This Blessed Sip of Life

“Hello, how are you doing today
I hope I find you feeling healthy”—
your smile broke like spring after too long a winter.
We met by chance,
but it felt like gravity had drawn us in.

“Could I love you? Could you love me?”
The world held its breath.
Your laugh said yes before your mouth ever did.

“Say, my love, I came to you with best intention
You laid down to give to me just what I’m seeking.”
And you did.
So I asked,
“Kiss me, won’t you kiss me now?”
Because I wanted to give you everything and asked for nothing in return. Other than joy.

We stitched our lives together with whispered promises.
“Hold my hands, your hands—
So much we have dreamed.”
Your hand in mine,
the future felt like a secret only we understood.

“Oh, please, lover, lay down
Spend this time with me.”
And we did,
under stars that blinked in approval.

Children came.
And laughter.
And little hockey skates by the door.
“Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain.”

We were a painting in motion,
“Our love is so right—
Forget the clouds that rain down on you.”
Two of us. Anything felt possible.
“Two of us together, we could do anything, baby.”

But time speaks in silence.
One day, I noticed the pause between our words.
“You could look inside and see what’s on my mind
I let you down, oh, forgive me.”

I did try.
You did too.
But something between us shifted.
The PTSD became too much and we didn’t know how to navigate.

“You crush me, with the things you do,
and I do, for you, anything too.”
That balance turned to burden.
If only we had worked on our mental fitness rather than turning on each other.

“I fall so hard inside the idea of you,”
not you—
not anymore.

“Wanna stay but I think I’m gettin’ outta here.”
And you did. And so have I.

“Everybody asks me how she’s doing
Since she went away
I said I couldn’t tell you
I’m OK, I’m OK.”
But I wasn’t.

I replay the good days
like old home videos.
“Ride my bike down the old dirt hill
First time without my training wheels.
First time I kissed you I lost my legs—
Bring that beat back to me again.”

“I know I’ll miss her later
Wish I could bend my love to hate her.”
But I never could.

“This blessed sip of life, is it not enough?”
Some days, it feels like it is.
Other days, I drink it down bitterly.

“And we were so much younger
Hard to explain that we are stronger.”
But we are.
Just not together anymore.

“Stay, beautiful baby
I hope you stay, American baby.”
You didn’t.
But I hope you found whatever you were looking for….
So many words unsaid.

“And if I don’t see you
I’m afraid we’ve lost the way.”
Maybe we have.

But still,
“I shall miss these things.”
The laughter in your eyes.
The weight of your head on my shoulder.
The silence between our words.

“Lovely lady, I am at your feet, oh God I want you so badly.
And I wonder—this: could tomorrow be so wondrous as you there sleeping?”
It once was.

And though
“I let you down—
How could I be such a fool like me?”
I carry no bitterness.
Only love.
Faded, but still honest.

“But I do know one thing—
And that’s where you are, is where I belong.”
Was.

And maybe
that’s enough.

© 2025 Shawn Oen. All rights reserved.

When waking up
from my sleeplessness
I am tired

of the task
to create
a new past
anyhow

grafted onto
who I have been
with a family
and a mother
who knew me

to create
a second life
under a sun
bright enough

to warm me
and bleach
the shadows

I used to love the sun,
I'd wake to see it rise;

It's warming rays surround me,
As overhead it flies;

But now I walk in darkness,
And wear this **** disguise;

The curtains now are drawn,
On windows and my eyes;

The moon and stars above me,
Dimly fill the skies;

I can't escape my shadow,
Though heaven knows I've tried;

And since it's not alone,
My spirit never dies...

the day is approaching
faster and faster
the day I pack up all my stuff
put it into boxes
load it into the car
empty out my room
and drive for a couple of hours
I will unpack my life
into a tiny new room
that will be my home for a year
I'll look at my barren room
waiting to be decorated
and filled
I'll make it my own
no matter how I miss my home hours away

You know how the saying goes:
They write one and you know they love you
They write a hundred and they love the craft
I'll admit
I've written a hundred and more, 'm sorry

I'm getting sick and tired of the same routine
Pacing all night
Until I collapse, exhausted

Spinning my wheels, running on fumes,
And ultimately getting nowhere.

I'm thinking of blowing this whole thing up
And starting from scratch
Because after we ended things
It took you half the time to recover that I did.

You know how the saying goes
And those are the consequences of having a muse.
You corrupted the art
And turned it into an obsession.

I've been limited,
Waxing poetic about your body, your soul, your grip on me
And nothing more.

Take this as a goodbye letter
To: you
And for: me
Take this as a promise to stop looking back.

I'll write about the stars
The wind in my hair
And how the birds sing to greet the early morning.

Maybe one day I'll write about someone new.

I'll write about living, and stop thinking about you.

Escaped from fears
Smiles hiding tears
Yet Unable to sleep
Emotions Buried so deep

Losing a friend
Trying to comprehend
A candle snuffed out
Turning away in doubt

A father deceased
Farwell, We feast
Another sky turned gray
Hearts left in disarray

Return of Wrongdoer
Smiles become fewer
Drugs to help cope
Losing what little hope

Feelings to address
Family in distress
A mother points blame
A heart left maimed

Apology never received
False affections believed
Silent the line stays
As I've departed ways

as i am nearing the edge of our fading sun,
as our world is one big aquarium,
- full of life...
      me, surviving the best i can, alone...
i thought i never long for that new life
born between my seeds,
all i knew is that i am okay, alone...
     no plan to plant,
just a fading list of the evading daydream...
     it's okay - everythings alright,
there's time, still,
   even if it never arrive,
     it's still alright
         for all the right
         reasons...

What would I do
Who would I be
Where would I belong
If I didn't have you

Yesterday I woke up,
Felt the fresh air,
Had me going crazy,
Haven't had a breath fresh air.
Looking back thinking,
Putting my hands in the air,
Giving my self a good stretch,
What it is to be alive again!
I am always here,
As long as I'm Alive,
You are not alone,
You'll always have a home,
Since I am here,
Keep it in the past,
And don't you ever look back,
Then again even if you do,
I'll always have your back.

You've been surpassing everything,
Learning it from falling deep,
You didn't want anything.
Just looking at a fiend,
Waking up reaching the alarm,
Do I even have to ask?
Yes you had another sleepless night.
Walking up hating life,
Another day carrying regrets from ur past
Another day another bag,
Another hour and I know your calling,
Demons had you under,
Looking at you now,
I see you reaching up,
High as the ******* stars.

Yesterday I woke up,
Felt the fresh air,
Had me going crazy,
Haven't had a breath fresh air,
Looking back thinking,
Putting my hands in the air,
Giving my self a good stretch,
What it is to be alive again!
I am always here,
As long as I'm Alive,
You are not alone,
You'll always have a home,
Since I am here,
Keep it in the past,
And don't you ever look back,
Then again even if you do,
I'll always have your back.