I have a nasty habit of enduring out of spite

I endure in spite of my own lust for eternal sleep

Exasperated, I think;
“That’s just so like me, isn’t it?”

if i wanted to hurt you
                        i would feed you my poetry,
                                                         then wean you off of it.
                                                  
                                         Out of spite.

The curtains twitch... in my street,
They pretend to be rich... in my street,
The gossips thrive... in my street,
But they’re barely alive... in my street,

The big cars come and go,
They all reap what they sow,
They pretend and they trick,
Atmosphere is so thick,
I’m the **** of their jokes,
And they pinch, and they poke,
But they fail to agree,
That I see what I see,
What I see, is the truth,
I will shout from the roof,
They can’t judge me at all,
For I’ve seen where they crawl,
but my lips they stay tight,
For there will come a night,
When they will see me see,
And they’ll understand me,

People talk... in my street,
People stalk... in my street,
A massive game... in my street,
We’re all the same... in my street..

I only caught glimpses of his eyes while he spoke

words, lacerating this pneuma

and stuffing superlatives in this innermost being.

the wisdom I believed I possessed tumbled like Jericho

and I could hear the audacious screams of the Israelites

like blood torrents in arteries.

it’s a shame, I thought. He had a good heart.

pomegranate pnumbras flicker like fire behind my eyelids

and it burns there, too.

can I leave?

a smooth muscle ***** pumps blood and serotonin through platelets back into arteries

and I hungrily drink this newfound oxygen.

and all around the splintered cage

I saw orange slice smiles and white yacht clouds drifting through a blue ocean.

but a quick slip up pulled me away

and the faceless effigy stood pristine with metaphorical eyes,

of which I only caught a glimpse.

I still uncover shards of him
Splintered glass buried deep within
I scratch the scabs just on the surface
Nails digging with a purpose
Some dark thoughts go undetected
These cuts run deep and feel infected
Weighted shrapnel riddles me
But I know I'm loved, I know I'm free
Some things just put me in that place
Where I thought things would never change
Where guilt would drip from every word
And spite was the dagger meant to hurt
The ground alight with coals and ash
Where I held my breath as I slipped past
Clutching nothing but insincere apologies
I learned to feed his selfish greed
So when there's pressure on old scars
I'm sorry if I flinch too hard
And when the alcohol burns against my skin
Please hold me tight as it sinks in

Black roses grow
where you once stood in my heart.
Their thorns rip me apart,
cover me in dripping, glistening blood,
but they're
more beautiful than you.

They hurt me with full intention to,
not like your ignorance.
They may **** me
but I don't care,
You beat me down this far,
now I'm way past getting up,
so I'd like to die selfishly,
more beautiful than you.

You call me a Monster,
or Are you inflicting
your own thoughts?

feel the burning in your head
feel the burning in your lungs
feel the burning in the heart
and the hurt that makes you start

see the white on your arms
and the creases of your palms.

trace the lines of regret. the small sting of
control.
spite.

silent thunder.

everything is anger.
you are anger.
everything is fire.
but you are even worse. the silent dark.

feel the snake rise up in your stomach
to your chest. blood flows down
into the abyss, iron tang
and black shine.

it's always your fault, they say. the way you present,
the who that you embody,
the tone you project,
the everything.
the coarse words scraping around
in your lungs.
(they're actually screams.)

search for red, red but only
find black, black.

ink.

fade,

but not away.

Black roses grow
where you once stood in my heart.
Their thorns rip me apart,
cover me in dripping, glistening blood,
but they're
more beautiful than you.

They hurt me with full intention to,
not like your ignorance.
They may **** me
but I don't care.
You beat me down this far already,
and now I'm way past getting up,
so I'd like to die selfishly,
more beautiful than you.