“When people stop writing, it’s one of two things - they are either really ******* happy or broken beyond repair.”*

You have made me both of these - guess which one I am?

I’m so drunk. And I miss you so much.

But I’d never tell anybody.

I’d never tell you.

Boy, since you only care 'bout you
Imma do what I wanna do
Imma do what I want with who?
Imma do what I gotta do

I hope one day you're sitting there, inside on your couch, anywhere;
and it hits you like a punch to the gut: that you remember what it felt like to be loved by me;
and I hope for one second you feel like running to your front porch to catch air. that anxiety sweeps over you and your fingers find your hair; that for one second you don't know what to do with your hands.
I want you to feel that. hold that. multiply that by ten.
feel it again, and again, and again.
you can't prepare. you can't repair.
it, still, will never compare.
I want you to know what it's like,
to love
something,
that isn't there.

Sometimes I fall in love
with myself
Knowing that even though I
break it,
It still beats for
only me.

Two weeks ago
I was your "baby"

Two weeks
Two weeks
I can't stop saying those words

Two weeks ago
I was your "baby"

And now, you're with her.

The psychic told me
you were not coming back

You did not call me at 12:58,
2:28,
or 3:47 in the
morning.

And that's
when I realized,
you no longer
care.

All I ever am
is heartbroken and sick

Lord, there's got to be
more to life
than this.

Nature did not intend
for me to be a mother

and now on days
like today

there's an emptiness
inside my soul
that only
little hands
could replace

I am so tired
of being tangled
in you

someone, please,
slip me a match
burn me away
til I'm through

It is not the buzzing and hissing in my ears throughout the day
Nipping at my heels
Spitting at my feet until I've trampled your name

This poem isn't about the boy who didn't want to stay
No, this is about the aftermath
The finding myself
The "where do I go?"
The "what do I do?"
The "we went fishing in that spot" but "made love in that one too"

I wish I had better words
An easier way to say,
"I am fine. I swear I am fine"
But "no, I'm not okay."

I want someone to tell me,
what color my eyes are when I'm sad,
and why they never want to see them that way.

And then one day you meet someone;
They call when they say they'll call
And they show when they say they'll show

And it'll make you wonder
why you ever spent so much time
staring into the sun,
when someone was looking at you
as if that's what you were.

Ask me
how it feels
to love you
and I will say
*"exhausting"

I used to wake up anxious
now I have pills for that

I used to wake up and miss you
now I have pills for that too

I wanted to leave before I got left
I wanted to leave before I got left
I wanted to leave before I got left

         My God, why didn't I?