My birthdays tomorrow
I'll be 16
Never would I have thought
I would spend it with out you
You have missed so much
Why did you leave us?
Why wouldnt you let us help!
I should be so mad about that
But I'm not I love you
Nothing can change that
I know you're in a better place now
Happy and better
But papa I need you now more then ever
Everything is a mess without you
Please come back
Tell me you love me
Tell me happy birthday
Tell me goodbye
I want you back
You have missed to much
You are missing us grow up
Evie doesn't remember you.....
Even I'm starting to forget
I don't want you to be just a memory
I want to be able to hear you
Talk to you
All in all
I just want you back
I love you
I talked about you today.
I haven't talked about you like that since you died.
Even saying that is hard to hear.
I stood up in front of them and tired to talk.
That's when I realized that I was shaking.
I could feel the light buzz from it and I tried to hide it,
but they all could see it.
I almost lost my cool.
Since when have I let them win?
When did they become right about me?
Because not being able to speak a single word about you,
without breaking down and screaming,
is a sign that I am still a train wreak of fear.
I try to keep calm,
and hide my fear from them,
but I just want to sit down and break everything that I can get my hands on,
but that's not what you would want me to do,
and that would not only disappoint me,
but also you...
I'm sorry Papa
I hope you've found your peace, your laughter
in a place of no pain, the great ever after
here on earth our tears are shed
but i'm proud of the life you led
how you gave me hope, courage to be
all the things the world should see
the battle you fought was hard, struggle every day
and even though i didn't want to let you go away
it hurt me to see you suffer, and be in pain
memories wash over me, soft like rain
you will always be in my heart, now, forever
in heaven all our loved ones will gather together
they will welcome you with open arms, a smile
but sometimes it feels like we only had a little while
i'm grateful i got to say goodbye
and even when i feel like i'm going to cry
i know you've found that place
where the sun always shines on your face
and music is always in the air
someday we'll all be there
i'm so thankful for you, you taught me so many things
you're in heaven now papa, getting your wings
In your presence I feel edified and loved
Something that I've never experienced when I'm with others.
Your love so great
You died for me.
But yet who am I?
A lowly worthless servant who can't seem to hear your call,
Left aimless treading on this earth.
Blaming you is easy
Scolding you ensures nothing.
When I ask of anything
You gladly give.
It's funny how things ended up like this
And hell am I afraid
Of what's about to happen.
I trust in you, knowing you'll guide.
You've never failed me.
I’m so scared to tell you
But I’m afraid your heart is leaking
For years now it’s been seeping the fluid into your mouth
In big puddles you spat it out
Now where there should be motivation there is only weeping
I stepped in your puddles when I was little
They soaked into my feet and filled me up past my teeth
Now that it is gone from you I hope there is enough to share
But if there isn’t, I don’t want it
I’ll give it back to you
I’ll speak it until my voice is hoarse
I’ll spit it at your feet with no remorse
If it comes to it
I will squeeze all the fluid out of my heart
I will use it to wash your feet
It will soak in and fill you past your teeth
Then you can take a step forth
And my heart will fill up again
Upon seeing you as you were then
Papa repeats bad jokes
like a broken record, an overplayed
and under paid radio station
that forgot how many times
we've heard the same
Out to eat at a fine dining
Mexican restaurant, Papa orders
a hot dog. The waiter
doesn't get it. The joke, nor the
Who would guess so many
bad one-liners and puns lie behind
your dark leather skin and
tired jaw? The waiter cannot tell
that buried underneath pages of wrinkles and
stoic smiles, Papa
is only joking.