before you come....

**Remember I breathed my last breath with your name on my tongue.

I wish it was possible
   to measure
the intangible
   feelings of truth
   words of raw lived
emotion
    as you sat
holding
     that which was
at once
     body
             mind
                     soul.
Listening
     to a
           heartbeat, I dared
letting go for
           the risk
of
all
    I believed would,
hold all my gold.
To never forget,
     remembering the
                  f
                    a
                  ­    l
                       l
of love,
    gently caressing
soft faces
       as diamond eyes
shone,
      sinking
        anchored souls held
                 captive,
to Cupid's bow,
                  spearing on
deadly kisses, fists
        torturing winged broken
           sparrow, delicate,
as the petals,
        butterflies so lightly
touch,
        resisting & enduring elements.
& I go back to,
        why my human
                   capacity for
        suffering is so
meager?
when
        rose petals
                   deadly thorns,
I too posses.
       & I wonder
how even a beheaded
rose,
       the essence of
it's whole being
stripped,
       does survive,
                 ripped, parted,
       separated.
Because, my flesh,
thorns & shell
remains; my heart,
        soul,
as delicate as roses
        red petals,
is trusted to live
on
also.
& when you too,
took the best of me,
the beauty of all,
         I am; for now
I am as
dead, void & empty,
         as the once
flowering plant.
Except you'll always
posses, the delicate
          in me, never
                  allowing re-blossom
for I am
          now gone.
This rose plant,
survived the harsh
         weathering, but
we all finally
          wilt; therefore dying.

© Sia Jane