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Nov 2021 · 366
The audacity
Elizabeth Kelly Nov 2021
Lord grant me the audacity.

To again be a 23 year old marshmallow
Partying every night at the campfire with a bunch of skewers.

The audacity
To feel outstanding
With an underdeveloped frontal lobe
Floating around in cherry bombs and Stroh’s

To survive being invincible and brave and strong enough to make bold and terrible decisions
And blessedly wake to another sunrise

Never grateful to be alive.
******* *****.
How does anyone survive their early 20s.

Sheer audacity.
Just reminiscing about being a *****. The marshmallow analogy makes me laugh. Early 20s were a blast and many many years later I truly can’t believe I made it through mostly unscathed.
Nov 2021 · 1.1k
Syndrome
Elizabeth Kelly Nov 2021
I’m an imposter.

I’m an imposter and no one can know.

I may end up on the street in rags that once were my clothes.

Money isn’t everything,
But being poor blows

And I’m facing the clock.

What then felt like freedom now feels like a box;

Like a long leash
in a big yard
Where the gate’s always locked.
Nov 2021 · 428
A question
Elizabeth Kelly Nov 2021
Look around and tell me, who’s happy?
Isn’t happiness the goal above all?
Or rather to avoid feeling sorry
For ******* away the springtime in spite of the fall?
Nov 2021 · 873
Art is for everyone
Elizabeth Kelly Nov 2021
I’ve been thinking a lot
Almost obsessively
About identity, how’s its tied to self worth
I self identify as an artist
It’s what I’ve always wanted,
A gift bestowed at birth

The very word was full of glamour and mystery
I couldnt possibly be chosen as a vessel
When in reality, it changes with each donning,
morphing size and shape to fit the figure of the dresser
Art is for everyone. Everyone has art in their soul if they know where to look for it.
Oct 2021 · 72
A little night music
Elizabeth Kelly Oct 2021
It’s always basements
Or attics
Whichever puts the most air
Between the dreamer and the sleeper
Always utility space

Accommodate

Moving so slowly
Eventually the music will absorb
The slow tide low tide rhythms of the night time

The negative of the blueprint is the true intention of the dreamer
Living in a palace built by the sleeper
What would the songs sound like had they been written during waking hours
Oct 2021 · 101
What They’re Not
Elizabeth Kelly Oct 2021
This morning
I woke up late like always and there was almost no time To
Comfort your crying
I thought it was a nice weekend and I wasn’t hungover
So I made you breakfast
Of the breakfast you made me when we were feeling so good
Potatoes and cinnamon rolls
You said the alcohol sugar kept you up all night
Hands in your hair.

It’s a poor paraphrase of I think Maya Angelou
that when people show you themselves, you should believe them the first time.
What if all you know, all they show,
Is what they’re not?

Tomorrow morning if you’re crying
It’ll be the same thing
I’ll wake up late
As I wait for you at 2am to join me in our bed
After coming home to an empty bottle and you
Feeling better
Sep 2021 · 2.9k
It’s Okay
Elizabeth Kelly Sep 2021
“I think there’s something wrong with you and that’s okay,” she sings with all her heart
and strums the guitar with my pick.
I’m in charge of the chords,
holding the guitar so
she can reach it where she sits.
We dream it up together, but
I phone it in
I admit.

A, D, E - 1, 4, 5 -
arbitrarily chose.
She keeps it alive with her prose
Just 5 years old
A poet with her eyes closed.

You can be anything you want to be, and that’s okay as long as you’re happy.

Like she knows
The greatest longings of the whole of humanity,

Like she’s peered into the depths of the vast ocean of broken hearts,
And know this is the best place to start…

Like it’s easy.

“It’s okay”, she sings with closed eyes,
and strums the guitar in musical bliss.

And it is. For that moment. For a heartbeat.

It is.
Elizabeth Kelly Sep 2021
My words don’t have arms big enough to hold these great and growing feelings.
They stay in my insides
Crowding out
Grinding down the subtleties
That reside near the edges in the used to be,
that cushiony soft berm.

It was comfortable in here once

The Room for Interpretation,

now lost,
now over-full,
balloon-bright and tumbling one voice and many into and out of supremacy.

These great and growing feelings
and my insufficient words
that fall from me one-by-one into place,
the thudding truth in basic blue.
Nov 2020 · 1.4k
The Cowboy and The Devil
Elizabeth Kelly Nov 2020
He fancies himself a cowboy
In line at the corner store
Concealed carry snug on his hip
(He secretly hopes someone gives him some lip)
The cashier hands him his change without meeting his gaze
He’s surprised and aroused.
She knows her place.

Selling your soul’s not a deal with the devil
Selling your soul is a deal with yourself
Make the choice over and over
To shake your own hand
And pretend that it’s somebody else

He fancies himself a nonconformist.
A free thinker
The sheep will all do what they’re told
And he’ll be ****** before he goes peacefully to slaughter.
It was easy, he figured it out
Demanding proof is just an excuse to hide behind doubt
A warrior,
he wields the flaming sword of truth
His wife asks a question; he breaks her front tooth.

Selling your soul’s not a deal with the devil
Selling your soul is a deal with yourself
Make the choice over and over
To shake your own hand
And pretend that it’s somebody else

Somewhere a fat man is checking the math as he’s being served lunch
Picking through numbers, looking for nibbles
He dribbles drool onto his chin,
as he dials his guy in The Caymans
His stomach is rumbling, it’s never enough!
To deepen ones pockets, one first must make cuts.

The determinant cause for the silver mine fire
Will read “Accident: faulty electrical wire; Company denies liability
per signed agreement at hire.”
And the cowboy free thinker won’t laugh at the joke,
he’ll just choke
There will be no survivors

But today, The Cowboy nurses his hate,
while Somewhere a fat man is writing the fate of the cowboy in pen,
pleased to be Great Again.

Selling your soul’s not a deal with the devil
Selling your soul is a deal with yourself
Make the choice over and over
To shake your own hand
And pretend that it’s somebody else
Sep 2020 · 90
Lens
Elizabeth Kelly Sep 2020
This place is a wasteland
Wasted potential
Food
Opportunity
Wasted at the bar, looking at your hands
“how could you do this to me?”
What happened to beauty?
And who will be the bad guys in the movie?

If a fascist takes a **** on the floor, will it land in 1984?
We’re at war
We’re at war
If you’re not rich you’re poor

We’re not the ones keeping score.
Jul 2020 · 217
Feeling the weight
Elizabeth Kelly Jul 2020
The air is heavy with a million million souls
Parts of wholes that escaped in the breaths of prayers
Whispered at windows of the desperate and the faithful
In the apple-core-rot towns and cities of America.

I’m standing in my driveway
And I can feel them all,
Bearing down like storm clouds in the heat.
Another offering could bring the heavens crashing to my feet.

My forehead is sweating, standing there in my driveway,
And I wipe it with the back of my hand,
Squinting into the haze.
The waves of energy
Their ecstatic mass vibrating, buzzing, clicking
A dog’s toenails on linoleum  
A tiny ear pressed to a mother’s chest as she hums. A heartbeat.

I feel dizzy
and wonder if the entirety of the universe
is made of the hopeful, wasted energy of unanswered prayers

I will dig a deep well inside myself to deposit the seeds of doubt, I say to myself and no one and the universe,
and despairing for the orphaned dreams surrounding me,
I give in to the indulgence of wishing.

The sky sags under the weight of a new plea
As I prepare to forget
Aug 2019 · 124
Jenny
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2019
We sit at right angles in your living room.
You on your couch
Me on my metal folding chair
   (a constant accessory to my new job. Necessary in the unknown of other people's homes).

You're smiling at me,
and then not at me but toward me as your gaze softens into the halcyon flicker of the pink-tinged memories that glow behind it.

I am an archaeologist.
You are the past.

You are hand-laid brick houses with green lawns built for cookouts and cheerleading practices.  
You are "every-kind-of-person-lived-on-our-street-Irish-Italian-Polish-Je­w-Slovak."
You are the American Dream of your Polish parents. 6 kids in Youngstown. An orange and a discarded evergreen were Christmas miracles.

When people talk about the Lost/Yet/Retrievable/Greatness/of/America

They see the memory of your memory.
Of You.

I envy you then.

94-years-old. Oxygen and original teeth and an endearing pleasant forgetfulness that makes answering your repetitive questions feel like giving you a gift and watching you open it over and over.

You absently grab for a comb, a hardwired ritual of vanity, and ask, "How's my hair?"
The pillows under your eyes become pools as you laugh,
and I love you for your wonderful long life and I hate you, too.

Because you're not me, yet I am you.

The American Dream is milky mashed potato flesh and a breathing machine.
Forgetful and habitually vain.
Foggy and sweet and dying alone in a house, surrounded by knick knacks and stink, watching The Game.

"I used to have copies of the Saturday Evening Post. I should have kept them."
Dec 2015 · 561
Good morning good night
Elizabeth Kelly Dec 2015
Polka dot trees
They're supposed to be cedars
A collage for my mother
For Christmas Day.

Asleep on the sofa
You wait for me
Quietly breathing
You give yourself away.

I could be painting
But it's four in the morning
The day that awaits me
Is silently dawning.

We'll drive to my parents
I finish this there
Sleep is impatient
In its persistent glare.

Goodnight to the bakers
Goodnight to the bells
Goodnight to the sleepers
In their comfortable cells.
Dec 2015 · 3.4k
Solstice Day
Elizabeth Kelly Dec 2015
Sixty degrees on solstice day.
An incubator.

If we go to the beach we can find all the bones of the dead animals
that are supposed to be buried in the snow
and throw them in the lake.
We can dip our heads in the cold water
to wash away these nasty thoughts
growing on our brains like bacteria in the warm weather,
send them into the lake with the bones and the souls of the dead animals
that are supposed to be buried in the snow.

The supercharged atmosphere
zaps my fingers when I open the car door.
Static electricity.

If I collect all that ecstatic magic
I'll let you hold it in your hands
in a jar
and we can watch it dance.
A hundred million fireflies
that should have died on the lips of
December.
Jul 2015 · 498
Tuesday Morning Shakedown
Elizabeth Kelly Jul 2015
There's butter in my coffee
I heard that it fills you up in the morning
It's the fat, they say, that sustains you.

The problem is, I haven't eaten in, oh,
19 hours or so,
And this buttery coffee is making me feel funny.
Like, nostalgic,
Plegic at the kitchen table
Staring at the new paisley tablecloth without being able to think about anything.

This house has a voice and it's making me tired listening to it scream all day.
Only a month and already I'm pushing away
You can tell, you keep trying to kiss me awake but I can't hear you over the house.
They say this is what happens, so I never tried until now.
You really see a person, they say.
And I can tell you are really seeing me for the first time in these three years,
And it's making you nervous that maybe I'm actually not okay.

Maybe I'm not.
This behavior isn't normal, I guess, I mean most people eat and sleep at regular intervals
And share themselves
And do their chores
And go to work in the morning
And live a life that resembles something.

And now you're really noticing.
Normal behavior hasn't ever really been my "thing."
But writing songs to the tune of your own heartbeat isn't the way to make other people sing.
Jul 2015 · 380
Vain girls
Elizabeth Kelly Jul 2015
There are veins
Arteries
That connect my heart to the rest of me
Something so vain to plainly see
Your heart exists floating free



Ooohs and aahs

I've never been the kind to shy
Away from another's mistake
And the clouds that live in my house were just another obstacle to shake
But there's only so much a tree can take
And my bows bent so low that I'm ready I'm ready to break
I'm ready I'm ready to break
I'm ready I'm ready to break
May 2015 · 456
26 and a half hours
Elizabeth Kelly May 2015
My blood is thin today
It steams in the chilly humid air as it
Streams like water from a small cut on my toe.
Its red is shocking,
like paint on the black tar back patio.

"Sleep is for the weak"
They say.

And while sleeping is, I admit, my weakness
Today is still yesterday and my blood is streaming like water from this little painful cut.

And in my gut I know that it's not sleep nor pain that makes a person weak

But the ability to admit to both

again

and again

and again

Without the ability to know when it's time to admit defeat.
Elizabeth Kelly May 2015
I kicked an ant today.

It was coming right for my bare foot, so I kicked it. The thought of its tiny feet tickling my giant feet made me feel ill.

Generally insects don't bother me, but ants. Ants, with their underground tunnels and their abilities to carry a zillion times their body weight, with their appearance in my kitchen every spring from seemingly nowhere even though my kitchen is clean and inhospitable to them - I hate ants.

I was outside, the ant's domain, on my back patio enjoying the beautiful weather and the newness of spring. It wasn't fair of me to kick him like that in his own domain, and yet.

I wonder what I would do if I was kicked by a giant. I would probably die, land in a heap and break all my bones and die. That ant almost certainly didn't die, but I wonder if it hurt. Do ants have very many nerve endings? A question for the ages.

Before I kicked that ant, I was reading some old poetry and letting the sun warm me and the light breeze riffle through my hair, avoiding work and thinking about my life and the big question marks that punctuate my waking moments with their soft severity. ******* this brain and it's forever worrying.

The worrying is the problem. I should spend more time doing.

But I don't. Instead I write poems and kick ants and daydream about finding a home where I can begin my Real Life.

Because this isn't it, is it?
Is it?

Kicking things out of my way that make me uncomfortable? Finding the sunshine and basking like a lizard? Reading poetry?

Actually, I think I can live with that.
That, and fewer ants.
Feb 2015 · 628
Sylvie
Elizabeth Kelly Feb 2015
You must have been so lovely, Sylvie.
Your song sounds purple, like the underside of rose petals.
It shimmers and flickers in the water of the Seine, held together by a whispering, weaving thread, a voice in the softness.

I know you,
I've seen you.
You're me when I play, the piano keys conductors for all of your loveliness,
Pouring your essence into my heart as I begin to learn your curves and your lines.
I am you, Sylvie, a woman in love,
and I caress the keys and sing with your voice a song in which you are forever imprisoned, captured in a jar and preserved for eternity.
#eriksatie #sylvie
Feb 2015 · 576
Worse
Elizabeth Kelly Feb 2015
It's been getting worse.

6am was open for sinners but 10 was closed for repairs. Imagine the disappointed frowns drinking coffee reading regretful emails.

The afternoon sun hurt my head, I miss your cave.
In my bed, pillows over your ears and eyes.

12 pm was better but 2 was embarrassing.

I hate to leave like that. I never want us to be mad at each other.
Crying at the kitchen table, no it's not you.

Calling myself an idiot in the car for routinely missing turns.

The mall wasn't crowded but it felt like it was. No dresses fit for the wedding tomorrow. Staring at a red scarf listening to Burning Down the House over the loudspeaker at Dillards and feeling my eyes in my head and wondering if David Byrne ever dreamed he would have songs playing over the loudspeaker at Dillards.

You shouldn't have done that to yourself.  I'm sorry I suggested it.
It's ok, it's not you.

It must have been 50 or more dresses. Four hours.

This has been the worst day.
We've been talking about this for a long time. Sitting at the kitchen table, ugh, boys.

Smoking through the window.

My great grandmother made my *** my pants when I was eleven because she was cursing the door she couldn't unlock.
I once saw someone lose a prosthetic leg while riding a roller coaster.
TJ had a cat named Rodney.

We found burn holes in her mattress when we moved in. All her stuff was still there.

Reconfirming value, standing in front of the mirror in wedding clothes. Red heels. A white scarf to a wedding that doesn't belong to me.
It's ok, it's not you.

Nick started talking about what he's going to say for our wedding.
I told him not to worry about it, I don't have any idea what I'm going to say at his.

Cigarettes in the cold. Adderall and ZzzQuil and Dr. Who prints on Etsy printed on old dictionary pages. The world is falling away.

Write a poem.

3:17am is open for sinners.

It's been getting worse.
Dec 2014 · 763
Not So Pretty
Elizabeth Kelly Dec 2014
Feeling not so pretty
in the middle of the night

I've got a glass of wine
and a fluorescent light.

I've got a fridge full of leftovers

of feelings

of spite

I've got a bottle to my left

and its contents to my right.

And there's a morning fast approaching
In which the real life lies

but my body isn't tired
and my brain is stirring fry

and my hands are typing nonsense
as my face becomes my eyes

there's a birdie in the corner
in the corner with the flies

I've got one more chance to make it
but my head's become my mind

I've got one more chance to shake it
but I just can't quite decide.
Nov 2014 · 743
The Spinner's Eye
Elizabeth Kelly Nov 2014
I like myself
I try to find
the common ground
in Me and I.

I like myself
I try to find
the common ground
the eye to eye.

(I try to see
the eye to eye)

I like myself
I try to find
the common ground
the desperate sigh.

I spend it all
I spend my time
on basking wounds
in deserts dry.

I like myself
I try to find
the common ground
the Me and I.

The statements made
the inner spy
I escape
the spinner's eye.

I like myself
And by the by
I make myself
the glowing I.

I hate it all.
I hate the cry.

I hate the Me.
I hate the I.

I like myself
I like the spy
I accept
The spinner's eye.
Oct 2014 · 563
Astrology
Elizabeth Kelly Oct 2014
Mercury is in retrograde.

My poetry may be hard to rade

But at least I know I understade

What it's actually trying to say.
Oct 2014 · 349
Untitled
Elizabeth Kelly Oct 2014
There's a brand new world
A new universe that doesn't include me. I try.

I try.

And it's not their fault.


There's a brand new soul.
A new universe the doesn't include you. I try.

I try.

And it's not your fault.
Universe. Soul. Out of practice.
Oct 2014 · 294
Free form
Elizabeth Kelly Oct 2014
There.

Are.

Horrible.

Things.



You.

Are.

Responsible.  

For.


No.

One.

Knows.


The.

True.

Meaning.

of

Regret.
Oct 2014 · 492
Clarity over Convolution
Oct 2014 · 443
The Means for the Mending
Elizabeth Kelly Oct 2014
Music.

It's within. Without.

We share it with everyone. We hide what it's about.

We protect our privacy. We let it all hang out.

We want it, oh how we want it all, it all defines us until we find the wall.

The wall! What a joke. We're all in on the farce. Just give us your music, we'll decide what is art. Just sell us your soul, we'll take it from here. Have another beer, we have plenty, my dear. You're valuable, oh yes, just keep your thumb on the pulse. Drink up and polish your gift of schmaltz.

But it's false. It's all false. It's the ******* waltz,  our partner keeps face while we're falling apart, and then kicks us aside when we're behind in the race. We're falling apart, we're floating in space.

I want this to have a happy ending. If you ever hear one, its ******* worth defending. Keep me in mind. I've got music for spending. Together we've got the means for the mending.
Sep 2014 · 339
Smoker's Lament
Elizabeth Kelly Sep 2014
It comes so naturally.

The nerves all saturated, ready to convene with that
sweet nicotine
after months of being clean.

It comes so easily.

No queasy feeling
no reeling
no rush

Just hush in the moonlight alone on the patio
the night the only witness
to my sad happy glow.

To the chemical calm.

To the insatiable qualm of a square in my hand
And fire in my palm.

It comes so suddenly**.

A quiet, intent lover.
It hovers above me,
uncovers a lost need.

It smothers my breathing, but I'll take the beating
for one more smoke.

A recovering joke.

I'll take the beating
And stoke the fire.
The sheep in me is bleating
as I succumb to desire.
Sep 2014 · 1.3k
Seed
Elizabeth Kelly Sep 2014
Funny how a small success
can make a large struggle
seem worthwhile.

The struggle pushes on your body
like the thousands of pounds of air pressure we endure every moment, adapted since birth when we were exposed to the atmosphere for the first time.

We've adapted so much. It feels like nothing at all.

And such is the struggle, a gradual acceptance,
until one accidental success -

a perfectly carved moment of zen designed to seal one crack in our exterior, to smooth an otherwise rough outline of the idea of your person.

One crack we didn't know was there until we look more closely.


And suddenly - we see - !


Are we made up of billions of cracks,
of shattered thoughts and ideas,
dreams and plans and places and bandaids over the wounds that never really healed?

Are we scarred beneath the flattened affect of the I'mFines and the Don'tWorries?

What a shock, then, when you finally discover the one smooth graft in your otherwise undetectably shattered self.

Oh! The elation!

One small, well-placed celebration
The seed of a new foundation

Can you declare a body unfit for inhabitance?
It's time for total renovation.
Sep 2014 · 366
The Reluctant Optimist
Elizabeth Kelly Sep 2014
The clouds

lift

with a perspective shift.

Accept the gift.
Sep 2014 · 780
Saved
Elizabeth Kelly Sep 2014
The music washes over me
wave after wave

And the noise of life
is drowned beneath the wall of sound.

The crowd is restless
But I am rooted, directly connected,
undiluted.


The music washes over me
wave after wave.

My blood and bones exist for this
electric current
as my body buzzes and pulses inside

The moments speed and slow
with the flow of the tide.

It ebbs and rolls
with the soul of the ride

And I am rooted, directly connected,
undiluted

as it washes over me,
wave after glorious wave.

Who needs a god?

I am saved.
Sep 2014 · 658
To ask. To answer.
Elizabeth Kelly Sep 2014
I've got my feet
to carry me

and my legs
to stabilize.

I've got my arms
to embrace whatever comes my way

And my hands,
to hold onto that which inspires me.

I've got my face
to turn toward every challenge;
to challenge every turn.

And I've got my heart
to house me when the weather is bad
and there is no where else to go.

I've got my brain
to present me with options

and my mind
to present me with decisions.

And above all,
I've got my soul.

With its infinite complexities and contradictions,
it is the glue that holds the pieces in place.
It is the curiosity that asks the questions
and it is the bravery that accepts the answers.

I've got my soul
to carry and stabilize;
to embrace and hold on;
to accept and challenge;
to comfort and protect;
to ponder and decide;
to ask.

To answer.
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
There were some roses, once, a long time ago.

They grew out of nothing, out of a tiny seed that burst and ****** its contents out into the new and terrifying air, and even then they didn't exist but for the idea that one day they might.

There were some roses, once:

the product of a process that included water and light and the removal of weeds and the implementation sharp protection from predators: deer and birds and squirrels and the like.

There were some roses once:

great surges of crimson fruit that bloomed so fiercely in their rebellion against the surrounding thorns
dedicated to the protection of the home of the finely spun veined silk that blossomed almost overnight.

There were some roses once:

Never has such beauty been guarded so staunchly;

and with good reason, for the rose in its radiance has but one short season to stretch its arms and breathe its perfume to which all lovers beg and swoon.

There were some roses once:

They faded,
green
then red
then crimson
then purple and umber.

But in their slumber we see the bloom we once beheld on that summer day.

We fondled their petals, hastened their decay.

There were some roses once, a long time ago.

They had to die, as if on cue, as living things tend to do,
and oh, they dried so elegantly!
Plainly meant for royalty.

And even in their most brittle form, they're somehow warm
Somehow still new.

So you plant some more, you cut the weeds, you draw blood on their thorny guards,
knowing that it's not for you, but for the birds in their back porch churchyard.

And the moment the first rose peers around from inside the womb, well
there's your reward,

to forward the growth of something so fragile and sweet.

So ruthless if you aren't aware of its teeth.
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
There's a horse who is primed for battle. She's been broken and saddled, muscles hard and keen, her frame is lean, she's got all the necessary means to carry destruction into the heart of the fray.

But. She's afraid. She dreads the day.

There's a child who is primed in playground. She's been beaten and shoved down, she's been left to bleed, the teachers are too late to intervene. And she waits for the day for them all to pay.

But she's afraid. How couldn't she be?

There's a leader who is primed in sovereignty. She's been brought up high society with a sharpened gleam, smart and mean, quietly she gathers steam. With the tools to rule, she waits for the day to carry the horse to heart of the fray, to make them pay, to make them all pay.

But she knows the game, knows how to wait.

And still the world will twirl in its hate.
Until it needs a leader who's great.

She'll rise like the cream to the top of the pack, and pick up the slack, and possess what they lack.

And finally grasp the ultimate power!

To rule. To instruct. To provide the anchor for the ones who were broken and beaten, afraid.

And she'll heal their wounds, for she knows their pain.
Fair leadership. A rare phenomenon.
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
It's hard to write poetry
When the world is so terrible
And people are suffering
And I am not.  

It seems selfish, uncaring, aloof.

If there's time for writing, then there's time for action!

I have to remind myself that writing is action, humble as it is
And creating a small piece of art to send out into that great collection of consciousness

- even if it's a blip on the screen, even if the universe doesn't notice, even if people continue to suffer and all seems so lost -

is a tiny tip of the scale toward light and beauty
and away from injustice and insanity.
My heart breaks for the injustice happening in Ferguson, for the people dying of Ebola, for the families having war waged around them in so many places it's hard to count them all. I feel so small and helpless, but without art there is no civilization. It's not much of a contribution, but I don't know what else to do.
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
The grass is dripping with chiffon, that old garment that somehow becomes new with every evening's donning.

What a shock! To feel that wet fabric between my toes, noticing the squish and the scrape of the grass and the gradual acceptance as my body warms to match the chill underfoot.

I wonder about the suburban night,
how despite our best efforts we can't permanently pave over that expanse of dandelions (you would wield your power over each as you popped off their heads) that used to live in the field next door.

Envied by a world of mates, they separate and procreate without a second thought as to where their seed lands as long as the soil or sand can root down far enough to support its wispy yellow tufts.

The days are shorter now, and the nights in Cleveland once again hold that bitter edge that makes this town our own personal triumph, our defeat over the elements as they wax and wane in their consumptive impulse. You can actually feel the winter on the wind, for the love, after a year of cold and cold and rain and cold.

But the grass, that gauzy tangle that grabs you before you topple into the cliff of whatever whatever, complaints about the weather. It's that chilly, beautiful, selfless dew that you wrap yourself in, that wraps itself in you, that helps you slow your aching self, and for now you can leave the future on the shelf.

- Don't wish you life away, that's what my mom used to say -

How, at that age, can you possibly gauge
that your mom is a holy person, a shaman, a sage,
That she knows that aging turns into to dying
And that growing up is worth less than a whole field of dandelions?
Aug 2014 · 507
Covert Operation
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
You're here now, breathing next to me restfully,
though not totally asleep.

It's the light from the computer,
the tapping of my fingertips on the tiny buttons which house the letters that create the words that are undoubtedly keeping you awake.

I'm glad, though, that you take me this way and understand that I'm a
late game hitter,
A surprise second-string pitcher

-sports analogies, aren't men supposed to understand those? When written correctly, I suppose, and I gotta tell you, I hopeless with sports -

But it's nice for me to have you here,
your warmth and ambient sleepy noise
and dreamland shifting of this arm or that leg,
the habitual fumble known only to boys
who might be unconsciously uncomfortable.

I wonder what you dream about. If I could reach inside, would I find out?

So instead, you get a poem tonight.

You get my true attention without knowing that my heart lies in these words more solemnly than the suspension of time between sleeping and wakefulness.

No, those holy hours pale to the gusts and the gales that create the storm that inspires the fingers
to tip tap away
and create the pathway for my brain to follow
and find the doorway that leads to that hollow space inside.

That elusive candle that hides the dark.

You'll never know, but you are my spark.
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
Be Am
Is Are
Was Were Been

Have Has Had

Do Does Did

Can Could
Will Would
Shall Should

May Might Must
Aug 2014 · 589
Normal: Human Edition
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
Sometimes it just feels like what you thought was your purpose in this life has been buried under the weight of the expectations of others

or leftover guilt

or a series of catastrophically poor decisions.

And you look around and see it all:  

the beauty
and horror
the good
and the awful

and you hate yourself for taking advantage of your peace and safety and relative health, complaining instead that you're lonely and lost.

But sometimes, man,
sometimes you just don't want to get out of bed because you know that it all:

the beauty
and horror
the good
and awful
the loneliness
and questioning
the self-disgust

is going to be there until the end of time, and your body is gathering rust, it's so heavy, pinned under all of that weight
(stupid brain so concerned with the micro and macro)
so you roll over and try to black it all out.

I mean, you have to keep going.
You have to.
Other people do.
People suffer every day and keep going.

There is nothing special or urgent or interesting or even particularly DESERVED when it comes to your silly problems.

But it doesn't mean that they're not there.

The whole world is suffering, and we don't know where the band aids are.
Aug 2014 · 688
Cartoon Cereal Justice
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
I'll write. All the time.

In notebooks.

Remember those?

But POETRY is tough.  

Guess I prefer prose.

And yet, here I am,
waiting to be hosed.
Just like that bunny, I followed my nose.

AND HE RACED AND HE TRIED
AND HE WON BY GOD!!!

But the cereal market aint so easily awed.

The big wigs decided that
"Trix are for kids"

And relinquished the trophy from the bunny rabbit.

A child I was, it was so long ago.

BUT EVEN THEN I HAD THE SENSE TO KNOW
that the person (or rabbit) who had worked through and through was
entitled the prize, a world anew...

entitled the prize, just as foretold...

But *******, Trix Rabbit,
YOU DESERVED THE GOLD.

You worked, you trained, you made yourself speedy!
You were poor,  You were needy.

ONE DAY it will pass to a daughter so strong
while the brook runs deep and the dark vines wind long.

Another chance! It's what is deserved!
The players were cheaters, the judges absurd.

Injustice for all,
absorbed into my tiny child's brain
when the rabbit lost the race
and I felt his pain.
Trix Rabbit's Revenge. Anyone remember this commercial?
Aug 2014 · 463
A Plea or Something Like It
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
God.

God.

God ******

*******

I never asked for fair.
never.

I never once asked for care.
never.

And yet.
AND YET.

It's there.

The lever.

Yes,
as common as a spare tire in my trunk.

As brazen as a soldier, pacing his bunk.

The persecuted party was drunk as ****.

WAS DRUNK WAS DRUNK WAS DRUNK

AS ****

If the weak and the quiet
suddenly stop
to face the consequence
does it much
matter to the JUDGE and the JURY, the JUDGEMENT and Such?

Has the world run amok?

Has the world run amok?
Aug 2014 · 352
Create an Oasis
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
A great expanse -
a flat plateau entranced  by
the gardens

below.

There's water there, and Oh! how thirsty I have been in this desert.

If you gave me one hard push to the edge
up and over,
if the mayhem was there and the ledge
disappeared...

is that where inspiration lies?

The grass there seems so GREEN from here.

To harvest water from a desert you must create,
I suppose,
an oasis to bathe you
until at last you are clean of the dust
from this place,

lest you continue to waste your water
on a cry

that your grass is too brown
and your ground is too flat
and, lord help you, your desert is dry.
Aug 2014 · 2.1k
The Lamplighter
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
Even the one
who lights the world
can succumb to the darkness inside.

We become blind
and see only the light.

The darkness can easily hide.

So you've scattered yourself
to the billions of stars that
blanket the billowing night

to help hold at bay
the darkness that preys
on the strong
and the weak
and the rich
and the poor
and the brilliant
and dull ones
alike.

You gave of yourself
with such ferocity of truth.

You fought with all of your might.

So thank you, old friend
for sharing your gift
and rest now
in peaceful twilight.
Aug 2014 · 834
Depression Maybe
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
Cocooned.

Oh, the softness
presses itself into your very pores
releasing its spores.

Buffooned.

Now your mind
dissolves like sand
when cushioned apathy makes life bland.
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
I get sleepy, but

if I let sleep greet me, the

giant will eat me.
Aug 2014 · 644
Waiting
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
We are always waiting.

John Lennon or someone on Facebook or God said:

"Life is what happens when you're making other plans."

Life is what happens when you're waiting, and soon you'll be dead.
That's what that quote says to me.

So I'll just wait for eternity
Quietly.

And if I'm in line at the grocery
or synching my phone
or whatever it may be

maybe I'll use the time to write poetry.

Leave my little mark,
help the world remember
that while I was waiting I was still
me.
Aug 2014 · 458
Someone Else's Stories
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
Stories!

Thousands. A thousand thousand thousand.

All misremembered together,
A plethora of memories of memories

- that's what they say, when you have a memory it's of the last day you had the same memory -

on and on forever,
a treasury of pleasure and grief and madness and drunk sadness
floating like leaves
through the air.

And it's not fair
That you get to have them
Because you're home
And I don't
And I'm not
And I feel all alone.
Aug 2014 · 689
Side Effects
Elizabeth Kelly Aug 2014
An oil spill
From a brain drain drill.

Whoops.

I didn't meant for my scoops of goop to fall in your soup.

So come on now, toss it all out.
Toss it out with the rest of that garbage,
that infected syringe.
We're better than this.

I prefer it chilled,
so would you mellow out?

There just isn't time for self-doubt.
Jul 2014 · 423
Sixteen
Elizabeth Kelly Jul 2014
You're so floppy.
Like a puppy,
all arms and feet
gangly, knobby.

We sit together
to work on work
but nothing gets done
it's all just talk,

Just stories about grandpas
from World War II
Freedom of love
Religious views.

And through it all
in your attentive eyes
I can see your heart
And can see how wise
You are for sixteen
And I'm twenty-nine
so that makes thirteen
years between us, christ.

I hope I see you down the line
Ten years, or twenty
And you're still just...fine
I fear for you in this terrible place
It's unkind to a gentle mind
It can shut down an open space.

But it feels like nothing
Could create a person
Not years or experience
With such clarity of vision
And depth of innocence
As you showed me today
Under the tent where we spent the day.

I believe in you.
And in who you'll become
You've already got the glue
Now you just need some
Confidence, but it's ok to be green
When the world is bright
And you're barely sixteen.
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