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I am --===not  li==ving through this== hell =  all over again!!

Leave==='' me alone you crazy ****** ****!!!!!!!!!!

from ME
like one of those letters one might receive with one letter at a time pasted on a sheet of paper only it being done to the depraved one.....
Ellie Wolf Jul 2016
Goodmorning,
precious nutcase.
Which side will I face today?
The neurotic one, to my dismay.
I can never tell which one you truly are.
I know, it seems bizarre
that after all this time
still I’m
so painfully unaware.
And I can’t force you to care.

How I hate you, Kerouac,
you made me believe I can live
with the crazy ones.
Oh how wrong was I.
After all this time
I still can’t tell which one’s the lie.
The one that l have to beg
and twist my arm out
to get attention
or the one that sends me
'I miss you's
etched in the sand.
Nathan Squiers Jul 2014
Look, I was gonna go easy on you not to hurt your feelings, but I’m only going to get this one chance!
Something’s wrong… I can feel it.
Just a feeling I got, like something’s about to happen… but I don’t know what.
If that means what I think it means, we’re in trouble—big trouble—and if he’s as bananas as you say I’m not taking any chances!

(You are just what the doc ordered)

I’m beginning to feel like a write god (write god).
Can all the readers out there who think I’m right nod, right nod.
Now here I am again for another rap talk, rap talk…
They said I write like a monster, so call me scribe-star,
But for me to write like a beast means I’m a demon at least;
I got a devil kept in my pocket,
On my shoulder’s when I rock it.
Talkin’ of killin’ and of thrillin’; won’t stop it!
Write a demon doorway, now knock on it!
Ever since the dark days when I’d just lost it,
Way back when the world would pace and chant “Nutcase!”
I’m a ******, but I’m charming;
Yes, a crude, rude dude, but I’m still disarming.
Using syllables to **** ‘em all with this
empowering empire of powerful vampires.
The writer-type clackin’ back with typewriters, like way back, right?
Clackity-clack!
Rockin’ stack after stack, clackin’ out more attacks,
Ideas tacked out while hacks hack out their crap (but ******* spew **** all the time),
so I perform written parkour tricks so you’re not bored; strike a chord.
Show you Stryker’s tortured life of suicide ‘n strife turnin’
to strength and a fiery passion burnin’ while readers’ guts are churnin’—
teary eyes all burnin’.
Their fears are returnin’ from a story I turned out when I got turned on
to my own life.
Now I drop F-bombs;
exploding real-life scenes—
these ain’t your G-rated dreams, so take your outdated themes—
It’s the **** I’ve seen; don’t make me obscene.
I’m mean, I mean, it’s my means to screen a scene between a matte sheen.

‘Cause I’m beginning to feel like a write god (write god).
Can all the readers out there who think I’m right nod, right nod.
Now here I am again for another rap talk, rap talk…
They ask me to thaw out these oily blocks called ink-wads, ink-wads.
There’s a body in everybody , but not all bodies have a brain that makes them feel sane.
Like a train—just the same—
Might be runnin’ but we still cast blame,
The loading docks of our thoughts; they’re locked-up in a box,
And they’re stackin’ up like blocks
That turn the stacks to empty tracks (****!)
Trainees blame their brainees when it’s not easy training brains, see?
But the boarding isn’t boring—training brains; not trading pains—
Remember: the station’s self-exploration!
Me? I’m a hodgepodge! From train station to abandoned lodge;
Bully dodgin’, fully locked-in when I freaked out, fattened-up and then I geeked out,
Told “keep it down” but then peaked when I peeked deep down.
Creepin’ up, now, and keepin’ up (WOW!)
I swear it up and tear it up scribbled swords,
And now I wear awards for slingin’ words;
Offered praise; a chance to forget about the craze that once darkened all my days,
But I write that way—say “that’s okay ‘cuz it helps me write this way—each and every day!
And hacks think I act this way just to seem this way, ‘til come the day when the cray-cray takes the doubt away.
Demon obsessed? I’m possessed! Can’t own what you don’t possess!
“Hey, devil-lookin’ boy!”
So ***** for my honey I’m rockin’ horns, look here boy!
A Literary Dark Mass-acre,
Like the devil laid waste to a church on the page, looker boy!
They got a gold star, and a high five,
Felt so alive to see their own scribes make it to Momma’s fridge, ****** boy!
Hey, schnook-ah boy, looky here, looker boy,
I’m held up by The Legion, book-it boy!
Had to push for every word—every page—had to swallow all the rage,
Now you want out of your cage, schnook-ah boy?
I’m legendary—literary—and you’re literally just a *****, little boy!
So sell out while I’m bought out, ******-boy!

‘Cause I’m beginning to feel like a write god (write god).
Can all the readers out there who think I’m right nod, right nod.
The way I’m burnin’ through these pages, call me Dark Lord, Dark Lord!
But they’d rather burn my books, so start a fire war, fire war!
Can’t get it through your head? Words are more than Edward! He’s dead! WORD!
Let me drag you off to meet Dracula; take you back to the dawn of the dark lord, yea?
Fast forward to the foreword where the F-word’s “fangs” (you’re welcome);
This is my Hell, come! Be free!
Part Morningstar; part Morpheus! I throw up a kiss and jot down the kills like they’re red-apple pills.
Go ask Alice back at my palace what you should read to feed your head.
Sentence structure so smooth they call me FE-line, and my cat’s got better plot lines,
That the hacks will all call “sublime” (it’s “sub-fine”)
But me?
My **** scenes are brutal,
And my romance? Not frugal. I don’t saturate—I arrogate—
But I don’t condemn my characters to *******!
I wanna make readers care—if readers dare—
To connect and feel and follow where they can find some hope and power there.
While also giving them a place somewhere that isn’t here—though filled with fear—
A place where they don’t feel jeered or feel weird.
Horror ain’t just movie monsters, or gore-****** scopin’ sponsors!
You speak French? C’est de la merde, monsieur!
You look unsure! But I have the cure in the written word!
And though you once were achin’ for a rockstar author cravin’ bacon,
The role has since been taken by your man, Squiers.
And like a pair of pliers, I can reach into readers’ brains and cross all sorts of wires!
I’m settin’ cranial fires behind the eyes of all my buyers!
And while I’m growing Ghost Riders—ridin’ shotgun on the bullet-train ‘tween the pages—
There’s a horde of haters harboring growing rages
With a narrow gaze of who scribes pages.
They say I can’t write ‘cuz of my tattoos or my gauges
So allow me to assuage this: y’all can’t cage this!
If you don’t like it, let me show you where the grave is!
You’re well-aged, but I’m ageless!
Like the undead through the ages!
And like Shakespeare took to stages you can find me where the page is:
I’m hip to a script, I’m at home with a poem and feeling groovy writin’ movies; and I’ll be EZ on your TV.
You write normal? **** being normal!
What a novel theory! So very dreary!
Why the **** are they so leery, they say “Writing fear? We don’t want to hurt no feelings.”
Feelings? Setting up ceilings! Just more limits! It’s life! Live it!
Set the roof on fire!
Plot is getting hotter than a 24/7 squatter on a ***** channel!
So what if some **** gets a hair up ‘er ****? Don’t make it ****!
They wanna say “Hey you, we’re here to stifle!”
‘Cuz I mentioned rifles? Do they really want to trifle?
So I say:
“Better bring a sweater ‘cuz this thriller’s gonna chill ya—sure hope it doesn’t **** ya—and ya gonna get’a fill o’ all the ***** that I don’t give, ‘cuz I don’t live to let ******* quip or give me lip about my lit.
I’m entertaining and elating and also demonstrating how devastating a stream of escalating scenes can be so penetrating—although frustrating—to a mind that’s celebrating what it means to be vacationing between the pages; wading through the stages of a war that forever wages; meditating through the escalations now that they know what TRUE rage is!
“Oh, he’s too ******!”
That’s right! Ain’t right. That’s life: not nice; it’s strife.
It’s not just me; it’s we.
I just found a better way to show it:
Monsters that aren’t monsters;
Abuse put to good use; bred virtues!
“I don’t know how to plot plots like that;
I don’t know what words to use.”
Did it really never occur to them that to read a book—just to take a look—and THEN take up the pen?
You read King if you want to be king, strictly speaking.
A writing mind that isn’t a reading mind is a weakling; a weak link.
I’m a scholar—not a bawler—so I’m a flyer where there’s fallers;
Raised on Goosebumps and Creepy Crawlers so I’d Stine while others whined.
Got a dark side, but that’s The Dark Side on my side; counter haters with my Vader:
“I would be your father… but your dog beat me over the fence.”
No offense. Pretense: incorporate comedy and film; common sense.
Suicide pushed aside, though I still burn inside. **** myself on
the page each day so my readers can feel what it’s like to be alive.
It’s okay to hide.
Only your own devil knows what’s inside.
I own mine; he’s my co-pilot when I write. My demonic side; my demonic scribe.
Flipping my words to the birds—‘cuz, you see, that’s how I wing it—and flipping the bird while I throw down and sing it:
“Tiger, Tiger, burning bright,
My words are my roar and tonight I write!”
The fights are in your sights like you were seated inside a movie theater;
You’d see Xander and Estella—wouldn’t you want to meet her—
Have a front row to the creatures in a feature presentation…
But ‘til then
Eat some Rice An’ read a piece by a man who
Had an “Interview with a Vampire”—
I’m a fiction author, why would I lie to ya?
Prince of lies? I ain’t Satan!
Close friends, but I’m Nathan.
Judged for appraisal—I’m priceless—I’m  nice: no; charming: yes.
Got a razor-sharp and Shining wit like a crown left
on a King… but not.
Why be a left king, when I’m a write god.
So I did a lyrical re-write of Eminem's "Just Lose It" that wound up being pretty popular, so when I heard "Rap God" for the first time I knew I had to do the same. While I hope it's entertaining on its own, I think those who have heard the song will enjoy that I remained true to the source material in terms of flow, rhythm, and syllable count (Marshall Mathers is really quite an astounding wordsmith in his lyrical writings).

Hope you enjoy ^_^
Lora Cerdan Nov 2014
Before you **** yourself, can you do me a little favor?
If it’s not too much to ask, if you have a little time,
If you’re not in a hurry, Please listen to me
Don’t worry; I’m not here to guilt trip you
I know you’re pretty much decided
So please, let me stall you for a minute or two
You know, some people **** themselves right away
Some people wait for signs
Some people change their hairstyles, their clothes
To send a silent SOS to anyone who would notice
Because it’s not easy to ask for ‘Help’
When you know they’re just going to say
‘Get over it’, ‘don’t be so sad’, and “It’s going to be okay”
When you know they’re just saying that because they don’t know what else to say
I’m not here to do that either
I’m not here to tell you that your problems
Are meaningless compared to what kids in Africa are going through right now
I’m not here tell you stories of people with cancer fighting for their lives
When you just want to end yours
I am here to tell you that your problems are valid
Your struggles are real, your fight is real
You are real and you exist
You take up space

Before you **** yourself, I want you to know
That whatever you decide to do,
You’re not a coward in my eyes
But a soldier who simply didn’t want to fight
With all the warlords inside your head
And you’re the only one who desires peace
A cease fire  
You don’t want to fight
Because you know in the end
They will win and they will devour you
You are a prisoner of your own world war
And no one is ever coming to free your chains
No amount of happiness disguised as little pills in a bottle
No weeks of sessions with a doctor who don’t even look at you when you talk
No amount of inspirational posters or celebrity ******* that says ‘It will get better’
I know you think nothing will ever change the fact that you are losing  
But the thing is, it’s not a fact
Those are just your opinions
And as far as opinions go, they can be changed
They can change
Like the person who owns them

Before you **** yourself, I want you stop worrying about hell
It may or may not exist, depending on what you believe in
And if you believe that hell is for people who **** themselves
Then why bother going there, when you can have all the hell you want, right here, right now.
At least this hell has internet and pizza and ice cream.
That doesn’t sound appealing enough but
You get the point

Before you **** yourself, do you know how many people on your Facebook page
will ransack your wall and post things like: ‘I will miss you.”, ‘Rest In Peace”, “I wish we could’ve hanged out more”
and other lovely words that they didn’t bother to say to you while you’re still around
Do you really want strangers to put hearts and kisses on your wall when they have spent their entire lives ignoring you?
Do you want your Facebook page to be infested with people who wants to scream to the world how much they sort of grieve you but didn’t show
how much they love you?
Do you really want them to use your death to make them seem like they cared?
I say, do not give them that satisfaction.

Before you **** yourself have you ever considered how much a funeral costs?
Why, it’s the second multi-million business next to weddings!
Let’s say your coffin will cost your family 50,000 Php
Your wake and all the other things will cost about 80,000 Php
That’s a total 130,000 Php that you could’ve just spent travelling the country
And escaping your personal hell for a while rather than spending it on your death
Burying you to the ground or burning you to ashes
Corpses and ashes don’t get to surf the waves
Or feel the wind on their faces
Or feel that moment of accomplishment when they finally reach a mountain’s summit
Would you rather rot and get eaten by worms
Than soak your feet beneath the blue seas,
and watch the sun paint the sky, bursting into colors as it sets?


Before you **** yourself, I want you to imagine the 11-year-old you
Put them in your position and ask them
“What are you going to do?”
I know, it sounds ridiculous I mean, what’s a kid’s solution to a very adult problem?
But think about this, if that 11 year old survived through your current age right now,
Maybe you can survive for a few years more
Sometimes, adults tend to make things seems complicated when they’re not
Because adults are forced to think to just accept THIS reality
This reality built on taxes, corruption, politics and twisted definitions of responsibility stitched into every fiber of our adult skin
Adults are taught to ‘**** it up’ because we no longer have the excuse of youth
We are told to go with flow
To drown ourselves in status quo
Because it is proper;
Not because it’s right
It is not your fault you’re wired this way
But just because your wires are tangled and the knots are hard to undo
Does not mean you can’t

Before you **** yourself, I want you think about
The creation of the universe
I want you think about the Big Bang Theory
Or the Genesis chapter in the Bible
Or the theory that we came from Aliens
I don’t care which of these you believe in
They are just saying one thing:
It took time to create you  
Billions of atoms and neurons and electrons collided
To form you  
You are not some walking flesh and blood  
With no purpose
You’re here for something
For someone
Maybe not now
But someday
Someday, someone’s eyes will light up
Seeing you coming their way
Arms opening up, welcoming you to a warm embrace
Someone will smile because they thought of something funny
that you said and they wouldn’t care if people catch them smiling in public like some kind of nutcase
Someone will see your scars as proof of your survival
A tiger who earned its stripes

But only if you live to see it.
Only if you live to see it.

Before you **** yourself, I want you to know that there are people out there
Who genuinely care about you
of course it’s hard for you to see that
Because you don’t always see it when they show it
Probably because they show it too often
Sometimes caring is in the way a person says ‘hello’
Love is in the way they say ‘text me when you get home’
It’s when people say good night or have a nice day
It’s the little things that actually count
You just have to look out for them

Before you **** yourself, please try to realize that your problems are temporary
Do not give it a permanent solution
The world is a cycle, it revolves, and it changes.
Maybe not right away, maybe not this second when you need it the most to change
But give it time.
Give yourself some time,
But most of all, give yourself a chance.

Before you **** yourself,

don’t.


-L.C.
Sometimes, the only way out is to let others in.
Word Smyth  May 2014
Nutcase
Word Smyth May 2014
The golden nutcase - with an open and shut case/
View - on the few that are frozen in one place/
No, not this reality/
But a tragedy - of reoccurring blasphemy/
Toward the true God - who is rapidly/
Building up loads of agony/
Since humans are losing their sanity/
By rejecting love and worshiping vanity/
Such a malady - but thankfully/
In all actuality - God is a totality/
So in the end/
He will descend/
And share is fantasy, of morality/
In order to create a peaceful galaxy/
Without the the fallacy - of individuality/
You see, that is his strategy - so actually/

In the end - they call me crazy but I'm just the messenger/
Who registered - God as the editor of this earth/
He may give you death - but he also gives you birth/
Now it's up for you, to decide what it's worth/

Be yourself and **** low self-esteem/
'Cause life itself is steam/
It doesn't matter how yourself is seen/
By other beings/
Real recognize real - no need to change you/
Only the fakes out there wanna rearrange you/
Estrange you and cage you/
They fear the truth inside - so they hide - behind a mask just like Kane do/
At first they appear like an angel/
But shortly after they reenact the Story of Cain & Abel/
They're simply not able/
To deal with the cradle/
Of their wicked thoughts - and become unstable/
Unfaithful/
Toward their true self/
Mistaking true wealth/
With materialistic garbage/
Until their view is tarnished//
Saint Jonah Jude Mar 2013
You’re not yet twenty-one and
Alcohol doesn’t sit well on your smooch-swollen lips.

When you hold his hand too tight
Your fingers gets sweaty from palm-to-palm contact.

It makes you think of the fact you are 75% water,
Or maybe 60%, and how your eyes burn in front of the computer screen.

You’re not yet twenty-one and
The doctor says you’re anorexic (you had fast food for breakfast).

White sage burns your fingers black.
The full moon pulls salt water from turquoise and home towns.

Maybe you’ll never see the beach again,
Or run in the water with childhood, clothes sticking to your thighs.

You’re not yet twenty-one and
Every day you consider giving up the race to it.
Madds  Nov 2013
nutcase
Madds Nov 2013
Strange the way things are so easily broken.
                     Even stranger is how delicate they are when built.
                     Like hands, small... soft and gentle on a baby
                     But so easily destroyed by another.
                     Hearts... not an element of strength about them,
                     But they suffer the most and yet...
They continue to beat...
Sometimes slower like mine,
       I feel the force of time
                   Slowing
            Stuttering at points
              And even SHATTERING.
we               A world too arid... too destructive and self imploding
breathe                To allow any such existence..... A Hero...
  sin                             We slaughtered the ones we had.
  and                               Jesus beaten and nailed to a post...
   saviors                              Burnt at the stake... I suppose.
                                                     Because we are scared.
                                                        Petrified and screaming from a man
                                                        That had mastered redemption
                                                        we corrupted the only hint of peace we imagined.
                                                        we are the masters of nothing.

Now as he floats in space with the stars we murdered to save our "souls"
We bleed empty bones and blame everyone else for our guns to our head,
Shaking... will you smile when you die....
edited and re uploaded to cry upon
Ruthie  Jul 2014
Nutcase
Ruthie Jul 2014
I must sound like a complete nutcase to people I only tell small parts of my story to.
Because I swore to myself I'd never tell anyone the whole thing.
Jeffrey Robin Mar 2016
.



( & little Sally sunshine with her tamberine )

::::

#

(  •  )

we are the stuff of myths !

( not this mundane human **** )

HE ****** ME AND I LOVE HIM
CAUSE IT FELT GOOD !

( yep -----
                                                     ----- thanks for telling me )

))((

Crazy house blues !

Hey you !!

Ain't ya sick of it too !

( NO   ?      !!!!!! )




Crazy house blues !

::

I live in the mythological world

Of
Real People !

All 3 of us !

( we are the last ones left )

••


I clImb mountains

Up and up

I never come down



.
Curtis  Jun 2015
Nutcase
Curtis Jun 2015
Adventure and all its joy
Experienced by girl and boy
Replaced with an electronic toy
I have one too i wont be coy

These things are ok but as a tool
No replacement for interaction at school
Or any excuse to act like a fool
But ive done all the bad things too

What we need is a new place to go
Some new acts to this long boring show
Im done with what they want us to know
I can hear the truth in the wind as it blow

Why dont we go to the very best place
I speak of the infinitely vast outer space
It leave such a curious look on my face
Or perhaps im just your typical nutcase
Matthew Harlovic Oct 2014
One for the man bunkered down in the trenches
sent in by his country as a henchman.
He's laying in the mud, praying for safety,
losing less blood than what's shed daily.
In this hazy hell, a drug buzz is needed.
Morphine seeps in, easing the beaten.
And in no man's land, a man cries for mercy
but his cries are cut off by the hands of Murphy.
Early in the morning, he packs his bags.
Rucksack on his back, heading back to base camp.
There's a damper in the room, sunken like the marsh.
Friends have fallen, it's clearly marked.
And his heart aches but they can't be dead.
Nah, he sees them every time he lays down his head.
From time to time, he jolts up out of breath,
but he never felt more alive, when he was close to death.

It's not a sob story, no it's just old glory

Two for the man bunkered down by the park bench,
clutching a cup, praying for penance.
He's laying on cement, waiting for change,
and trying to stay dry from the god-**** rain.
In this day and age, a drug buzz is needed.
Morphine tabs, tap in the defeated.
Lungs splitting, teeth gritting, he's wishing for mercy.
Two times the dose, he curses out Murphy.
Early in the morning he packs his bags.
Rucksack on his back, he heads back to PADs.
He grabs a tray, sits alone, and says grace
because there's no space open for the "nutcase".
Arm's race to golden gates, he dragged a debt.
He carried his country as heavy as regret.
He carries his friends, they dangle from his neck.
But the thing about memories is that you can't forget.

It's not a sob story, it's just old glory

© Matthew Harlovic
This is a hip hop song that I wrote and soon will be releasing on soundcloud.com/outtatune-1 You could argue that hip hop isn't poetry or you can read the story I wrote. For clarification, this story is about two different lives of the same man. The first, is of his time on the frontline. The second, is his time as a homeless Vietnam war veteran.

— The End —