i need you
but you're with her.
when i text you
and you don't answer
that ******* hurts.

i thought about killing myself today.
i went to school in a pit of self loathing
did nothing in all of my classes
lied to my friends
came home
and cried as i washed of the day.
i yelled at my sister
didnt laugh at my old best friend's jokes
ate too much food for dinner
left my chores incomplete.
i thought about killing myself today.

why shouldn't i?

your hand on my thigh
my hand on your thigh
the story unfolds
on the screen in front of us
and in our minds

i should've held
onto your arm for
a second longer when
we walked side by
side.
i should've grabbed
your hand on the
car ride
home.
i should've asked
you to walk me
to my front door, and
given you a good night
kiss.
but i didn't.
and now
you're headed
towards the arms of
another girl, and
ill be forced to
sit and smile, and
act like nothings
wrong.
ill have to look at
her at school and
know that she
does all the things
with you that i wish
i could.

i should've kissed you

snowflakes fall
gently to the ground
i wonder if winter would be better
if you weren't around

it's time to sleep
to roll over
and put
my eye mask
on. to think
about my special
bed in the clouds
and drift
into the soft
stream of slumber.
to soar into
that starry sky
and lay upon
a bed made
just for me.
when i reach
my bed i can feel
the warm, heavy
blankets wrap
around my body
in just
the right way so i
feel warm and loved.
i can find
the perfect
position to lay
so my aching
spine is soothed
and my legs
can curl up
like a small baby
who can't quite
straighten them
out just
yet. i'll listen
to the calming
sounds of the
sky. the
whispers wash
over my watery
mind and watch me
waiver into a
whimsy of sweet
dreams where
everything is
always okay.

seasons change
  people grow
   summer heat
     winter snow
       it goes so fast
         you'll never know
           i saw you come
             and watched you go