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josh wilbanks Jun 2016
I've been told that a catapiller wrapped snuggly in it's cacoon like the bed-time burrito of my youth feels very simular to the feeling i give when i hug. I've been told that i squeez just right, with the warmth of a summer night. I've been told I hug like a lover seeing her soldier for the first time in years. The few people i hug ask me how i hug so well.
I don't.
I hug with the pain of yesterday.
I hug with the scars on my wrists and the blood on my legs.
I hug with the overdoses, the addictions, the emptyness, the abondonment.
When i hug, i send a message.
Something came to me and told me to write this one. Sorry it's ***, but i think it's better this way.
Thousand minstrels woke within me,
"Our music's in the hills; "—
Gayest pictures rose to win me,
Leopard-colored rills.
Up!—If thou knew'st who calls
To twilight parks of beech and pine,
High over the river intervals,
Above the ploughman's highest line,
Over the owner's farthest walls;—
Up!—where the airy citadel
O'erlooks the purging landscape's swell.
Let not unto the stones the day
Her lily and rose, her sea and land display;
Read the celestial sign!
Lo! the South answers to the North;
Bookworm, break this sloth urbane;
A greater Spirit bids thee forth,
Than the gray dreams which thee detain.

Mark how the climbing Oreads
Beckon thee to their arcades;
Youth, for a moment free as they,
Teach thy feet to feel the ground,
Ere yet arrive the wintry day
When Time thy feet has bound.
Accept the bounty of thy birth;
Taste the lordship of the earth.

I heard and I obeyed,
Assured that he who pressed the claim,
Well-known, but loving not a name,
Was not to be gainsaid.

Ere yet the summoning voice was still,
I turned to Cheshire's haughty hill.
From the fixed cone the cloud-rack flowed
Like ample banner flung abroad
Round about, a hundred miles,
With invitation to the sea, and to the bordering isles.

In his own loom's garment drest,
By his own bounty blest,
Fast abides this constant giver,
Pouring many a cheerful river;
To far eyes, an aërial isle,
Unploughed, which finer spirits pile,
Which morn and crimson evening paint
For bard, for lover, and for saint;
The country's core,
Inspirer, prophet evermore,
Pillar which God aloft had set
So that men might it not forget,
It should be their life's ornament,
And mix itself with each event;
Their calendar and dial,
Barometer, and chemic phial,
Garden of berries, perch of birds,
Pasture of pool-haunting herds,
Graced by each change of sum untold,
Earth-baking heat, stone-cleaving cold.

The Titan minds his sky-affairs,
Rich rents and wide alliance shares;
Mysteries of color daily laid
By the great sun in light and shade,
And, sweet varieties of chance,
And the mystic seasons' dance,
And thief-like step of liberal hours
Which thawed the snow-drift into flowers.
O wondrous craft of plant and stone
By eldest science done and shown!
Happy, I said, whose home is here,
Fair fortunes to the mountaineer!
Boon nature to his poorest shed
Has royal pleasure-grounds outspread.
Intent I searched the region round,
And in low hut my monarch found.
He was no eagle and no earl,
Alas! my foundling was a churl,
With heart of cat, and eyes of bug,
Dull victim of his pipe and mug;
Woe is me for my hopes' downfall!
Lord! is yon squalid peasant all
That this proud nursery could breed
For God's vicegerency and stead?
Time out of mind this forge of ores,
Quarry of spars in mountain pores,
Old cradle, hunting ground, and bier
Of wolf and otter, bear, and deer;
Well-built abode of many a race;
Tower of observance searching space;
Factory of river, and of rain;
Link in the alps' globe-girding chain;
By million changes skilled to tell
What in the Eternal standeth well,
And what obedient nature can,—
Is this colossal talisman
Kindly to creature, blood, and kind,
And speechless to the master's mind?

I thought to find the patriots
In whom the stock of freedom roots.
To myself I oft recount
Tales of many a famous mount.—
Wales, Scotland, Uri, Hungary's dells,
Roys, and Scanderbegs, and Tells.
Here now shall nature crowd her powers,
Her music, and her meteors,
And, lifting man to the blue deep
Where stars their perfect courses keep,
Like wise preceptor lure his eye
To sound the science of the sky,
And carry learning to its height
Of untried power and sane delight;
The Indian cheer, the frosty skies
Breed purer wits, inventive eyes,
Eyes that frame cities where none be,
And hands that stablish what these see:
And, by the moral of his place,
Hint summits of heroic grace;
Man in these crags a fastness find
To fight pollution of the mind;
In the wide thaw and ooze of wrong,
Adhere like this foundation strong,
The insanity of towns to stem
With simpleness for stratagem.
But if the brave old mould is broke,
And end in clowns the mountain-folk,
In tavern cheer and tavern joke,—
Sink, O mountain! in the swamp,
Hide in thy skies, O sovereign lap!
Perish like leaves the highland breed!
No sire survive, no son succeed!

Soft! let not the offended muse
Toil's hard hap with scorn accuse.
Many hamlets sought I then,
Many farms of mountain men;—
Found I not a minstrel seed,
But men of bone, and good at need.
Rallying round a parish steeple
Nestle warm the highland people,
Coarse and boisterous, yet mild,
Strong as giant, slow as child,
Smoking in a squalid room,
Where yet the westland breezes come.
Close hid in those rough guises lurk
Western magians, here they work;
Sweat and season are their arts,
Their talismans are ploughs and carts;
And well the youngest can command
Honey from the frozen land,
With sweet hay the swamp adorn,
Change the running sand to corn,
For wolves and foxes, lowing herds,
And for cold mosses, cream and curds;
Weave wood to canisters and mats,
Drain sweet maple-juice in vats.
No bird is safe that cuts the air,
From their rifle or their snare;
No fish in river or in lake,
But their long hands it thence will take;
And the country's iron face
Like wax their fashioning skill betrays,
To fill the hollows, sink the hills,
Bridge gulfs, drain swamps, build dams and mills,
And fit the bleak and howling place
For gardens of a finer race,
The world-soul knows his own affair,
Fore-looking when his hands prepare
For the next ages men of mould,
Well embodied, well ensouled,
He cools the present's fiery glow,
Sets the life pulse strong, but slow.
Bitter winds and fasts austere.
His quarantines and grottos, where
He slowly cures decrepit flesh,
And brings it infantile and fresh.
These exercises are the toys
And games with which he breathes his boys.
They bide their time, and well can prove,
If need were, their line from Jove,
Of the same stuff, and so allayed,
As that whereof the sun is made;
And of that fibre quick and strong
Whose throbs are love, whose thrills are song.
Now in sordid weeds they sleep,
Their secret now in dulness keep.
Yet, will you learn our ancient speech,
These the masters who can teach,
Fourscore or a hundred words
All their vocal muse affords,
These they turn in other fashion
Than the writer or the parson.
I can spare the college-bell,
And the learned lecture well.
Spare the clergy and libraries,
Institutes and dictionaries,
For the hardy English root
Thrives here unvalued underfoot.
Rude poets of the tavern hearth,
Squandering your unquoted mirth,
Which keeps the ground and never soars,
While Jake retorts and Reuben roars,
Tough and screaming as birch-bark,
Goes like bullet to its mark,
While the solid curse and jeer
Never balk the waiting ear:
To student ears keen-relished jokes
On truck, and stock, and farming-folks,—
Nought the mountain yields thereof
But savage health and sinews tough.

On the summit as I stood,
O'er the wide floor of plain and flood,
Seemed to me the towering hill
Was not altogether still,
But a quiet sense conveyed;
If I err not, thus it said:

Many feet in summer seek
Betimes my far-appearing peak;
In the dreaded winter-time,
None save dappling shadows climb
Under clouds my lonely head,
Old as the sun, old almost as the shade.
And comest thou
To see strange forests and new snow,
And tread uplifted land?
And leavest thou thy lowland race,
Here amid clouds to stand,
And would'st be my companion,
Where I gaze
And shall gaze
When forests fall, and man is gone,
Over tribes and over times
As the burning Lyre
Nearing me,
With its stars of northern fire,
In many a thousand years.

Ah! welcome, if thou bring
My secret in thy brain;
To mountain-top may muse's wing
With good allowance strain.
Gentle pilgrim, if thou know
The gamut old of Pan,
And how the hills began,
The frank blessings of the hill
Fall on thee, as fall they will.
'Tis the law of bush and stone—
Each can only take his own.
Let him heed who can and will,—
Enchantment fixed me here
To stand the hurts of time, until
In mightier chant I disappear.
If thou trowest
How the chemic eddies play
Pole to pole, and what they say,
And that these gray crags
Not on crags are hung,
But beads are of a rosary
On prayer and music strung;
And, credulous, through the granite seeming
Seest the smile of Reason beaming;
Can thy style-discerning eye
The hidden-working Builder spy,
Who builds, yet makes no chips, no din,
With hammer soft as snow-flake's flight;
Knowest thou this?
O pilgrim, wandering not amiss!
Already my rocks lie light,
And soon my cone will spin.
For the world was built in order,
And the atoms march in tune,
Rhyme the pipe, and time the warder,
Cannot forget the sun, the moon.
Orb and atom forth they prance,
When they hear from far the rune,
None so backward in the troop,
When the music and the dance
Reach his place and circumstance,
But knows the sun-creating sound,
And, though a pyramid, will bound.

Monadnoc is a mountain strong,
Tall and good my kind among,
But well I know, no mountain can
Measure with a perfect man;
For it is on Zodiack's writ,
Adamant is soft to wit;
And when the greater comes again,
With my music in his brain,
I shall pass as glides my shadow
Daily over hill and meadow.

Through all time
I hear the approaching feet
Along the flinty pathway beat
Of him that cometh, and shall come,—
Of him who shall as lightly bear
My daily load of woods and streams,
As now the round sky-cleaving boat
Which never strains its rocky beams,
Whose timbers, as they silent float,
Alps and Caucasus uprear,
And the long Alleghanies here,
And all town-sprinkled lands that be,
Sailing through stars with all their history.

Every morn I lift my head,
Gaze o'er New England underspread
South from Saint Lawrence to the Sound,
From Katshill east to the sea-bound.
Anchored fast for many an age,
I await the bard and sage,
Who in large thoughts, like fair pearl-seed,
Shall string Monadnoc like a bead.
Comes that cheerful troubadour,
This mound shall throb his face before,
As when with inward fires and pain
It rose a bubble from the plain.
When he cometh, I shall shed
From this well-spring in my head
Fountain drop of spicier worth
Than all vintage of the earth.
There's fruit upon my barren soil
Costlier far than wine or oil;
There's a berry blue and gold,—
Autumn-ripe its juices hold,
Sparta's stoutness, Bethlehem's heart,
Asia's rancor, Athens' art,
Slowsure Britain's secular might,
And the German's inward sight;
I will give my son to eat
Best of Pan's immortal meat,
Bread to eat and juice to drink,
So the thoughts that he shall think
Shall not be forms of stars, but stars,
Nor pictures pale, but Jove and Mars.

He comes, but not of that race bred
Who daily climb my specular head.
Oft as morning wreathes my scarf,
Fled the last plumule of the dark,
Pants up hither the spruce clerk
From South-Cove and City-wharf;
I take him up my rugged sides,
Half-repentant, scant of breath,—
Bead-eyes my granite chaos show,
And my midsummer snow;
Open the daunting map beneath,—
All his county, sea and land,
Dwarfed to measure of his hand;
His day's ride is a furlong space,
His city tops a glimmering haze:
I plant his eyes on the sky-hoop bounding;—
See there the grim gray rounding
Of the bullet of the earth
Whereon ye sail,
Tumbling steep
In the uncontinented deep;—
He looks on that, and he turns pale:
'Tis even so, this treacherous kite,
Farm-furrowed, town-incrusted sphere,
Thoughtless of its anxious freight,
Plunges eyeless on for ever,
And he, poor parasite,—
Cooped in a ship he cannot steer,
Who is the captain he knows not,
Port or pilot trows not,—
Risk or ruin he must share.
I scowl on him with my cloud,
With my north wind chill his blood,
I lame him clattering down the rocks,
And to live he is in fear.
Then, at last, I let him down
Once more into his dapper town,
To chatter frightened to his clan,
And forget me, if he can.
As in the old poetic fame
The gods are blind and lame,
And the simular despite
Betrays the more abounding might,
So call not waste that barren cone
Above the floral zone,
Where forests starve:
It is pure use;
What sheaves like those which here we glean and bind,
Of a celestial Ceres, and the Muse?

Ages are thy days,
Thou grand expressor of the present tense,
And type of permanence,
Firm ensign of the fatal Being,
Amid these coward shapes of joy and grief
That will not bide the seeing.
Hither we bring
Our insect miseries to the rocks,
And the whole flight with pestering wing
Vanish and end their murmuring,
Vanish beside these dedicated blocks,
Which, who can tell what mason laid?
Spoils of a front none need restore,
Replacing frieze and architrave;
Yet flowers each stone rosette and metope brave,
Still is the haughty pile *****
Of the old building Intellect.
Complement of human kind,
Having us at vantage still,
Our sumptuous indigence,
O barren mound! thy plenties fill.
We fool and prate,—
Thou art silent and sedate.
To million kinds and times one sense
The constant mountain doth dispense,
Shedding on all its snows and leaves,
One joy it joys, one grief it grieves.
Thou seest, O watchman tall!
Our towns and races grow and fall,
And imagest the stable Good
For which we all our lifetime *****,
In shifting form the formless mind;
And though the substance us elude,
We in thee the shadow find.
Thou in our astronomy
An opaker star,
Seen, haply, from afar,
Above the horizon's hoop.
A moment by the railway troop,
As o'er some bolder height they speed,—
By circumspect ambition,
By errant Gain,
By feasters, and the frivolous,—
Recallest us,
And makest sane.
Mute orator! well-skilled to plead,
And send conviction without phrase,
Thou dost supply
The shortness of our days,
And promise, on thy Founder's truth,
Long morrow to this mortal youth.
Kara Jean Mar 2017
Walking backwords
A world familiar
Now old
Wise and not so simular
The harshness is now kisses
The misunderstood was meant to be good
I'm traveling the same road in a different wardrobe
Fue Cervantes quien relató con su pluma sabia
la extraña historia de dos amigos florentinos
que por amor forzaron sobre sí la desgracia
al maniobrar con impertinencia y desatino
en el ánima de una recogida muchacha.

El esposo con el amigo la puso a prueba
pidiéndole que a su mujer hiciera la corte
sin prevenir el impertinente a dónde lleva
la duda cuando no cuenta con ningún soporte.

Y el que pretendía sólo simular amor
para satisfacer al esposo empecinado
y comprobar de la mujer lealtad y honor,
termino, al fin, de sus virtudes enamorado.

De tal modo que el marido quiso probar la honra
colocándole acechanzas a la castidad
de aquella desprevenida y sosegada esposa,
las que fatalmente minaron su voluntad.

Lo que comenzaron como una prueba fingida
terminó en calamitoso engaño verdadero
porque quien pone trampas a la luz y la vida
termina transitando por oscuros senderos.
                                        
                                        (Jorge Gómez A.)
Todos te desean pero ninguno te ama.
nadie puede quererte, serpiente,
porque no tienes amor,
porque estás seca como la paja seca
y no das fruto.
Tienes el alma como la piel de los viejos.
Resígnate. No puedes hacer más
sino encender las manos de los hombres
y seducirlos con las promesas de tu cuerpo.
Alégrate. En esa profesión del deseo
nadie como tú para simular inocencia
y para hechizar con tus ojos inmensos.
Gabriel Bonney  Aug 2018
Doubt
Gabriel Bonney Aug 2018
She asked me
where I get these ideas,
and I told her
it's things I care about
that just come to head.
But sometimes I wonder
if I'm the poet I say I am,
or if I really can
express how I want to help people,
because I waste my time writing instead.

He told me
I'm a godly man.
But you don't know my brain
the way you know my game;
you don't know my pain
the way you know my name.
You and I, man, we have
simular hearts.
Correlative stories, in a way, just
different parts.
Because I know what's going through
your head.
You put on an affectation but in your mind
there's a war instead.

Doubt.
Deep seeded self ambiguity.
Creeps in my conscious,
conjuring my fears.
Keeps me up at night.
My mind wanders,
I ponder my failures.
Fuels my dormancy.
It's the testing of my faith, I know.
I know the truth, then why am I guessing?
As if I forgot that I am set apart.
But still I feel like I'm less than,
ignoring my blessings.
I have been given His Word as
my protection.
I have been called to be His ambassador.
I'm His beautiful possession.
So Lord,
please do not forget about me
when I doubt you,
because honestly,
I'm no good without You.
Catrina Sparrow Jan 2015
i fall in love a dozen times a day

with lips as they dance on a down-turned face
with the wilting words they say
with that same face
     when it takes the shape of a reaction

you'll get distracted
     when our eyes cross like sci-fi light beams
and it will seem as if i'm looking at you the same way that i bat my lashes through the telescope's lens

          it doesn't depend on much

just that we so happen to share the same space
     and an eerily simular pulse
love you. all of you.
Starry  Sep 2019
Love note
Starry Sep 2019
Dearest Hill
I am writing this to you my love to prove my mom wrong... I there's is more then swearing that connects us. We have Kindred spirits who have simular experience and interests and goal. That and feel safe telling you my secrets.
Starry  Aug 2019
Twins.
Starry Aug 2019
Forensically they say
That no two things are the same
Nor simular
But that is wrong
For the Pleiades
And the Big Dipper
Look a like
Like twins.
Odd Odyssey Poet Mar 2018
Brain explosion, pop like a balloon bloated up by the heat of a long summer,
None violent tendencies with such ****** hands, can I still call myself a non harmer?
Cuts and bruises beneath the skin of my feet, for walking long days on short miles.
Copies of programs, settings and ideas stored up in a brain in a number of files.

Explode.

A dead man would tell no lies yet keep a thousand secrets.
A new hope would be born in a small corner but built up of a thousand pieces.

Explode.

Day's of old times amongst these young people of these simular days.
Stacking up all that is the past in bales of hay.
Today is a Tuesday and tomorrow shall be another new day,
And the days before that came before moved on really fast and not always here to stay.

Explode.

The house in my brain has expanded by an explosion of the love and rage.
Could this be a new chapter in this story,  a turn over of a new page?
I  used to hang around with people with square faces while we were playing circle games.
I hung with new strangers with old family names.

Explode.

Smoke clears the air while the air is still bleeding.
Not too sure of where I'm going yet  I'm still believing.
Today was once my yesterday but I'm touching on tomorrow.
I have too much love in my mind, would any of you like to borrow.

Explode, now  my mind is  blown to many former pieces, come breathe in this brand new,
Now looking up to a Heaven, they know what is I ment next to do.
Zion Ferrell  Jul 2018
Who am I?
Zion Ferrell Jul 2018
“Who am I?”

A question asked by others
To get to know each other more.

Instead, I ask this to myself
Every night.

“Who am I?”

Oftenly asked by many.

Anyone would want to know.
It’s a quick to ask question.
But it’s a lot more serious than it seems

I lay there in the corner of my room
Where my bed has been placed
And I ponder…

“Who am I?”

Well,
There are different
Ways to answer this questions.

You are what others
see you as.

Or is it
Maybe what you want
Them you to see you as.
I’ve asked other people that seem to
Know me.

“Who do you think I am?”

“Who do you see see me as?”

“Who am I?”

I get multiple answers. All
Of them sounding quite…

Simular.

“You’re my friend”

“You’re cool.”

“You're smart”

“Talented”

“Beautiful”

“More than average”

Of course I take the compliments,
But why do I feel as
if they’re not telling me the true?
Why don’t I except what the speak into existence?

At the end of the day, I
Go back home to take a shower
And cry, just so I can
Sleep through the night.

Getting my body prepared for the
Mental battle of tomorrow, I lay in my
Bed without any clothing. Only a blanket
Is covering me from exposure.

“Who am I?”

“Is it me or someone else? Who else could
It be? Nobody else can control me
Nor the way I feel. Who am I trying to be?
Nobody I hope.

I am my own role model
And only I know the truth!
Nobody knows me!

Hell!

Nobody ever did know who the
**** I was because…

I don’t even know.”

The question looks more
And more threatening and
Vigilant than ever. The pain
No longer stays in bed,

Nor in the shower,

Not at home even.

It stalks me everywhere I go and
Turns up any **** time it pleases.
It hurts my head the more it bonds me.

“Who am I?”

Another throbbing headache so strong
It makes my heart skip a beat.
So strong it makes me puke.

Or is that just my finger in the
back of my throat looking for results.

I’m trying to solve the equation.
What? Another solution?
Maybe.

It’ll work for the time being, but
What if somebody finds out?

Love?

If only someone can prove my value.
If somebody really did admire me, they’d
Be with me forever.
They’d **** me and say…

“I love you.”

Nothing ever stays hidden for too long.
But at least he still loved me
For three years and counting.
Hopefully.

Longer and longer
More and more
The question is pounding at
The door with a couple of friends.

“Who am I?”
“What am I useful for?”
“Why am I even here?”
“Do you even need to be alive?”

“What is my purpose?”

Eventually, they welcome themselves in.

Great. Now more question
I need a dumb answer for.
I eventually asked for some help.

Therapy.
A professional. Finally
The help in need. Maybe I’ll
Get a reasonable answer.

It didn’t last too long anyways.

I got something out of it tho.
“Anytime you feel frustrated.
Write it down. Nobody has to read it.
Nobody needs to know. It’s yours to keep.”

It’s mine to keep.
It was mines to keep all this time!
This pen and this paper isn’t
Doing anything at all!

All it is is just extra room
For my brain to fill in more

****

QUESTIONS!

So here I am. Haven’t asked for
Physical human help in months
Because “God will answer you prayers.”
When he feels like it.

Well guess what?! You’re running
Out of time and I’m losing more
Than just patients!

I’M LOSING MY MIND!

The writing then turns vague dark drawings.
The drawing then turn to a knife.


It’s working. Something else is
Overpowering that **** question.
I’m piercing my skin deeper and
Harder than the pain piercing my brain.

I see brown,
Then red,
Then black.
Cutting so deep till I fell asleep.

It’s the only that’s really sustaining me.
Well it is just a substitute since…

They left me.
No.
Since he took them.
Away from me.

First my grandpa of cancer
Then my uncle Big Red from a stroke
The my great grandmother of “natural causes”
And another uncle, Paul of…

You guessed it! CANCER!

He’s taken them from me
the most painful way possible when
They were my rock.
My main support.

Grandpa was my humor
Grandma was my teacher
Big red was my therapist
And Uncle Paul my very first LGBT partner

I knew who I was then.
Stable.
Sensable.
Reasonable.
“Who am I?”

“I don’t know.”
Someone once told me…

“People die because God just saw
A flower in his beautiful garden and
Decided to bring it inside his home.”

They would have been fine here.
****! I would have been fine if they were here!
All because you thought that these flowers
Were SO pretty!

How selfish.
You didn’t even need the decor anyways.
I don’t know who I am now because of you!

No wait.
I know who I am. I’m a
African American Bisexual Girl
Nobody takes seriously anymore!

I’m anxious,
Tired,
Hurting,
Hiding…

Scared.

I’m scared of my next move.
I’m scared of my next question.
“Who am I?” turns to
“What next?”

The sesx didn’t help.
Starving myself failed.
The help I had is out of reach.
Big Daddy in the sky is unavailable.

And the knife feels duller the
More I began to use.

I’m scared I will look
At so rope.

I’m scared I will look
At some bleach.

I’m scared i will look
At an 100 yard drop.
Turning into 6 feet underground.
But I won’t be there to see that.

I’m scared of never getting my
Question answered.
I’m scared of not passing a test
Or even a resume online
That’s actually lying
Underneath my chest asking me…

“Who am I?”

— The End —