I climbed the dark heaven to meet myself alone..
To smell all the roses and espy the stone..
Nevertheless, the cloud was frozen and the breeze was calm..
I saw her descending and coinciding with my palm..
Her plain white vesture was contrasting my red..
She was diffusing the divinity that I could not even bled..
Our faces were same but our aces were inverse..
She owned one whole entity while I was a disperse..

The moment was priceless and so were my emotions..
It was indeed the most breathtaking phase to my notions..
My other twin was bounded with a definite time span..
She was entirely a woman with the heart of a man..
"You don't live inside me, I have never sensed you inside,
Painted with shyness, you rather live like a bride.."
I peeled up my heart and had the eagerness to know..
If the sun lives in me, then why do I fall like the snow..

She smiled and glared down on me with the rays of her starkness
and told me how sturdily I have been lidded under the darkness..
Holding the flowers, she stands in the island of my soul..
She ponders my echo and waits for  the control..
She imparts her colors when my pallet runs out..
but puts on her cloak when my demon comes out..
Surprisingly, I asked  "You are my part. Why don't you fight out..!?"
She had an answer. She works eternally from the hideout..

In the midst of the stirring stillness, she reminded that I had to leave..
Ironically, I could not crave for what I had been dying to receive..
The same ladder showed up and slanted me back to my nook..
and the wind narrating slowly what I had given while what I had took..
I returned to my place which was as murkier as ever..
I sensed the time-It was cursive and clever..
Perhaps I will reap more strength to deflect the chirping into the roar...
to mend every single lapse and bring her back someday on my door..

Trapped and chained and jailed in the grip of misery and the hungry mouth of despair
Its serpentine tounge wrapped tightly around your neck
A perfectly fitted noose
Deep rooted crooked fangs and hooks and teeth
To crush your bones
  Suspend your soul
   And poison your heart
Hanging helplessly as your
  Body and dreams and hopes
    Are dissolved into black sludge
Your arms stolen of everything
  You ever loved and held dear
And then without mercy
  Your very arms ripped out
Your face wiped clean
  No eyes to see with
   No mouth to SCREAM
Treasured memories erased
  And turned into daggers of torment
An endless cavern of echoes
  Of doubts and fears
     And blames
        And lies
All LIES
But the echos scream and
   Repeat and scream
     And repeat and
       Repeat and
         Repeat
           And
             Repeat
And you can't help but belive the lies
  Being carved into your skin
   Your heart your soul
It's all your fault
  it's all your fault
      IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT
YOU'RE HERE... BECAUSE
  IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT
Lies though... all lies
Misery lies and it lies
  In your heart
   And it lies in your soul
    And it lies in your everything
Misery wants your company
  Misery wants your EVERYTHING
Misery wants to paint its ugly
Over your beauty and **** your light and vibrance
Misery singing you lies of sweet oblivion and solitude
"stay here stay here... I'll take your pain away... just give me your all and I'll give you my numb... no one will love you so let me make it all numb..."
Another lie of misery...
   Carved deeper into your heart
Carving and slicing and burning lie after lie
Taking you apart and breaking you down
Casting and reshaping you the stolen pieces of you into bricks
Forcing your hands to build up a wall
Misery doing everything to make you feel at home
Venomous lies slipping from its rotted forked tounge
"This is where you belong... I'll love you... just let me make you numb..."
Misery lies while singing false lullabies
  Trying to steal you away
Trying to make the world darker
  By killing your light
Trying to hide your beauty in the
  Mouth of despair
Misery wants the world to sink into a
   Murkier shade of grey
It knows our world is falling apart
  And that by claiming you it can
    Quicken our descent
Its all just lies... the chains that bind you...
  the lies that cut and carve you down...
    miseries cold sinking in... the closer
       you get to numb the easier its
         lies are to belive... slipping
            away... the numb and
               oblivion. .. just
                 inches away...
                   comfortably
                    dark lies
                     LIES
                          ...
                    DON'­T
              DON'T FADE
            DON'T BELIEVE
           DON'T GO AWAY
       If... if you have done anything
     Anything wrong, it's this and only
   This, you're too beautiful for this world, this broken crumbling world, you looked too deeply, you felt too much...
Loved too much..  and then life hurt, breathing hurt... and you then you looked deeper, felt deeper, loved more... against the hurt and the pain... the sky was falling and you tried to hold it back up... too kind, too sweet... if anything this world doesn't deserve you. .. but oh... it needs you...
I've seen your light, been touched by the grace and beauty of your heart...
There's no easy escape from miseries grip
   And the mouth of despair
No quick fix
  No band-aid brand cure
A hard battle fought
  That not everyone can win
No guarantees I can give...
But I will climb into the mouth
  With you
   You don't have to do it alone
     Win or lose
       I'm right here with you
I'll die here by your side
  Just for a moment
   One moment to love your soul
     Your heart
       Your everything

Mickey was a murderer
Malevolent and heartless
Likely killed a courier
Tempted by his progress
Made to feel inferior
Delivering the knowledge
His emptied eyed exterior
Empowering the bosses
Always had an an opened ear
Could reinact the process
Always tried to keep it clear
He filtered out the nonsense
Always had a deagle near
Mickeys thoughts were loss less
Always ordered steak and beer
As he slithered from the charges
Always knew the ends as cure
But begginings were the hardest
The waters ever murkier
And fogging up his goggles
Never feared what's lurking there
The details were his doctorate
He knew who was what
And what was where
The devils were his hostages
Only hostile to his care
As he spelled it out with markers
Only rich to others fare
He was cleaning out their closets
As only those who know who dared
Know how they finally lost him

A thousand untamed words will unleash the other thousand too ,
from the memoirs ,
caged in a rust full of room ::
I will throw a pebble of darkness
into the chasm of stagnation .
Then the ripples of cold will feel,
lacerating my skin from under,
as if someone
scratching the pith of my soul frenziedly .
The denseness of blood
murkier than darkness
oozing of out my arteries
while the fallen angel
                     ~LUCIFER~
sitting on his throne ,
ardently longing me ,
TO
TAKE
ME
BY
HIS
SIDE .

A resounding response to the crack below my feet was heard through the forest
The ice had broken under the weight of my foot
And I froze holding myself still as I stared at the wood

Wondering, "Where did that come from?" whispering
"Not an echo! there must be something within the trees
A light breeze could not displease the silence of that looming dark!"

I approached the trees, each a veil, bark by bark, forming
A shade to intimidate the night, lining the freedom of that frozen lake
With fear to cut through any heart, as I approach the trees

The edge, waiting for me, towering grim, counting the steps
Accusing, suspecting of my intent, and I fearing what will come
I draw towards the end, and it paints my heart a deeper black,

"Every end a means!" they say, their leaves a darker hue, all a shade,
The sky only murkier, blot fainted stars bleeding to shine on my icier day
Cold, my fingers, scared, my feet, moving forward, they ask for more

More! for passion! for the call! the trees, in unison, they call!
Quiet, they crack through the Winternight, claiming
"Yes! still alive!"

Finally! my foot strikes the lucid gray snow! and I meet my end

But, "Every means an end!" and the life that colors around me
reflects the sun,
bright and vivid,
a shining presence
encompassing my own

And, as the world of the human mind's intent frenzies, no relent,
still, to see the bird
teaching her next
to swirl through the air
is to see the gem amongst us

I have met my end, my journey is done,
I die here now, but I have seen the world,
I have taken it my own, and it has killed me

"Was it worth it?" I ask the trees, now silent somber black around.

Anxious, fears flitting in and out, through my head and back again
feeling like I know what it is to stand for the verdict
to live the last few hours on Death Row
And it is only a job, a silly job, a source of income
but this feeling, the same as I had last year when I lost
part of what made the job interesting
but this feeling that I have that I am so often dead on correct about
an intuition that pierces me and sets me on edge
and so often comes true
Maybe I would give up this intelligence, this ability to foresee for a little peace of mind
But no, there can never be too much you know, too much you can see
the water can never be too clear, the view never too deep

Bright white plates are placed at the bottom of Lake Tahoe
to measure the clarity of the water
which is now murkier than in Mark Twain's day
so the plates must be put closer to the surface
and I don't want that
to lose that purity of sensitivity
I only want to be able to know and not fear
So keep the plates where they are
the water remains pure and it has to

You are going to fire me I am nearly sure
I don't deserve it, but I didn't deserve to lose what I lost last year
when I had the same feeling

I was never the guy everybody went to when they saw something
I was never the guy who got all the girls and went to parties
But I stood on the pavement as the cars drove by
You never spoke to people who barely knew your name
And you always said that life is a chessboard you play
But the only way to win is to give way and try

Never got a call from her
Never got any numbers
People whispered when they walked by
I was left alone in the library
Bullies searching for a new bait
And I was easy to find, by my gait

Oh you can try to be a fancy guy
Who wears those flashy things
You can call me a loser
If you really want to
Coz I can take the punch
Of a thousand fists
And I can still stand tall as a tree

You never see the way before you come nearer
The water's cold and it's getting murkier
Wanting me to leave this place
YeH I might listen to Taylor on replay everyday
And you might hate what I talk about today
But don't bet on my leaving today

This world I live in feels like it's cursed
Every child here's another word
For carelessness and hopelessness
Time that I have turns faster than it can
And the gold that I hold melts in my hands
But the mystery and cherishing
Makes me think back to when
Everything I knew was like the world before
But now, it's just a system of corruption
Ruling our lands, the places we took control of
All of our blood spilled like falling rain, all over the place
And the worth of each drop of sweat is just like the grain of sand

And this life makes me feel like a loser
But I don't care anymore
These people make me wanna cry in the bathroom
But I don't care anymore
So if I chose to listen to their useless words
Would I ever care for...
It

I recall counting the
crooked lines that ran the length of your palm,
noting how each and every one
ran on and on and on
before petering out into crosshatch
and creases.

Remember when I came to yours,
that first time?
We watched an inconsequential film,
made inconsequential small talk
as we lay on that  
rough-lined sofa of yours.
I stared into your bright-blue eyes
as you glanced up at mine
(murkier, sea-floor brown tinged with green -
“Harry”, you called me, jokingly)
and we kissed
because at the time
it seemed of consequence.

Later, we petered out somewhat
(creased and crosshatched as we were),
but even now,
as I trace the lines of my palm,
I can’t help but feel that
something that day
was of consequence.

Ten.

I love you.
We fit so well together
And you are the lost puzzle piece
That I didn't know was missing.
We are effortless
And beautiful
Because you love me, too
And every time you say it
The words fall into my mouth
And I savor the taste
And the way they rattle behind my lips.

Nine.

We bicker sometimes.
You don't like the pasta I make
And I don't like how late you work.
But you whisper sweet nothings to me
While I clean the dishes.
Then you pull me against you
In our room
When the dishes are done
And I liquefy
Like ice in hot coffee.
And we'll be okay.

Eight.

I stayed up for you.
You didn't come home
At five like you always do.
There's food in the fridge
And my trust in the doorstep
Where you wipe your shoes
At two a.m.
You go to bed.
I follow behind
Not asking questions,
Not wanting to know.

Seven.

I haven't talked about it.
You haven't talked about it.
We don't talk anymore.

Six.

Where do you go? I say.
What do you mean? You say.
When you're not here.
Work, you say.
I know that's not it, I say. Please don't lie to me anymore.
But you tell me you don't want to talk about it.
You storm off to bed
And I melt against
The cold linoleum
Like I once did
In your arms.

Five.

I haven't looked in your eyes
Since that night
When the dusty kitchen floor
Held me closer
Than you have in months.
My tears did nothing
To wash away the fear
That the liqueur didn't.

Four.

I ask if it's another man.
You don't reply at first
And then deny.
But I know.
I've known.
I ask who it is.
Can you at least tell me that? I say.
Your silence fills the room
Like a cup overflowing
With water
Or something murkier.
You say it so quietly,
A woman from work,
And I nod,
Blinking through the salty licks of tears.
How could I possibly have any left?
You don't say you're sorry.

Three.

You pack up your things.
She comes by to pick them up.
You look right through me and say  you've fallen in love.
I say nothing
Because I haven't yet fallen out of it.

Two.

My bed is cold.
My mornings are quiet.
I'm no longer cooking for two.
There is no one to come home to
Or to come home to me.
I sit alone by the window
Not even
One with the stars.
I feel hollow.

One.

I see you
Around town sometimes.
With her
And a red-faced baby boy
Who looks just like you do.
I love you.
And I don't think I'll ever stop.

Zero.

The wind chill in March
was at its *** end,
the sun in the east
half lit the murkier sky
of that morning
the cloudy patterns
seen through brittle and brown
branches
of the maple trees,
surrounded
a weird silence of forlorn.
the birds left
their broken nests,
flew away to the far end,
paralleling man's flying machine.
It was a scenic beauty,
blended with
technology and ecology.
Yet, the nature's creation
competed with man’s,
a bird from the flock,
plunged down
ablaze, ripped apart
plaintively,
with a sound.

Narinder

MOTECUHZOMA
            Our priests have proven green and tenderfoot
            By goggling at our late, ill auguries:
            Dumbfounded, counselless, they scan their toes.
            For this have I agreed to pawn my pride
            In dabbling with questionable cures
            By calling forth the aid of sorcerers.

PRIEST OF TLALOC
            Dread lord, how might your grace with confidence
            Place mercenary warlocks in your trust,
            Who twist their gifts toward late-night banditry,
            It’s said, to paralyze their shaky preys.
            Tezcatlipoca, our capricious master,
            Might cloud our muddy minds yet murkier
            For slumping to such dubious helps as these
            If they make mock of his peculiar knowings.

TLACAELEL
            Don’t worry. If they cool your fevered fears
            We’ll hail their hocus-pocus as white physic.
            If not, then as black fiends in iron they’ll rot.

MOTECUHZOMA
            Bring in these esoteric ministers.

                                  A guard leads in three Sorcerers

            You three obscure and dicing conjurers:
            Have you beheld grim omens in the clouds,
            Or prodigies upon the earth? You three,
            Who fathom ‘neath earth’s black and gem-jammed caverns
            To skim atop cold pools of stone-blind fish
            And witness those who have not winked at day;
            Who sink into the water’s murky deeps,
            And loiter drowsily among the weeds,
            Mustering fronds and nightshades for your charms.

PRIEST OF TLALOC
            Have you encountered stray and mongreled men?
            Or lightless nooks congeal as dead men’s shades?
            Or midnight women, crablike, creep in broods?
            Shall we be leveled flat by strange disease,
            Or locusts, pirating their greedy shares?
            From sudden deaths, from wars or wild beasts?
            Shall rainstorms sink our rooftops down to jetties,
            And Tlaloc drown us in a tide of bounty,
            Or broil us in cruel sabbatical?

MOTECUHZOMA
            You must not candy up **** truth for me.
            Have you not heard our thirsting goddess cry,
            And nightly croaking from the earth’s deep faults?

Why must you wait for me
To rise above this endless fog
You wear the word martyr
like a bejeweled badge
Awaiting your ticket tape parade
I would gladly hide in my labyrinth
A careful construct of limitless emptiness
Illuminated by the new moon
I stumble through and through
Hoping for a quick exit over the cliff
But as usual, I’m sure footed

There is no room for you to wait
The fog is growing ever murkier
Although destitute of happiness
I can feel its presence forever in a memory
This is one thing that can be called hope
So there; some promising words to cling to
And know that I am not hopeless

so this is it
jumped ship
or whatever it's being called
these days

I feel myself
falling
Alice like
into a murkier space
than before

where the silence
gnaws at my brain
splinter of a twinkle
heavens above

quite obvious
what's happening
ignorance that flares up
like a blanket of acne

an excuse that drips
quick from the fingers

your game is peeling
from every corner
and rolling the dice

ain't as easy
as I found it
when you spoke
with an actual voice

And as the skies turn murkier
Ballads
from the eighties
flow from a distant land
And for a moment
It reminds me of *you

it's not even that deep poetic black inside me anymore
it's just murky brown

i've been trudging through a swamp of feelings
none of them good

and now my heart is murkier than the water
i've been walking through for so long