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 Oct 2017 Aazzy
Ryan Holden
This Mental torture is like a flame on thick ice,
just not enough to melt through my core
yet just enough to leave a mark.

But...

I can't tell myself -
what should this wandering mind do?
Because I keep telling myself,
what will this wandering mind do?

My arms reached around you
sweeping you up like a cave.

But...

My grasp was loose,
as was the howling winds that blew
the air from my sails, plummeting me,
into a nearby whirlpool of blanked out, blocked emotions.

As the course is set and our paths align,
no matter how much paddeling I did. Attempting to steer myself to the safety of the shores but missing it by my fingertips.

I was merely brought back into your arms
despite my previous attempts
to pull you in closer and losing
You to a wrong turn.

Then...

As the second wind hits our sails
we got lost at sea - never to see the shoreline again.
 Oct 2017 Aazzy
Ryan Holden
You broke the last thread
When you told me you didn't
Love me anymore.

All of the woven
Pieces of what got sewed in
Place, just fell apart.

With nothing but loose
Ends to play with, and scissors
To cut all the rest.
 Oct 2017 Aazzy
Ryan Holden
Even as I freeze.
I don't drop to my knees,
The cuts from the knives
The self inflicted disease,
The unspoken words
eyes filled with tears,
closed mind,
closed blinds,
closed ears.

But as the waking leaves
curl towards new light,
the blanket opens the horizon
like a million glorious stars,
glistening the dew on the leaves
of the grass over the hill.

His consciousness had awoken,
enlightened yet frightened by the past,
remembering the pain and resent.

But I can't do this just yet
I can't be broken,
I don't want to be hurt anymore
I have nothing to give,
but I have everything to give.

Only in time will I give you my all,
I'll fall, deeper than I've fallen before.

Like the precipice wasn't the problem -
just the sheer drop below, into an ocean
of love potions

To swim with the dolphins, and to rise above the surface of the solitude.

To be able to not drown in a sea of emotion
because your eyes alone are the ocean,
and I was just a wave skipping by.

I've found the trail I want to follow
and even if I tell myself I have nothing
to give,
I know I have every single piece to give
it's just,
I've only just collected the pieces.

So please,
if I give you my all
don't shatter me, it took too long
for me to rebuild myself.

The truth is,
I want to fall deeper than I've ever fallen
I want to dive into your eyes,
to get lost at sea,
to get a call from you,
For you to say you're missing me.
 Oct 2017 Aazzy
Ryan Holden
So again I made a fool of myself
only to fall at the last hurdle
scraping my heart on the way down.

It's funny really...

Like I should have known how it felt the last time.

ha, I never learn.

What's to say this blistering
heat that burns day by day will **** me?

What's to say I let it just because
I've become accustomed to the pain?

Because if I'm not clear, despite the eagles eye of cupids arrow that was a direct hit, I'm afraid I'm out of arrows.

I was a fool...

I couldn't give myself, to anybody else but you.

So I threw the rest away, I was almost certain, I had finally marked your skin, with the only heart I had to offer.
A story about a man who loves a woman very much but she doesn't believe him.
 Oct 2017 Aazzy
Espresso manic
i'll confess
i have thought about giving up a thousand times
i'm scared, lonely, exhausted

and every time i've been used like a punching bag
i've wanted to stay down
hoping that by ignoring the pain, that it'll go away

tired of routine, of commitment,
i wish i could stop caring,
but if i stopped, what would i live for?

so i get up everyday,
limping, hopping, crawling if i have to,
cuz one day it'll be worth it
for anyone who is struggling, keep grinding, one day it will all be worth it
 Oct 2017 Aazzy
Espresso manic
so i did.
i bit down the shaft,
as if it was my morning whiskey,
feeling the way the cartridge gave up under my teeth.

Every time my back ached,
i pressed down harder.
The bullet became my Achilles heel.
My life —> the arrow.

Until one day i felt the gunpowder on my tongue,
it made my mouth crackled and my tongue sour.
"Shhhhh," it said.
Calm and reassuring.

Bite the bullet they said,
I bit until i felt my molars grinding,
and my tongue blackened.
‘Til the bang marked the end.
This is most likely the ***** speaking
 Oct 2017 Aazzy
Traveler
A shadow blocked
My creative sunshine

Intentions of madness
In codes of rhyme

Safe and secure
Comforting vibes

The shadows creep
Below the lights

All deceieved
By what we believed

Who has set
Their shadow free?
Traveler Tim
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